Death of an Alpha
by jaytan
Summary: Sam dies in the battle with the new born vampires and life has changed completely for Jacob Black and his pack.   eventual Bella/Paul pairing as well
1. Chapter 1

**_Death of an alpha._**

_Jacob._

It never occurred to Bella that this was no longer about her. She would call and he would ignore her. She would bang on his door and he would tell her to fuck off. This was not about her. Not everything was. This was his family. Sam was once his alpha and now he was dead. Why couldn't she just leave him alone? Hadn't she done enough?

Sam wouldn't have been killed if it weren't for the newborn leeches. They came looking to kill her, it was supposed to be _her_!

Jacob looked at the ringing phone again before picking it up and crumbling it to pieces. There was pack business to take care of and he was forced to take on the role as alpha. They hated him because of this. Everyone did. He was the one that brought _her_ here. He might as well have killed Sam himself. It was his fault that everyone got caught up in protecting her, his fault Sam was gone. He left a note for his dad, he had things to do today.

The funeral had been hard on everyone. Sam was torn apart by two newborns, Jacob and the rest of the pack had done everything they could to piece him back together but it was no use. The burned his remains and brought his torn clothes back to Emily. She wouldn't even get to see him one last time. It made his stomach twist into the most uncomfortable knots. It was painful for them all but especially for Emily.

Emily a woman who did nothing but take care of them, a woman who loved everyone. Who was going to love her? Jacob would have to make sure to do whatever he could to take care of her, to protect her its what Sam would have wanted for his Emily.

He walked into the house that still smelled like Sam the pack was sitting there. No one greeted him, he didn't expect them to. Emily was busying herself by cooking for them. His body twitched as he fought the urge to walk up behind her and...he pushed away the thoughts of Emily and turned to look at everyone else. No one would look at him, no one but Leah, she was watching him, waiting for something to happen. He cleared his throat they finally looked up at him. He knew this would take time, they were all mourning the loss of a man who had meant so much to them, he was like a father to some and a brother to the rest. It was his turn to speak and he would need to demand that they respect him. He was their alpha now, he didn't want to be and they didn't want him to be but he was and they had to respect him.

"We have a few things we need to discuss concerning the…_Cullen_'_s_" he hated the way a name, _that_ name, felt falling out of his mouth. Hated the name. Hated the leeches. Hated himself.

He had the attention of everyone around him.

"I am going to speak with Carlisle and ask that they leave immediately." _They_ would not argue, this was inevitable. He couldn't stop himself from shaking when he thought about seeing them. It wasn't them who killed Sam but they were all the same now, they always have been. The room was silent as they watched him calm himself down. Leah stood up and pulled him outside.

She watched as he struggled to regain control of himself.

"Calm down Jacob." he did.

He looked at her, the pain was hard for her to hide. Leah did not hate Sam as much as she let everyone think she did. He loved her and she loved him, she cried when she found him, or pieces of him lying on the grass in the clearing. She cried when she handed his belongings over to Emily and she cried when she thought no one was watching. She did not hate Sam, her voice was laced with the same pain as Emily's. Jacob hated that he did this to them, took Sam away from so many people.

"When are you going to talk to Cullen?" He watched her as she crossed her arms over her chest and her expression hardened. He understood.

"Tomorrow. I would like for you, Jared and Embry to come." Leah nodded her head. Her face was a cold mask when the leeches were mentioned. They all wore similar masks, even Jacob.

They walked back into the house where everyone was gathered at the table. Emily was smiling at them as she always did but they could see the pain in her eyes. Leah watched her for a moment, she looked torn, but she took a deep breath and pulled Emily into the bedroom where she could grieve in peace. The food was left untouched. They needed to eat if only to make Emily feel better, they had to do something for her.

Jacob stared down at the men at the table and gave his first order.

"Eat. Emily worked hard to make sure you were taken care of. Eat." They started picking up their forks and eating, the room was quiet and it made Jacob feel sick. This was going to be difficult. The life had been sucked out of everyone. He sat down beside an unusually quiet Paul and ate.

When they were done he and Seth cleaned up, Emily might have wanted to keep busy but she needed to rest. They sat around the living room, no one saying anything. Leah walked back in.

"We need to figure out some sort of rotation, Emily is not going to stay here by herself. There is a spare room and we are always here anyway, I'll stay tonight but you guys need to figure out who goes next" Jacob hadn't thought of that, Leah was always quicker than the rest of them, quick witted, quick thinking and quick on her feet, he would have to consider her role in the pack later.

"I'll take tomorrow." Embry volunteered. They went through each day and how it would work. Jacob had Fridays and he didn't mind.

They still had to run patrols in pairs, Jacob did not want to imagine having another one of his pack mates being mauled by a stray newborn, he would not let it happen. He couldn't live with himself if it happened. He wouldn't.

"Paul and Embry are on Patrol tonight, Seth and Jared will take over in the morning and Quil and I will run after them." Leah did not question her place of duty, she was assigned to stay as close to Emily as possible. They weren't quite sure what would happen to her, she was an imprint, they had to make sure she would be okay. Jacob wanted to make sure it was okay with Leah, it was still hard on her as well. He didn't get a chance to ask.

There was a soft knock on the door. Jacob stood up to answer it and _she_ was there. He let out a frustrated sigh. Paul stood up and walked over to the door to stand next to him. His face was hard and cold.

"What do you want." Paul was in front of Jacob and he didn't stop him.

He knew if he didn't it could get ugly but something in him just shut off. He wanted to watch her cower in fear, it was sick but he wanted to see her just once afraid, as she should be. Her confidence in him was sickening. Did she really believe that after this he would still be able to protect her? He couldn't even look at her without feeling that rotten pit at the bottom of his stomach. He wanted to watch her hurt. She didn't, she stood taller and he thought for a moment how easy it would be to tear that look off her face, but he wouldn't he would not bring more death and as much as she disgusted him, it would hurt her father and he would not hurt Charlie.

"I'm here to talk to Jacob not you…_dog_." Jacob snapped his head up at her and growled. He had never been this angry at anyone in his entire life, not even the leeches.

"Fuck. Off." He had nothing else to say, he elbowed Paul to move and shut the door in her face. He was disgusted with her, everything she was, everything he believed she was. She was banging on the door now. Leah was watching him, he walked back to the door and she followed, he let her answer.

"In case you didn't get the hint the first time 'Bells' you're not welcome here." Leah had a way of getting under peoples' skin and scaring them shitless. Bella was afraid but she stayed right where she was. He knew that there was more than one wolf ready to spring into action, he wasn't the only one itching to pick her up and toss her across the yard.

"Haven't you done enough Bella. Our alpha is dead because of you. Emily lost her husband because of you. What Is it that you want from Jacob anyway? Because we all know you're not here to offer your condolences or apologize." Bella looked down at her feet and Leah took a step closer to her. Jacob watched the woman tower over the girl he once loved. He once cared enough to do anything and everything for. He was nothing to her then and it took the death of an alpha, their alpha for him to realize it. Leah the woman was strong, beautiful and he had never noticed it until this moment.

"He told you to 'fuck off', I am pretty sure that means he doesn't want to see you. So why are you standing here on the doorstep of Sam's house, Sam a man you killed?" The woman who spoke honestly would not give into the temptation, she could easily snap the girl in half but she didn't.

Jacob watched as she closed the door, not slam but close it in the girls face. He watched her as she walked back across the room to continue with what she was doing, like the girl who was responsible for taking away the man she once loved, had not just disrespected her and her family. Like she really didn't want to watch her die like everyone else. She didn't. And he wished with every bit of himself that he could take away her pain. He wanted to put that fire that once burned with intensity back where it belonged, he had to.

When she knocked a third time Emily charged down the stairs as they all stood around and watched. She threw open the door and glared at Bella.

"I'm sorry Emily. I didn't mean for this to happen" were the only words the girl could get out. Jacob watched on as Emily straightened, her eyes were hard and unforgiving. She was the wife of an alpha, beautiful, poised and calm. Her _everything_ had been taken away from her and the girl in front of her could never understand.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Her words were hard, thick and laced with a venom he didn't know Emily had.

"My Sam died protecting you, he did his job and you have nothing to be sorry for." They all watched on as Emily took a step forward and Bella took a step back. The human woman put the fear into the human girl. The pain was her weapon and Bella was being struck, with each word.

"Jacob does not want to see you, he has taken over Sam's duties. Their job is done. You no longer need protecting" she was only inches away from the girls face now. Jacob was right behind her, ready to protect Emily if he had to.

"I don't care if you stalk Jacob anywhere else but you are no longer welcome in my home, on my front step or anywhere near my property." Bella shrank back and Emily walked inside the house, Jacob did not look back at the girl when he shut the door.


	2. Chapter 2

_Beginning of the end._

_Bella._

It didn't' matter to her that everyone was putting themselves in danger for her, she had the one she loved with her entire existence and the one she didn't love enough. Both loved her enough to risk their lives for her, one loved her enough not to leave her The army of newborn vampires were created to kill her and she didn't think about losing anyone but Edward. Or Jacob. The Cullen's and the wolves fought for her and she didn't once think what it would mean to lose any one of them. It didn't even occur to her that it could happen, she didn't try to stop anyone other than Edward. Or Jacob.

Victoria wanted to kill her and everyone she loved, she had to be stopped so the battle would have happened anyway, it wasn't entirely Bella's fault. When Seth whined and whimpered she was sure she had lost Jacob, so when Edward told her it was Sam she forgot to hide the relief she felt. Seth growled at her and Edward didn't bother to disguise his obvious disgust with her. It didn't matter because it wasn't Edward. Or Jacob, and she could breathe properly.

Bella didn't have to think about what the death of this man meant, she didn't want to think about it. To her it meant that Edward and the rest of the Cullen's would have to leave Forks, they would leave her when Jacob asked them to. He was the new alpha and he was going to make them leave. She had to talk to him, to make him understand why they couldn't leave her, she needed them. When she phoned him he hung up on her, she showed up and he slammed the door in her face or told her to fuck off. It only made her more persistent in her efforts, she was determined to make him see that they couldn't leave, he could not make them leave. He was angry with her and she wasn't sure why anymore. She couldn't understand why he was acting this way, why he was avoiding her or ignoring her.

Edward was becoming distant she recognized the signs, he left her once and she knew he was about to do it again. The Cullen's were upset with her and she didn't understand why, it wasn't like _they_ lost anyone.

They were already preparing to leave and no matter how many times she begged they continued to tell her no. No she couldn't go with them and no they wouldn't stay. They were supposed to change her, supposed to be her family, supposed to keep her whole. She had to talk to Jacob before they left, they would see that this was better for all of them, they could work out whatever the difference was and stay. They could stay long enough to change her and then they could all leave together.

When she showed up to Sam and Emily's house she was determined to make Jacob see things her way. He was being ridiculous by staying mad at her for something she was unable to control. He fought for her because he wanted her alive and she was, he protected her, she just needed him to see that asking the Cullen's to leave would hurt her, he could never hurt her, he had to understand because he was supposed to love her.

He answered the door but before she could say anything Paul, the 'hot head' of the pack stepped between them and asked her what she wanted. He was intimidating but Bella knew that he couldn't hurt her, Jacob wouldn't allow him to. He was alpha now so Paul wouldn't dare hurt her, she was sure of it. She was even more determined to prove this to him, he still loved her and cared about her, they were best friends.

"I'm here to talk to Jacob not you…_dog_." She wasn't going to be afraid of some moody werewolf when Jake was standing right there, he was not happy to see her there but he would eventually get over this... whatever it was. When Jacob finally looked at her, he told her to fuck off and slammed the door right in her face she nearly gave up. But she remembered Edward and the Cullen's and she just couldn't lose them again, that was why she was here.

She banged on the door again louder and harder this time. This time a very angry Leah opened the door. Bella wondered why she would be so bothered by this, didn't she hate Sam? He left her for Emily so why was she so upset?

"In case you didn't get the hint the first time 'Bells' you're not welcome here" Bella stood there, she should be terrified of this woman, she was but she couldn't show it, she had to think about Edward, about Alice, she would not lose them, she couldn't. If standing up to the pack bitch was what she had to do to keep the love of her life then she would. She straightened out and looked Leah in the eye. She would not back down from this woman and Jacob wouldn't let anything happen to her.

"Haven't you done enough Bella? Our alpha is dead because of you. Emily lost her husband because of you. What is it that you want from Jacob anyway? Because we all know you're not here to offer your condolences or apologies." Bella hadn't been expecting this reaction from them. It wasn't her fault though, it couldn't be. They were trying to keep her and her father safe, this was not her fault, they were people and the wolves protected people. Emily lost her husband, maybe she would understand, she could talk to her. She could not lose Edward after everything they have been through. Her chest tightened and her heart hurt remembering the pain she felt when he left her the first time, she could not let him leave again.

"He told you to 'fuck off', I am pretty sure that means he doesn't want to see you. So why are you standing here on the doorstep of Sam's house, Sam a man you killed?" Bella wouldn't take this from her or anyone, she did not kill Sam, she couldn't kill them if she wanted to, they were all indesrtuctible the vampires and werewolves. They were going to have to talk to her eventually and maybe if she could make them understand she was sorry and that it wasn't really her fault, they would let the Cullen's stay. The door was shut in her face again. This time she would demand that Jacob speak with her. She couldn't understand why he was _so_ upset, he didn't even like Sam at first. She balled her hand into a fist and banged as hard as she could. She could hear footsteps from inside, the door flew open she was a bit startled to see Emily standing before her. She looked even angrier than Leah, the scars on her face made her look scarier than she ever thought possible. She had to say something, they had to understand.

"I'm sorry Emily. I didn't mean for this to happen." She didn't. She was sorry. The look on Emily's face was like a slap to her own. It didn't seem as important to make them understand with Emily looking at her the way she was.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Bella winced, the pain was everywhere. It was suddenly very obvious that even if she lost Edward over and over she would never understand Emily's pain. Bella was sorry. This was her fault. Sam was Emily's everything and it was Bella's fault she had lost that, she lost everything.

"My Sam died protecting you, he did his job and you have nothing to be sorry for." Emily was moving toward Bella her movements were strong, Bella took a step back. Emily was even more terrifying than the vampires and werewolves, this woman was angry and Bella was afraid. Everything she wanted no longer mattered.

"Jacob does not want to see you, he has taken over Sam's duties, their job is done, you no longer need protecting" Each word was a threat, Bella stepped back again as Emily stepped toward her. She could see Jacob behind Emily, ready to protect her. He would no longer protect Bella. She looked at everyone else, the grief on each of their faces was something she didn't see, something she should have seen first. She made herself see, she had to look at. This was her fault, Sam died protecting her and everyone who loved him was suffering.

"I don't care if you stalk Jacob anywhere else but you are no longer welcome in my home, on my front step or anywhere near my property." They walked inside and closed the door, she was left alone. It was her fault. She lost Jacob, she would lose Edward too, she would lose the Cullen's and her world would fall apart but no matter how much pain she felt she knew it would never come close to touching the pain that Emily felt.

Jacob wasn't upset with her for the reasons she thought he was, he hated her. It was written all over his face, he would never love her or feel anything close to love for her again. She tried to hold onto him for her own selfish needs and she hurt him. More than once, she broke his heart when all he did was love her. She got in her truck and drove away. There was nothing left for her here, she was no longer welcome.

She sat in her truck parked outside the perfect house of the most perfect family she had ever known. They were everything she wanted in a family. When the battle with the newborn vampires happened she was worried about Edward, she loved the Cullen's but she didn't stop _them_ from fighting for her life. It was selfish, every part of her was greedy with a need for Edward, he came above everything else and it cost her. If they were leaving she would find a way to go with them, Charlie would have to understand that she couldn't be without them, couldn't be without _him_.

It was him that kept her breathing, she needed him and without him the air was sucked from her lungs. Without him she was nothing but an empty shell, hollow and lifeless. His eyes and his crooked smile would fix everything, it would ease the guilt creeping up on her, the sadness overcoming her and the loss of her best friend.

When no one came out to greet her she got out of the truck. She walked up the driveway and into the house. It was quiet, it was empty. They were gone. Her heart felt like it was being ripped from her chest. They hated her too. It was too much, she ran out and jumped into her truck. There was no more Edward. Her chest hurt and her stomach turned, he left her again and all she wanted was to be with him. He was supposed to love her for an eternity. They were supposed to be together always, this was not how it was supposed to end.

**_*If it seems a bit repetitive its because its supposed to be, if Edward is starting to sound like some drug to Bella, its because he is, she is doing horrible things because she cant think about anything but him. The need she has for him overpowers everything else. _**

**_I suppose I should mention that the story will bounce back and fourth between the two of them(Jacob and Bella) for a bit but it is Jacob & Leah.  
_**


	3. Chapter 3

_Bringing back the fire_

_ Jacob._

The weeks were crawling by and Jacob couldn't take it anymore. His head was filled with nothing but pain and sadness it was a part of the pack mind, it had to stop. He hurt like they hurt but this was too much. Embry had taken the spare bedroom at Emily's, he was going to live there now and when he was on patrol Leah would stay over. The rest of the pack were too drained to help her anymore. They were all tired.

This strange feeling that came over him when he watched Emily scared Jacob. He wanted to protect her, keep her safe but he was afraid if he got to close he might do something he would regret. It wasn't that he was attracted to her, he just wanted to comfort her in ways that terrified him. He wanted to hold her and kiss her head, and make her feel loved. It was too much to think about so he avoided her when he could.

He also avoided Leah because the feeling that came over him when he watched her was _not_ scary or strange. He wanted her and wanted to give her every piece of him just to bring back her fire. He made her his beta, she was the only one he really trusted, the only one who trusted him. When he looked at her he saw life again, he saw something worth living for. It wasn't something he could just brush aside and forget, he would see her when he closed his eyes, hear her voice when there was too much silence and he could always smell her. It was tearing at him little by little, this need he had to make her whole again.

"What's on your mind Jacob?" Leah was behind him, invading every one of his senses, he wanted nothing more than to reach behind him and touch her, any part of her would do. She was what was on his mind. Jacob turned to look at her.

"Everything." He couldn't tell her that he has been thinking of devoting the rest of his life to bringing back the fire that once lit every part of her.

The fight that she had wasn't gone but it was buried, he would have to work hard to get her back and then hope he was enough for her.

"Its not about the _Swan girl_ is it?" Leah couldn't stop her lip from curling or the growl that rose up from her chest when she said _her_ name. After the Cullen's left Charlie called on Jacob to help Bella, he wouldn't. He said she was a mess, the same mess she was when they left her the first time. Jacob would not help her this time, he would never help her again.

"No." The last thing he wanted to talk about with a woman he was falling for was the girl who tore his heart to pieces. He never thought he would ever be over Bella. He wondered why he thought she was worth loving, worth fighting for and right now he couldn't find a reason for either. Leah walked around and flopped down beside him. She was watching him again, she did that a lot and he wanted to know what she was looking for but he was afraid of what she might say.

"So Emily is going to stay with her mom for a bit." Leah cut into the silence. Jacob knew this was a possibility, she wouldn't stay here forever, eventually she would have to move on, he figured it was better for her to be away from here, away from them anyway.

"Yea Embry stopped by earlier today to let me know." Leah was giving him a strange look, there were questions in her eyes, he tried not to stare at her but he couldn't help himself.

"Why are you avoiding her?" He looked away from her, he could be honest but it wasn't something he wanted to think about, especially when Leah was here.

"I just don't want to crowd her." Leah knew he was lying, he wanted her to push him, just to see something spark in her but she didn't. She just nodded.

"Is Embry going to look after the house or did you want me to do it? I already talked to Emily and she said it didn't matter to her. She trusts us enough to make sure everything stays in one piece." Leah looked at him with a small smile on her lips. It took all of his self control not to touch those lips. He smiled back at her.

"Maybe you can stay there to keep an eye on Embry, Emily might trust everyone but _I_ only trust _you_." He meant it. There wasn't another person he trusted. Leah was honest, sometimes brutally so and he appreciated it. She was smiling at him again. Jacob was losing himself in her eyes, which had softened a bit in that moment but it was gone when his dad came through the front door with her mom.

"Jacob there are groceries out there why don't you run out and grab them...unless I'm interrupting something...?" Jacob shot up from the couch, he might have been a man carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders but his dad still managed to embarrass him, it was ridiculous. He could hear Leah laughing, he thought that if his humiliation could make her do that again he would endure it. He picked up half of the bags and walked back into the house, he brought them to the kitchen where Leah was sitting on the counter. He was starting to think she was well aware of his feelings for her, it made him grumble to himself.

"What was that Black?" He hated when she called him Black, but she called him Black because she knew he hated it. It wasn't worth arguing every single time, this time he would let it slide.

"I was just saying you could have given me a hand." Leah started clapping and then she laughed. It was like every day since the battle hadn't happened for a moment and it was nice.

He was still laughing when he walked back out to grab what was left of the groceries. Jacob looked up from his bags and his smile fell, Bella was sitting outside in Charlie's cruiser. He felt sick again. Leah came out and it made him even angrier. These past few weeks were hard to get through and today was the first real smile he had seen on her and now it was gone. He turned around to the cruiser and Bella was getting out. He took a breath to calm himself down. What did she want from him, he had nothing left to give her.

"_What_ are _you _doing here?" It didn't bother him that she was crying or that she looked smaller, he honestly didn't care. She was walking toward him and he could almost feel the heat from Leah she was going to act first, think later. He grabbed her hand and pulled her to his side. He knew Bella was watching, this was not for her benefit.

"I just wanted to see you." Bella looked worse than she did when the Cullen's left the first time. She looked strung out, he wondered if maybe she was on something. He stared back at the cruiser and thought it was possible. Leah was squeezing his hand. He couldn't think of anything to say to the girl in front of him. Did she expect a hug or an 'I missed you' from him? He no longer felt anything, even the hatred was slipping away, he was getting closer to feeling nothing at all for her.

"I don't know why you wanted to see me Bella._ I don't_ want to see you." Her face was sunken and sallow. It was disturbing to him. The tears that were pouring from her eyes had no effect on him. Leah was watching him again. He wondered if Charlie knew she was here and that she had his car. He turned back to the house, his dad was sitting inside staring at the girl he had known since childhood. Jacob waited for him to see the cruiser, he did and looked back to Jacob and nodded. There were a lot of things he didn't want to have to do at the moment and one was drive the girl in front of him anywhere, but he knew he couldn't let her wander off and kill herself, it would hurt Charlie.

"Why do you have Charlie's cruiser?" Leah asked the girl. It wasn't rude, she didn't spit at her it was a simple question, she was as curious as he was. Bella looked at the woman beside him and shook her head. Her movements made Jacobs stomach turn, she was on something. Or maybe she just hadn't been eating properly. There was a tiny piece of him that still cared that she lived and he was trying to keep _that_ part buried.

"He...he doesn't know and. And I needed to use it to see Jacob." Bella sounded as terrible as she looked. Leah shrugged her shoulders,gave the girl a nod and looked back at him. He was gripping her hand now. He needed to hold onto what was here and now, he did not want to fall back into something that broke him in too many ways. Bella was a wreck and he did not want to sink, crash or anything with her.

"Leah and I are going to take you back to Forks, you cant be here." Bella just nodded, the tears seemed to be constantly falling down her face. He turned to look at Leah and she nodded. He was glad because he could not do this alone. He told Bella to wait in the back of the car, his car. He would drive her but he couldn't sit beside her. He walked back into the house and noticed his dad had his head bowed, his entire frame was slumped in his chair and he was...crying.

"Charlie was in an accident a few days ago Jake...he didn't make it." Jacob was struggling to breathe. He couldn't breathe. He felt like his lungs were burning. How could this happen? The small part of him that cared about Bella ripped itself open and poured all over everything else. Bella was alone. Her mother wouldn't worry about her, she was legally an adult now. He felt like his insides were crumbling what was he supposed to do now? He couldn't take care of her. He wanted her to be okay, or part of him did but _he_ wasn't going to take care of her. He couldn't.

"What are we supposed to do with her?" Jacob knew that his dad wouldn't let her leave, he was swearing now. If she was living here, he was moving out. He could live at Emily's he didn't care what was going on with that, he wouldn't be where Bella was, he couldn't be.

"If she stays here I am going to have to find somewhere else to stay." His dad nodded. He could not fall into that death trap again. It was to hard for him to climb out the first few times, he couldn't. Sue offered her a room at her house and Leah surprised him by not making a big deal about it. He looked at her but she wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Well I guess we better drive her home to get her things."Leah suggested. He couldn't find words. He just nodded.

Leah drove, she seemed to be the most calm of both of them.

"Sorry about your dad." Leah said to Bella. Jacob couldn't look at either of them. _That's_ why Leah didn't argue and why she was suddenly more understanding. He could hear Bella crying again and that part of him that cared was screaming for him to comfort her. He swallowed the lump in his throat. Leah kept her eyes on the road but he could feel her glancing over at him.

"Me too." Was all Bella said back.

Jacob was gripping the arm rest, he had to help Bella maybe not in the same way he helped her before but he had to help her somehow.

_***Why Charlie why! I don't know why I let these things happen. I apologize.**_

_**and very quickly thank you to those who have read & reviewed as well as added to story alert and favorites I really appreciate it :)  
**_


	4. Chapter 4

_taking care._

_Bella._

Nothing mattered anymore. No one mattered anymore. Bella was tired. Every part of her ached with a pain worse than she had ever known. Her dad was gone and nothing else mattered. Her eyes were puffy and swollen and her throat was raw. She couldn't remember the last time she ate, there was food being dropped off to her by the wives of the men who worked with her father but she couldn't eat, nothing would stay down.

Being alone terrified her, the first night she swore she could hear Charlie coughing, she could hear his footsteps. She shut her eyes and wished that this was all just a nightmare and she could just wake up. It wasn't. She didn't. The noises stopped. Her head was pounding and it felt like weights were being piled on top of her chest, she couldn't breathe. She called out for her dad but he didn't come. When she woke up in the morning she walked into his room, it smelled like him. All she needed was to see him, just one last time. Apologize for not being the daughter he deserved, for not telling him she loved him enough, for not being enough. Just one last time. She walked over to his bed, crawled beneath the cool covers and it was then she knew he was really gone. She could wish all she wanted but _this_ was all she had left of him.

It hurt so much to think of how she almost left him, this pain would be his right now. She was glad that _they _were gone. Glad that they didn't give her the chance to leave her father behind. When they left she would not allow herself to be swallowed by the same emptiness that she had before, she was upset but she was still alive and breathing. She could live without them. She had to. When she cried she wasn't crying over them like she thought she would. Bella cried because Emily's broken stare was all she could see sometimes. The man who saved her life twice was dead because of her. It hurt and she hated herself for it. Every bit of it was as painful as it should be, she deserved to feel that guilt that took over her entire being, she wouldn't let herself fee bad about her losses they meant nothing anymore. The Cullen's left her but they still existed, they still 'lived' she would not feel bad about it, she wanted to but she couldn't.

The second night Bella woke up screaming like she had done so many nights before. Her body trembled and her hair was damp and matted from sweat. She watched her door, knowing that he would not come in to check on her the way he had so many times before. She cried herself back to sleep. When she woke up in the morning she knew she had to make arrangements but she couldn't bring herself to do it. The funeral would be paid for she just had to handle arrangements and she wasn't sure if she could handle anything anymore.

She still had to tell Billy, he was one of her dad's closest friends and she knew it would be difficult. She went downstairs and looked out the window and her fathers police cruiser was still sitting outside, they hadn't sent anyone to pick it up yet. Charlie was driving his own car from Port Angeles when he was hit, she pushed away the images of him being trapped and bleeding to death, screaming for help when there was none around, he was already gone when help arrived, they probably couldn't have saved him anyway.

She looked for the keys and found them in the jacket pocket of his uniform. It took her a few moments to calm down, she didn't want to be in this house anymore and she needed to see someone, anyone. Needed to be somewhere, anywhere but here. Jacob would still hate her but she needed to see him, to know he was still there, still real and she still had to tell Billy.

She drove to La Push and stopped in front of the red house. She watched a moment while Jacob was laughing about something. He spotted her and his smile was gone, he was angry again, like he had been when she last seen him. He was supposed to hate her, she wanted him to. Leah walked out of the house and her smile fell as well. Bella didn't miss the look on Jacobs face when he watched the woman, then the hatred when he turned back to her.

"_What _are _you_ doing here?" The tears were pouring out and she didn't try to stop them.

Bella watched as he grabbed Leah's hand and pulled her to his side.

She didn't expect Jacob to welcome her back with open arms, she just wanted to see him alive and he was. He was more than alive with the beautiful woman at his side, he was living, breathing, being. Something she hadn't done in days,weeks,months.

"I just wanted to see you." To make sure he was still there, still living, to know that his absence was a choice. That he hadn't suddenly been removed from existence like her father.

"I don't know why you wanted to see me Bella. _I don't _want to see you." She knew that. It was still painful to hear though. She came to tell them about Charlie but she couldn't find the words. It didn't feel real, even if she knew it was painfully real. This black hole that was snatching away every one and everything she loved was real.

Jacob was watching her probably noticing the things she didn't want to see when she looked in the mirror. He turned to look at the house where Billy was watching her, noticing something too. They looked at the cruiser behind Bella and they knew something wasn't right, something was terribly wrong. She needed to tell them about Charlie.

"Why do you have Charlie's cruiser?" Leah asked. Bella noticed that she looked more concerned now than she did angry.

"He…he doesn't know and. And I needed to use it to see Jacob." Bella wanted to tell them about Charlie, but didn't want to say the words, she couldn't. It was already painful but to have to say it would really hurt. Leah shrugged and nodded, accepting her answer. Bella noticed the way Jacob squeezed Leah's hand tighter.

"Leah and I are going to take you back to Forks, you cant be here." Bella could feel the tears again, she wasn't sure if she'd stopped crying since she got there. She nodded her head and went to his car to wait for them. They were in there a few minutes and Jacob came back looking even worse. They got in and started driving

"Sorry about your dad" Leah said from behind the wheel. Bella didn't expect her to say it. She was crying harder than before. All she wanted was for this to be over. For him to be home waiting for her to walk in the door, or to know there would be a message from him telling her he would be late tonight. It wasn't going to happen, it would never happen because he was really gone.

"Me too." Bella finally said back.

They pulled up in front of the house and Bella got out of the car on shaky legs, she did not want to be here again. Leah was having some silent conversation with Jacob when Bella looked over to them. She wanted to be jealous of Leah, but she couldn't. She didn't deserve to be.

"My mom and Billy thought it would be a good idea if you came back to La Push, there is a spare room at our place." Bella was staring at the woman. Leah just offered her to stay with them she didn't look that upset by the idea, not as much as she probably should be. She looked over at Jacob, he nodded his head but he wouldn't look at her.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? I don't want to impose…it- I'm sorry." Bella wanted to go, she couldn't stay at this house again. It felt like Charlie was still there, like she could feel him there and she wasn't sure she would be okay if she stayed. But she didn't want to go either. Leah nodded her head.

"Its fine. It's not forever. Just until you're ready to come back here." Why was Leah being so nice to her when she didn't deserve it. She nodded and went to get some of her things. She hurried, because when she stepped back into the house she could swear Charlie was sitting in his chair. She wouldn't look, it would be too hard to turn and see nothing.

She was packing up her bag when she heard what sounded like a cough. She froze. It sounded real, it sounded like Charlie. She wanted to call out for him. But she quickly threw whatever she could into the bag and ran down the stairs. Leah and Jacob were waiting outside for her. They were driving away and she turned around to look at the house, she could swear Charlie was standing in the front of the door watching her leave. She was sorry that she almost left him to be with the Cullen's. Sorry that she put him through so much and especially sorry that he died not knowing just how very sorry she was.

"You alright back there?" Leah was asking her. She nodded her head. She wasn't alright she just heard and saw her dead father. She hadn't eaten in days and he was pretty sure she was going to pass out. She was not alright but she could pretend to be. They already had enough to worry about, she didn't need to make herself their problem too.

They got back to the reserve and went to Billy's house first. Bella walked in and saw Billy in his chair crying. The lump in her throat seemed to get bigger when he looked up at her. She moved slowly to where he was, when he pulled her to him to hug her she lost it. Her sobs were loud,broken and made her entire body shake. This was the first person who shared her loss, he felt it too. Someone who really loved her father, someone who really knew him. When she could finally pull herself away Billy looked at her and his face became sad in a different way.

"You haven't been taking care of yourself Bella." It was not a question. No she hadn't. It worried her that she didn't feel hungry anymore. It worried her even more that she was losing her mind.

"I cant eat, I cant sleep and I can hear him Billy. I can see him sometimes too." Bella needed someone to tell her she was crazy, to lock her up. He was watching her, he didn't look at her like she was crazy. He looked at her like he understood.

"Losing someone you love is hard. He'll leave when you can accept that he's gone." Bella was trying to accept it. He was all she had left and now he was gone.

"I cant. He was all I had left." Billy held onto her while she cried. She felt like a child curled up in his arms.

"You will when you're ready. You need to take care of yourself now though Bella." Billy told her. She did have to take care of herself. She had to learn to look after her, not depend on those around her. She was an adult and she shouldn't have to rely on others. She nodded her head. She could do that, she could take care of herself.

**_ The sadness will be over soon I hope. I just needed to get this out of the way for future chapters. ANNND Bella wont be this miserable forever its an unfortunate way for her to finally see the world around her, I know I made her out to be awful but I promise she will not always be. There will be no Bella/Jacob nonsense here (NO WAY NO HOW!) _**

**_Thank you for reading :)_**


	5. Chapter 5

_Letting go._

_Jacob._

The funeral was a train wreck. Jacob watched his father trying to hold together a very broken Bella Swan. It was difficult to look at and he did not want to be there. He watched on as Leah, the woman he was very much in love with, did what she could to help out with everything while trying not to think about her own fathers funeral. Charlie's body was in such bad shape that it was a closed casket funeral. Jacob watched the people around him. There were women hovering around Bella, making sure she wasn't going to collapse…again. The lump in his throat started to hurt when he refused to swallow it. It was difficult for him to stand there in one piece when everything seemed to blur around him. Sam was gone. Charlie was gone and whatever he felt for Bella once upon a time, was gone.

Over the next couple of weeks Jacob kept an eye on her from a safe distance while Billy, Sue and Leah made sure she was eating and sleeping properly. Leah surprised him with the way she handled herself around Bella. He was starting to think she didn't hate the girl as much as he thought she did. But that was Leah, she didn't care what anyone thought. She did what she did because she wanted to. So helping Bella was something she wanted to do, it confused him but he thought maybe she did it so she could forget about her own grief for a while.

His feelings for Leah weren't that big of a secret anymore. Her fight was back and so was her fire. There were things about her that he loved more than others and that intensity, that passion that she had was what he loved. She was a lot of things now and he wanted her, all of her. Everyone knew it, even Leah knew it. It was just not the right time to act, even if they behaved like a couple, they weren't really. It was driving him insane. She was caught up in other things and it was making him crazy.

"Jeez Black, you look like shit." Paul interrupted his thoughts. At least the pack seemed to be looking better. Emily was back and she wasn't in as bad of shape as she was when she left. His need to comfort her seemed to disappear and he wondered if it was because she was no longer broken, he was starting to think he had some sick pull to broken women.

"I feel like shit." He did. He was killing himself avoiding Bella, it bothered him that she was always there. It bothered him because when he wanted her there she wasn't and now that he wanted her gone, she just wouldn't go away. Paul nodded and sat down right beside him on the couch. He couldn't remember what Paul was like when he wasn't in his personal space, couldn't remember what that bit of silence with him was like and he honestly didn't want to. An annoying Paul was better than a depressed Paul any day.

"Where's your woman?". Jacob smiled and shook his head, if Leah heard him she would have kicked his ass.

"You're lucky man, she would be tearing you apart if she heard you talking about her that way." Paul laughed. He had seen the wrath of Leah before, they all have. Paul had a run in more recently but no one would share with him what it was about, he figured it had something to do with Bella, everything seemed to point back in _that_ direction lately.

"You didn't deny it, so she'd be shredding us both if she were here." Paul got up again and walked over to the fridge. Emily must have been out of food.

"Well she isn't my woman and I don't know where she is." He lied. He knew she was with Sue helping Bella get settled back into her own house in Forks, finally. He didn't want to know any details about _her_ well being. It would drift into conversations around him but he chose to ignore it. She was still alive and apparently she was well enough to go home, what more did he need to know, it really wasn't any of his business anyway.

"I thought I seen her with the leech lover earlier. Are they best friends now or some shit?" Paul sat back down beside him. Like Leah he was honest but he had a way of twisting the truth and throwing it in your face rather than just presenting it the way it was. Leah was honest in a way that made sense, everything made sense with her where Jacob was concerned. Leah was definitely not friends with Bella and if she was Jacob would have some serious issues to deal with, such as having to get along with the girl he couldn't stand to be around for the sake of the woman he loved, things were getting really twisted up when it came to Leah.

"I don't know, I don't keep track of everything she does." He didn't, Leah would hunt him down if he tried. Paul was grinning at him like he knew something he didn't. He didn't like that look.

"I don't know what it is about that girl. She has everyone wrapped around her skinny, pale finger and you know, I think Leah has become the latest victim to Swan's sick and twisted love em and leave em game." Jacob growled, Paul needed to shut up. Leah was not anyone's victim and even if he didn't care all that much for Bella anymore, she wasn't stupid enough to toy with someone like Leah, not if she wanted to keep all her bones from being broken or from being verbally attacked enough to leave her scarred for life. She wasn't a complete idiot. He chose to keep quiet but it his silence only encouraged Paul to continue.

"First you, now Leah, who's next Embry? Is she going to try to make it through the whole pack?" He wasn't even going to give him an answer, Jacob just turned around and broke Paul's nose. It wasn't as satisfying as it should have been but it shut him up. He was well aware of his place in Bella's life and did not need to be reminded of exactly what happened, he was there.

"Dude what the fuck." Paul never seemed to know or care just where the line was, he always crossed it. He would heal and then eat and forget about it. Paul was simple like that. Not stupid he just preferred to deal with things in one of two ways. Fight or forget. It was simple.

"You just broke my fucking nose Black." Paul was cracking it back into place, it would be fine in a few minutes, or hours.

"You need to learn when to shut up Paul." Jacob was smiling. It was nice, in a weird way, for things to be somewhat normal again. Paul glared at him from behind his bloodied hand. Normal was what he needed.

"Fuck you Black, I'm going back to Emily's to see if she's got anything else to eat." Paul left still cussing on his way out the door. He'd be alright and Jacob knew that, he was Paul, a hot head but he laid everything out and then got over it. Simple.

Jacob was by himself again and now all he could think about was what Paul said. He wasn't even sure what was happening with Leah when it came to Bella. It was a rule of his, he didn't want to know when it came to her but if Leah was friends with her or something that would have to change. His dad walked through the door and Jacob needed to know.

"Are Leah and Bella friends?" Jacob tried to keep the irritation out of his voice. Not that he didn't think they could be friends, he just could not even imagine it, it was too weird. Bella was too needy to be friends with someone like Leah. He just wanted to know. Billy looked at him for what felt like an eternity.

"Someone has to be her friend." No. No one had to be anyone's friend. They were adults now, no one forced them to play together like when they were kids they could choose who they wanted to be friends with. He was annoyed with his dads choice of words and the implication behind those words. He wasn't friends with Bella when they thought he should have been but didn't it count that he was friends with her when he didn't have to be? He rescued her too many times to count any more. Why didn't anyone seem to remember that part? He put her back together before and he seemed to be the only one to remember that.

"So they're friends then?" Jacob needed this to be cleared up. Billy shook his head and sighed.

"Leah is helping her out, she needs someone to help her and Leah is that someone right now." Jacob hated when his dad turned into an elder, his words were always too strong and usually too right to argue with, so he didn't bother trying.

"I know you blame her for Sam's death Jacob but she isn't the one who took his life. It wasn't her fault that it happened. You don't have to forgive her until you're ready son but you need to move forward, you need to let it go." Jacob nodded his head but inside he was stomping his feet. He _was_ moving forward, he just happened to be leaving the past where it was, leaving Bella where she belonged.

It wasn't a simple thing, to just let go. His entire life changed after Sam died. Everyone's did. Bella had everything and very little to do with that. So letting go was going to be hard and it would take time. He didn't want to do it yet. It was probably harder holding on but sometimes Jacob was stubborn enough to take the hard way and this was one of those times.

Bella was back to living in her own house in Forks and Leah was spending a lot of time there or Bella was still over at Sue's. Paul was getting on Jacob's nerves, it wasn't because he was being his usual obnoxious self. It was the silence and avoiding the subject that irritated him. He knew Paul wanted to take a jab at him so why didn't he? Its not like he suddenly developed a conscience or something.

"What is your problem Paul? you've been sitting there quietly since you got here. I know you want to say something so go ahead and say it already." Jacob was quickly slipping, he didn't want to hold onto the weight any longer but the stubborn part of him continued to hang on, grasping at whatever it could and it was definitely pulling him down.

"I don't have a problem Black. I don't know what crawled up your ass this morning but maybe you should go see if your girlfriend can pull it out for you. Oh right she cant. She's off painting her nails with Swan. Sorry I forgot." Jacob did not miss the weird way he said it. It should have come out harsher, colder but it didn't. He looked at Paul and ordered him to speak.

"I don't know what your deal is but you're going to tell me now. You're hiding something. What is it?" Jacob was glaring at him, Paul wasn't up in his face like he usually was either, these things did not go unnoticed. Something was up and he needed to know exactly what that something was.

"What the fuck would I have to hide from you? That chick messed you up bad man. Seriously. You think we're all out to get you or something. I'm not. I don't want to be by myself in my empty house. Jared is running with Quil and I don't want to be at Emily's because she's crying again so I came here. You didn't seem like you were in the mood to be bothered so I figured I'd cut you some slack for a change. Shit Black you need to get a fucking grip." Paul was right. It was a rare occurrence but today he was right. His dad was right too. It was time to let some things go. He could worry about the rest later.

"Sorry man I just- Sorry." He wasn't going to tell him why he was acting like an idiot. Paul already knew anyway. He was being something close to paranoid with people he should trust. It was messing him up. Paul nodded. It bothered him that he was the only one still harboring this hate for Bella, when did that happen, the part where everyone forgave her? He could not just forget everything and forgive her but he would have to stop being a child about it eventually.

"Well if you're going to sit around and cry I am going to head over to Emily's at least she's got food. You gonna come?" Paul was already walking out the door. Jacob didn't want to hang out with Paul but he didn't want to sit around 'crying' either. He didn't need any more time to think. His choices were to let go or hold on and he didn't really feel like holding onto anything anymore.

_** *Real quick thought/question: Why does Paul not have a last name in the series? He was one of the first to change/phase wasn't he? what is up with that? I am asking because I wanted to call him by his last name like 'Black' and 'Clearwater' but there is nothing to call him! I also refuse to use the last name of the actor who plays him(nothing wrong with it, I just personally feel weird about using it is all)  
**_

_**Thanks for reading :)**_


	6. Chapter 6

_back into the world_

_Bella._

After the funeral Bella was starting to accept that Charlie was gone. Staying with the Clearwater's seemed to help her out, a lot. She was grateful for Sue, she wished her own mother cared about her the same way. It was Sue that made sure she was eating properly and Sue that put her own children on Bella-watch to make sure she was okay. Seth watched her while Leah was gone doing whatever, she thought probably pack stuff or Jacob stuff, maybe both and Leah watched her whenever she lost a bet to Seth and she seemed to have some unfortunate luck when it came to betting against her brother.

Bella spent most of the time she was there holed up in the spare room. When Seth was there he played cards and watched TV with her, she thought he was possibly the sweetest kid ever and he reminded her a lot of someone else. That someone else still didn't talk to her, she understood though, he hated her, always would. It was another thing she was learning to accept. He didn't even acknowledge her existence when he did come around, it would have bothered her before but she knew that she didn't have the right to be bothered by it now. She watched the way he looked at Leah and at first it made her uncomfortable but she could see just how happy she made him. The way he lit up whenever she was there. It was obvious that Leah felt the same way, she watched Jacob when he wasn't watching her, it was cute in a way that wouldn't make Leah break her arm for saying she was cute.

It wasn't until the second week she was there that she really talked to Leah. Bella was reading on the arm chair and Leah was sprawled out on the couch watching TV.

"Hey did you ever sleep with the leech?" Leah was staring at her. Bella blinked and swallowed and then blinked again, she was wondering if maybe she there was more to this question and maybe she missed something else that was said. Leah laughed and then shook her head.

"No. I didn't sleep with…with the lee- with Edward." her answer made Leah laugh even harder and Bella wasn't sure how she felt about having this conversation.

"So you know nothing about the anatomy of a male vampire then?" Leah was sitting up now, more interested in having this discussion than Bella was . Her face was turning many shades of red. She hadn't been this embarrassed in…well ever. But for some reason she answered her.

"I know _some _things about…_that_ yea." Bella was fiddling with the cover of her book. Leah's mouth had dropped open a bit. It wasn't something she ever wanted to share with anyone ever but here she was telling Leah, a woman who she was sure still hated her, about her and Edward's intimate moments.

"I changed my mind. I really _don't_ want to know if a bloodsucker can get it up or not." Leah was turning herself away from Bella again, leaving her confused but glad she wouldn't have to confess what she knew. It was already humiliating enough knowing the things she knew about him. Although it did make her wonder how it was a possible, because she knew it was.

Leah ignored her most of the time but sometimes when they were alone she would ask Bella strange questions, she wasn't sure what she was trying to put together with these random facts about her, it was puzzling. She once asked her why her moms husband, Phil chose the laziest sport to play professionally, or semi-professionally. It made Bella laugh which for her was a weird sensation after not doing it in so long. When Leah forced her out of the house she didn't fight her, how could she? She wanted to avoid it as much as possible but she couldn't do that forever. She didn't question where they were going she just followed Leah around. She made her talk to the cashier at the store, the attendant at the gas station and even Jared and Paul when they ran into them. It made her heart pound hard against her chest, she was terrified of them but she forced herself to smile politely and say hello.

"Well, well Leah's got herself a new pet huh?" Paul was smirking at her. She knew they hated her and that she deserved it but he was just cruel. Leah watched her for a moment before she answered.

"Yea well at least she's obedient, Jared you need to get this mutt of yours a leash if you're going to be taking him out in public." She patted Paul's head. Bella's eyes were nearly bugging out of her head when he let out a growl, he was terrifying.

Leah was even more frightening, her lips curled back exposing her white teeth, which somehow made her appear more wolf like. Her dark brown eyes looked lighter when she let out a low growl, Bella was glad she had used the bathroom before they left, this could have been worse. Jared's laughter shook them out of the moment.

"Jesus Christ Leah you're scaring the shit out of the girl." Leah looked at her and started laughing. Bella stared at the three pack members in front of her, she didn't think any of this was funny. She had seen them in their wolf forms and seen them phase but _that_ was the scariest thing she'd ever seen them do. She was shaking, Leah finally stopped laughing and hissed something too low for her to hear at Paul before they walked away.

It took her a while but she realized what Leah was doing, she was helping her. She was glad she didn't just toss her into the world of the living like she could have done. It would have been less time and energy on Leah's part but she didn't seem to care. At one point she even brought her to Emily's. Bella was shrinking back, this was the only thing she would fight Leah on. She stood outside, as far away from the house as she could.

"I can't go in there Leah. Emily told me I couldn't and I will not disrespect her wishes." Bella crossed her arms and refused to move. She didn't want Leah to go back to hating her but she didn't want to hurt Emily, that was just pushing it. She watched Leah walk into the house. It was a few minutes before Emily walked out onto the front porch and looked at her. Bella wished she could see what she looked like but she was afraid to move. Emily walked towards her, the closer she got, the more Bella's stomach turned. When she was finally face to face with the woman she felt her heart stop.

There was a rush of emotions, she was doing everything not to cry and throw herself at the woman's feet, begging for forgiveness. Emily didn't look angry, she didn't look scary and she didn't look like she hated her. There was something different about her but she wasn't sure and she was not going to try guessing.

"I'm sorry about Charlie." Emily took a step closer. Bella nodded her head.

"I'm sorry about Sam." Bella's voice cracked, the guilt had been eating her alive until it was all she could feel. Then her dad died and she couldn't feel anything but the loss. Emily nodded her head and gave her a small smile.

"Why don't you come inside for a bit, the boys wont be back for a while." Emily didn't give her a chance to answer she grabbed her hand and led her inside. Leah was sitting at the table when they walked in.

"I finally got her to stop crying and you start her up again." Leah said to Emily as she sat down across from her. Bella watched as Emily stuck her tongue out at Leah. They were caught up in their own world which Bella found fascinating at the moment. The door flew open and Bella jumped almost two feet up and Leah laughed. Jared walked in with Quil, they looked at Bella standing there holding her chest back to Leah and Emily who were both laughing now.

"Is there anything to eat?" Jared asked Emily as he walked into the kitchen. Bella finally calmed down enough to sit down beside a very amused Leah. She glared at the woman.

"Why do you get such a kick out of me being scared…_shitless_" Bella whispered the last word like someone would come and arrest her for using it. It only seemed to please Leah that she was standing up to her, sort of. Bella didn't understand her at all but she was grateful for her help. She felt better. A lot better, about a lot of things.

"Paul hasn't stopped bitching about your run in the other day, I think he has a crush on um…the-Bella here, he wont stop complaining about her. He threatened me when I asked him about it though so…" Jared was talking to Leah while stuffing his face with a stacked sandwich of some kind. Leah just snorted and rolled her eyes. Bella's face turned pink, she hated that she blushed over silly things like that.

"Wouldn't be surprised, she is a woman and Paul isn't picky." Quil said. It was obviously an insult, he still hated her, she tried not to look hurt but her self esteem was already at an all time low. Leah looked from Bella to Quil and she leaned over to smack him in the back of the head.

"Shut up idiot." Leah sat back down. Quil looked over to where Bella was sitting and she thought he looked like he felt bad but she couldn't be sure.

"I wasn't insulting her. I was just saying, we all know Paul. Paul's type is everyone. It wasn't- I didn't mean it the way it sounded. Sorry Bella." He looked sorry and maybe he didn't hate her. That still confused her, why everyone, with one or two exceptions, would willingly forgive her but she thought it had something or everything to do with Leah. She nodded her head, she had to stop being such a cry baby, it made people uncomfortable.

Paul walked in, looked around and walked back out. They were all laughing, Bella didn't really get what was so funny but she liked seeing them happy. It was about an hour later when Paul walked back in with Jacob. He looked around and everyone, except Leah, had their heads down. She figured they were feeling bad about having her there, she shouldn't have been there.

"Hey Black, its about time you showed your face around here." He stopped glaring to look over at Leah. It was almost comical the hold she had on him. Of course Bella wouldn't laugh.

"Yea well Paul wouldn't leave me alone. I thought _you_ were _supposed_ to be in Forks or something." Jacob sounded like he was accusing her of something. Leah raised her eyebrows and shook her head, this was funny to her, and Bella thought so too.

"_We_ were in Forks but _we_ came to keep Emily company, I didn't realize I had to check in with _you_." Leah wasn't angry at all about it, it was funny to her. He shook his head and dropped it. Bella didn't imagine that he would ever win an argument with Leah, ever.

He took a big breath in and then sighed before he turned back to Bella. She was panicking, he hadn't looked at her in forever and it made her uncomfortable while everyone there watched.

"Can I talk to you outside for a minute?" He wanted to talk to her, he acknowledged her _and_ he wanted to talk to her. She looked over to Leah, she wasn't sure why but it made him and everyone else laugh. Leah nodded for her to go ahead. They walked outside, just a little ways from the house and Bella noticed that he kept a safe distance, she did too.

"I'm still mad at you Bella, I cant just forget everything that happened." He looked at her, he couldn't forget it but why did he look like he was trying to forgive her? He took a breath.

"It changed everything for me. And it changed things for everyone else around here too." He mumbled something about "Although you wouldn't think so."

Bella didn't want to come between the pack, ever. It bothered her that this might be what she was doing.

"I don't want to be your friend, I can't but I know that Leah wants to be and I don't want things to be awkward or uncomfortable for her to have us both around." Jacob was staring back at the house, as if he could see straight through the panels, through the wall to where she was. Bella snorted. It wasn't at all funny but it was. Her ex best friend was standing in front of her pining over a woman who somehow became the only friend she had, if she could call her that. Leah was sort of a friend or something close to a friend.

"I don't think you should worry about Leah ever having to be awkward or uncomfortable, I don't think she's ever been either." Bella didn't want to sound smug about knowing this, it seemed like it was obvious enough. Jacob's eyes got a bit wider when he looked back at her, he laughed. It was weird. Every single thing about this was weird. But watching Jacob lose his mind over Leah sort of put things in perspective for her.

She wasn't proud of her choices and she was ashamed of many things from her past but not choosing Jacob was something she did not regret. Leah was meant for him and he was meant for Leah, maybe they were a little slow figuring it out but it was a hard thing not to notice. Bella knew things with Jacob would never be the same but maybe they just weren't meant to be that way, he was better off without her and she was starting to be better off on her own, thanks to Leah.

***I want Bella to grow up and think for herself and Leah is helping her do just that, this is the only explanation I have for this developing friendship of theirs, that and Leah is just not the big bad bitch everyone thinks she is. **

**sooo thoughts on this?  
**

**Thanks for reading :)**


	7. Chapter 7

_Expect the worst, hope for the best_

_Jacob _

He didn't want to talk to Bella but he was honestly glad he did. He could get on with his life now and the first step was to make things official with Leah, well, more official. Their relationship was too complicated and he needed to undo that and have it be simple. When he walked into the Clearwater house Bella was sitting at the table reading, he looked around for Leah, she was no where in sight.

"She went to the store, she should be back in a few minutes." Bella said without looking up from her book. He sighed and sat down across from her. They weren't friends, they never talked, he said 'hi' to be polite but they never said anything to each other and it seemed to work out okay.

"Its not polite to stare at people Jacob." she said, still not looking up. He shook his head, it was still weird but he would get used to it.

"I wasn't staring. I was thinking and isn't this weird for you?" He had to know if it was just him because she always looked like everything was fine and dandy, that bothered him for some reason.

"Isn't what weird? The fact that we aren't friends anymore and that I am friends with your girlfriend, or almost girlfriend? Or pretending that everything is normal?" She finally put her book down and looked at him. It was all of the above

"All of it I guess. I think the weirdest part for me is that I always cared too much and one day that became less and less and now I don't know what I feel but its definitely not the same." He needed to get it off his chest. He used to love her. Be in love with her. Then one day it all just disappeared. It wasn't as difficult when he had Leah around, everything was easier for him with her there.

"Yea its weird. Look, I'm sorry for the way I treated you Jacob. You didn't deserve it and if I could take it back I would. I really am sorry." She was and he knew it. He had to admit that forgiving her was a lot easier than he thought and he felt better already. Lighter. He would eventually tell her that and apologize to her for shutting her out but when he was ready. For now he just nodded and relaxed a bit. She didn't press, she just went back to reading her book.

He could hear Leah coming up the to the front door, he needed to get this done now.

"I'm glad you're okay Bella." He said before running to the door and pulling Leah back outside, he was glad she was alright but he didn't want to have to deal with a 'moment' when he had other things to take care of.

"I need to talk to you." He didn't mean for it to sound so serious but that's the way it came out. Leah crossed her arms over her chest and he noticed everything she did so he looked. His eyes nearly popped out of his head when he really looked at her. Leah was wearing the smallest tank top he'd ever seen her wear and it clung to her in ways that he wished no one else but him could see. Her shorts were so short he was sure if she turned around they would only _just_ cover the part of her that would fit perfectly in his hands, if only he could know for sure. She cleared her throat and he looked up at her and was she smirking at him?

"Well Black you got me. So...talk." She said while taking a step closer to him. He had to focus, her scent washed over him and he was starting to forget why he wanted to talk to her. She took another step closer and all he could think about was touching her. He wanted to feel every part of her. Leah was looking up at him, smiling. She was playing with him. She knew exactly why he wanted to talk to her and she wanted him to squirm a bit.

"What's the matter Jake? You aren't doing very much talking." She was inches away from his face. He didn't mind her playing but he wasn't going to be able to control himself if she got any closer.

"Leah. I want to be with you." He was trying to pull himself away just a bit but his body did not seem to understand that part, he stayed put. She was watching him struggle for control. The smile on her face stayed in place and he was going to do whatever he had to do just to keep it there.

"I _know_ you want to be with me. Are you asking to be with me, or are you just assuming I'm going to want to be with you too?" Her smile should have given him a clue that she wasn't serious but the words still cut at him like a sharp knife to the gut. Leah noticed.

"Relax Jake. You already know what I want. And if you don't then you are a much bigger idiot than I thought" She stood on her tip toes so she could kiss the corner of his mouth, that small kiss sent fire right through his body and he wanted her to do it again, he wasn't going to push her though, even if he really, really wanted to.

It was taking every ounce of strength he had to control himself. He was sweating from the effort it took to keep from touching every part of her body. Jacob closed his eyes and breathed her in. He was aware of her every movement, her every breath. The heat from her body felt like flames against his own. He could feel her hot breath against his neck and when he opened his eyes she was pressing her lips against his. He wondered why he waited so long for this, for her. He handed over all control to her the moment their lips met. She was leading him and he didn't care. As long as he had her, he wouldn't care about anything else ever again. Kissing her was simple, effortless if he had his way he would never stop but they had lives to get back to and they also needed to breathe. Leah pulled away and her hands slid from his neck, down his shoulders and settled on his chest, her touch spread heat through his entire body. She took in a shaky breath and he smiled, he liked knowing he had the same effect on her as she did him.

"I better be getting back to the house now. I am glad we had the chance to _talk _Jake." Leah gave him a peck on the cheek before she turned to walk back to the house. He wanted to grab her and keep her where she fit perfectly wrapped in his arms but her retreating form had him distracted. Those short shorts were going to have to be hidden away, no man should see that much of her but him. He watched her until someone cleared their throat.

"Wow, those are some nice…shorts." Embry said from behind him. He waited until Leah was completely out of sight before turning to glare at his friend. This is why those shorts needed to be hidden, he loved her in them but he didn't want to have to kill his friends for looking at his…Leah.

"Yea, yea. What do you want Embry?" Jacob was annoyed but he knew that Embry couldn't help it. Leah was incredibly hot and he knew that everyone else knew it. He couldn't be mad at them for seeing what was right in front of them, especially if what was in front of them was in a tight top and barely there shorts.

"I needed to ask you something but I need you to not think about it the next time you phase." Embry had been acting strange lately but no one really knew what was going on with him. He was still living at Emily's and they rarely spent time apart. Jacob thought it was good, Emily needed someone there for her and he couldn't think of anyone better than Embry.

"I need to know everything you know about imprinting." Embry looked panicked and Jacob wasn't sure what his deal was. Sam,Quil and Jared were the only three to imprint so far and he only knew what they knew. When they imprinted no one or nothing else mattered anymore, no one but the imprint. They would be whatever their imprint needed. Quil was the better example. His imprint was a two year old and it was sort of weird but he only wanted her to be happy, there was nothing else to it. He would be whatever she needed him to be and as long as she was happy so was he. Jared imprinted on Kim, a girl who was already in love with him, he didn't need to wait for her to grow up or fight it so things worked out for them.

Sam imprinted on Emily and that was the only other thing he knew about imprinting, that Sam couldn't fight his imprint, which meant that an imprint probably could not be fought or broken.

Sam tried to fight it because he was with Leah, he was still in love with her but the imprint was too strong to break, or fight and he eventually just gave in. This left Leah alone and confused and without much of explanation, because this was still a big secret to her, she hated him, she hated Emily and it forced her to act out. When she phased it was hell, she knew about imprinting through his thoughts and the whole pack felt both of their pain. Sam still loved Leah. Leah hated Sam for what he did but she still loved him and everyone suffered.

"I only know what you know about imprinting. I do know that if you imprinted you would know and if you know then we should all know." He wasn't sure why but this felt like it was connected somehow. He wasn't exactly in the right state of mind after his "talk" with Leah but he could feel it, there was something Embry wasn't saying but he could almost hear it.

"Why do you need to know about imprinting Embry?" Jacob wondered if it was possible that he did imprint and somehow managed to hide his thoughts, as an alpha he was able to hide his thoughts but the others couldn't or at least that's what they all thought.

"Look man, I don't really know how to explain this but I think I might have imprinted on Emily but I don't understand how this could happen or how it would work. I didn't feel the way Sam felt, or Jared. I just feel…I can't explain it." Embry was shifting nervously in place and Jacob had to try to wrap his mind around this. Emily was Sam's imprint and he didn't know if it was possible for two pack members to imprint on the same person. He needed to figure this out. If Embry did imprint on Emily then he would need to help him explain it to her, if she didn't already know. He thought it would explain why they never spent much time apart. Embry was there for her, to be whatever she needed and Emily had been sort of different after coming back from her mom's.

"When did you start feeling, whatever it is you're feeling for Emily?" He already knew it was when she returned but Jacob needed him to be sure. He hoped this wouldn't be messy, Emily had already been through enough and if she rejected him what would happen to Embry?

"When she came back from visiting her mom. It was like I had this pull to her but I didn't really understand, I just wanted to comfort her and then it turned into being whatever she needed me to be. I don't know what to do." Embry looked as confused, lost and scared as he sounded and Jacob felt bad, he thought about the strange way he felt about Emily at the beginning of this mess, he avoided her though, until she left and even after she got back. Whatever it was that pulled her to the pack, to Sam, was keeping her tied there.

"It might not be an imprint we could talk to my dad and old Quil about it, maybe they know something." Jacob knew it was an imprint but like Embry he had no idea how or why it happened. They probably weren't going to get any answers either, this pack was full of surprises and that wasn't always a good thing.

There were too many things that they didn't understand when it came to their wolves. They were like guinea pigs in this weird experiment that was their pack. Imprinting was supposed to be rare but four members had imprinted and two apparently on the same person. Leah phased and that wasn't supposed to happen although Jacob was glad it did. There would be a lot of questions he wouldn't be able to answer and this was going to be another rough patch with the pack, he wanted it to go smoothly but he could really only expect the worst and hope for the best.

***Jacob and Leah together at last! **

**Embry and Emily? I think the Em and Em is kind of cute. thoughts?  
**

**Thank you for reading :)**


	8. Chapter 8

_The Burden_

_Bella._

When Leah walked back into the house with a smile that she was sure could rival Jacob's, Bella knew it finally happened. She watched her friend practically leap out of her skin with joy. It was hard for Bella to keep her own excitement under control. It should be weird shouldn't it? Watching her friend giddy over her ex best friend, the guy who was once in love with her, a guy she couldn't love back the way he wanted her to? It wasn't though. Jacob was happy, he deserved to be happy and Leah deserved to have someone love her the way only Jacob Black could. She didn't need to ask out loud, Leah just nodded her head and bit her lip. It was the most girl-like behavior she'd ever seen her friend display. It made Bella smile, this was probably what she looked like before Sam and Emily, before she phased and before her father died, this was Leah before everything in her world was flipped upside down.

It wasn't until Bella left Leah that she started to worry. She hoped that this relationship wouldn't take away the only friend she had. Although the pack and Emily had welcomed her back she didn't want to get her hopes up in calling them 'friends'. If it weren't for Leah they wouldn't have given her the time of day, not that she would blame them. They were still unnecessarily kind to her, well not all of them. Although Jacob had started to at least acknowledge her and nod or grunt a 'hello' and he could be in a room with her. There was still Paul. It was clear to her that he would always hate her and she could accept that. Or she could try. She did not expect anyone to welcome her with open arms so when they did it was a little difficult for her to hold onto that hope that they could start to forgive her, she didn't deserve it.

Paul was a healthy reminder of what her past mistakes and her poor decisions, did to those around her, those who didn't deserve it, she needed to be reminded and he did that. He still terrified her but she wasn't sure why anymore. He would still glare at her, she was still the 'leech lover' to him and he always made a point to completely avoid her as much as she could. He was only outright rude to her when someone else was around, it was that or he would just pretend she didn't exist. Leah had called her an idiot for putting up with his 'bullshit', she would have stood up for herself if it weren't for the tremendous guilt she carried around, she did horrible things and this was what she deserved.

Bella found herself knocking on the front door of Emily's and it was like a wicked taste of déjà vu, but she wasn't really sure why she was there this time. Her insides were twisting themselves into knots and her heart was pounding. It wasn't the same. Until he threw the door open, his face looked just as angry as it always did. His body was tense and she knew that she was the cause of his tension, she always was. She wondered what he was like when she wasn't around. What he looked like when his face wasn't hardened with hatred. What his voice sounded like when it wasn't cold and bitter.

Paul stood there with his hands gripping each side of the door frame, he didn't say anything he just stared at her. Bella wanted to peak around him to see who was there, but his eyes kept her locked in place. She couldn't seem to move. The panic was starting to rise, her heart was beating too wildly and she had to break this hold he suddenly had on her.

"I needed to talk to Emily about something is…is she here?" She didn't need to talk to Emily about anything and Bella wondered why her voice sounded so weak when he was around.

Paul stood there watching her silent and motionless. Bella had to get out of there, she didn't even know why she needed to talk to Emily or if that was why she was there at all. She didn't want to face whatever it was that she had buried under all of her denial, not right now.

"She went to stay with her mom for a bit. She wont be back for a couple weeks." He finally broke the silence. His voice sounded strained and she tried not to notice the way his features changed, and his stance had softened slightly. When she could finally move again she nodded her head and turned to walk away, without another word she jumped into her car and drove back to Forks, not thinking about the way she was so powerless when it came to men or supernatural beings or whatever. She wished she could be like Leah, strong and confident, she wasn't sure Leah had an ounce of insecurity, she probably didn't. She was not Leah, she was_ just _Bella.

She pulled up to her house and shut off the engine. The big red truck that she once loved was finally dead, it sat in the yard rusting from the rain. She wanted to let it go but like many other things she couldn't, not just yet. She stepped out of her new-used car, one that her mother and Phil bought for her because she hadn't been able to afford one on her own. It was simple, practical and dark blue, she didn't know much about it. It got her where she needed to go and was pretty good on gas, that was all she really cared about. It was one of the few things Rene had done to help her since her dad died.

Bella didn't want to believe that her mom was that cold and uncaring. Of course she cared but it was always about the wrong things. If it weren't for Phil who knows where Rene would be. Bella shuddered at the thought. It wasn't as if this behavior was new, Bella knew her mother and she was not the free spirit she claimed to be. No she was like a puppy being led around by her master. It occurred to Bella at some point that she was headed down the same path her mother set out on, it had to stop. There was no way she would allow herself to end up like Rene. With Edward and his family she allowed herself to be adjusted and tampered with, changed in ways that only time could undo. Now Bella realized just how unhealthy all of her relationships were, the way she clung to anyone she thought could make her feel good about herself.

Edward was her addiction and Jacob was her substitute when she couldn't have him. It made her sick inside, everything she was, everything she wanted to be. It made her head hurt and her chest ache, they were not the same pain. She wouldn't ever be _that_ girl again, someone who sucked the life out of everyone else, she was a 'leech' and she would never be that again.

Bella was cleaning up her dishes from dinner when there was a knock at the door. No one came to see her, except for the Clearwater's or Billy but they knew to let themselves in. She got up and opened the door and was met with a very lost looking Embry Call.

"Is everything okay Embry?" She didn't want to tell him he looked terrible because that was rude and even if it was true he probably didn't want to hear it. He shook his head and she stepped aside for him to come in. They sat there in silence and it was starting to worry Bella. She only knew Embry through Jacob and then through Leah but there were only a few times she had seen him without a smile on his face.

"Should I call Leah or Billy and maybe Jacob can come pick you up?" She wasn't really sure why he was there at her house and he didn't look like he knew either, he just shook his head. He looked like he wanted to say something but his mouth stayed shut and it reminded her of something. Of Jacob. Of Jacob when he first phased and he couldn't tell her what he wanted to. Why would he come to her though?

"Embry...did-did Jacob order you not to speak?" He looked at her and gave her a hard nod. It wasn't something she understood, it made her angry when Sam did it to Jacob and even angrier knowing Jacob would do this to his own friend. She had to do something but she wasn't sure what, she wanted to call Leah but what if that started problems between her and Jacob? She didn't want to do that to them. She dialed Emily's and hoped that Quil or Jared would answer, no such luck. Paul answered and for just a moment she got to hear him, his real voice, he sounded like he had been laughing and it made her want to hang up she was obviously interrupting something, but this was important.

"Hi. Its Bella um. Embry is here and, and I am not really sure why or what's going on with him but he wont, cant-he can't talk." She was barely able to speak above a whisper. Paul managed to terrify her even over the phone, without saying anything.

"Embry is at _your_ house?" He had the angry tone again. It wasn't her fault she didn't understand why he was always angry even when she didn't do anything wrong, even when she tried to help he was always angry with her. She nodded her head looking at Embry before speaking again.

"Yes and he doesn't look good. He looks…out of it." Her voice was still quiet and she could hear him breathing hard before she heard what sounded like a thump and then another voice answered.

"Hello?" It was Quil. Why didn't he answer the phone three minutes ago? Now she would have to explain all over again.

"I'm not sure what's going on but Embry is here and he doesn't look too good Quil. He just showed up and he cant talk and I have no idea what to do." Quil started muttering something about "idiots and secrets" and then he let out a sigh.

"I'm not really sure what's going on either. Just make sure he doesn't leave and um Bella if Paul shows up try not to let him hurt Embry." Quil was serious. He was seriously asking her, a human girl to keep Paul the guy who hated her, the guy who turned into a giant wolf, from hurting Embry?

"Wh-what do you mean _if _Paul shows up and why would he try to hurt Embry?" her voice became high pitched and a bit squeaky. Panic. This was not good.

"Its…ugh. I am going to get Jacob just try to keep Paul away from Embry." He hung up and she stood there staring at nothing, listening to the dial tone. When she turned back to Embry she wondered why he came to her. It didn't make any sense, she knew that he couldn't talk and she had enough sense to figure out why, the alpha order. She might not know Jacob as an alpha but she knew that he must have had a reason to do something like this to his friend.

There were a lot of things that Bella envied about werewolves but the loss of choice and control was not something she would want. Phasing changed their entire life and took away their emotional and physical control. The pack-mind took from them their privacy and imprinting took away their options, even if it seemed perfect. Nothing was perfect.

A bang on the back door snapped her out of a daze she didn't realize she was in. She couldn't move. She _should_ have called Leah, she might have been upset but maybe she would have been able to explain this without all the drama. Now she was sure Paul was at her back door and Quil was going to get Jacob and this could definitely get ugly. She looked at Embry who still didn't look like he had a clue what was going on, even if he did he wouldn't be able to tell her.

"Open the fucking door Bella." Paul was growling from outside. It was probably not the most appropriate time for her to notice this but it was the first time she had heard him use her name, he was probably going to rip the door off the hinges and she couldn't really afford to replace it at the moment.

"Hold on." she tried to make herself sound calm, it was useless, she was anything but calm at the moment. She opened the door only slightly and Paul was standing there his nostrils flaring and his eyes were filled with rage, she slipped out and closed the door behind her. The heat was coming off him in waves, it hit her and she didn't know what to say or do, he was clearly angry and she was an idiot for standing so close to him. He could and probably would rip her to shreds, it was the perfect opportunity. But he didn't he just paced the yard growling. Words that made no sense to her were pouring out of his mouth. She waited, hoping that maybe he would calm down, he didn't.

Bella wasn't sure if he felt betrayed by Embry because he went to _her_ or just angry at her for getting involved, it wasn't that she wanted him to like her but she thought it would be nice if he didn't hate her so much then the guilt crept up and pushed everything else down.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get involved I just didn't want something to happen to him and-" she did not want to be the cause of any more stress, if she had to leave them alone forever after this she would. Paul stared at her, that same angry stare, it made her hate herself even more.

"I'm sorry." She walked back inside without looking at him and closed the door. Whenever she thought she was moving forward something always pulled her back. It wasn't going to stop and it probably didn't matter where she was or where she would end up she would forever be stuck here. A burden on someone's shoulders, and she deserved it.

***PAUL DID NOT, I REPEAT, DID NOT IMPRINT ON BELLA.(and if you're like "well then why the hell is he there!" it's because he's Paul and that guy is all sorts of drama and maybe there are other reasons too but those don't include a magical pull)  
**

**Bella is an eager-to-please-mess here. This chapter killed me and I am not all that pleased with it but I can't just not confront the issue I started in the last chapter, I guess this story is going to be a lot longer than I wanted but **

**I hope you are still enjoying it.  
**

**Thank you for reading :)_  
_**


	9. Chapter 9

_Out of Control_

_Jacob. _

Of all the ways he could have handled this situation, this way was the worst. He didn't give Embry much of a choice but to tell her about the imprint and when he did she didn't take it very well. Emily was upset, she already knew what imprinting was, she already knew the pain of losing an imprint, the pain of losing Sam, and she did not want to go through it again. She left with no promises of returning and Embry went along with it because he would do whatever made her happy and if that meant not being there with him, he would let her go.

Jacob watched as his friend fought with himself, fought with his wolf. Every part of him wanted to run after her but he wouldn't. It was not going to be easy but Jacob needed to made some decisions fast. Embry was not violent, he was usually calm and almost always happy, but the pain that was about to hit him had to be dealt with. Jacob ordered him not to go near the pack, he didn't want him to be instigated or to start something he would regret later. He ordered him not to phase, this would be only until he could be sure he wasn't going to hurt himself or anyone else. And he ordered him not to speak to anyone about his imprint, since this was the only thing going through his mind it left him silent. He knew Embry was pissed about it but he had to do it to keep him and Emily safe.

After he sent him home and talked with Quil Sr. about what could be done to help break an imprint, he still didn't have an answer. It didn't work with Sam and Jacob was starting to think it wouldn't work with Embry, he was beginning to think that maybe it was just not possible to break an imprint. He worried that they would be dealing with something much worse if Emily didn't come back. A loud bang on the door pulled him out of his thoughts. Before he could get up Jared barged through with Quil behind him they were both mad and he knew it had everything to do with Embry. Jacob sighed and rubbed his temples, this definitely could have been handled differently.

"Why is Embry at Bella Swan's house and why the fuck can't he talk?" Jared was normally laid back but as Jacob should have known, he and the others were going to be choked. This was their pack brother, this was their pack. He went around them and whatever trust he managed to build with them in the last few months was now going to be damaged. Embry went to Bella though? That surprised Jacob. This could be dangerous and even if he wasn't best friends with the girl anymore, he wouldn't let anything happen to her.

"He's at Bella's?" Jacob couldn't seem to comprehend that part, it just didn't make sense. He ran all the way to her house in Forks, on foot and he couldn't understand why. Quil was nodding his head, he looked upset but not mad, or at least not as mad as Jared.

"Yea and now we should get over there to clean up this mess before Paul makes it worse." Quil and Jared didn't wait for him, they turned around and were out the door before he could process the other piece of information they had given him. Jacob's eyes bugged out of his head. Why was Paul involving himself in something to do with Bella?He was usually good at pretending not to care when issues like these came up.

The three of them ran into the trees to phase, Jacob showed them everything that happened with Emily and he showed them the reasons he gave the orders. For the first time in a long time, he didn't hear either of them, their minds were silent. Their brother, their friend was losing himself slowly. Jacob was an alpha, he should know what to do but he didn't. There was no way to know for sure this would just blow over and everything would be alright. When they got to Bella's they found Paul sitting in the back yard. He jumped up and was in Jacobs face before they could reach the house.

"What the fuck were you thinking Black!" Paul turned back around and started pacing and trying to control his anger. Jacob looked to the others, he didn't know what was going on with Paul but it was obvious to him that this was about more than just Embry.

"I did what I had to. I had to keep him and everyone else safe" Paul stopped, glaring at Jacob while trying to keep himself from shaking.

"What about her" Paul was pointing to the house. Now if he knew any better he would have thought Paul was concerned about Bella but he wasn't, couldn't be. This was Paul and she was Bella. Not only did Paul not care about her, he hated her.

"She's safe isn't she? Besides Embry can't phase and he wouldn't hurt anyone. Not even Bella." It wasn't that he didn't worry about her, he just didn't think Embry would hurt her. Then again he did think Embry wasn't safe enough to be around his own pack or phase and she was only a human, he still possessed the strength to easily break her if he wanted to but Jacob was sure that his friend wouldn't, or he thought he was sure. Paul was back in his face looking angrier than before.

"Fuck you Black!" He forced each word out, shoving Jacob hard. Quil and Jared didn't seem as confused as he was about the situation. He thought that maybe they were better at hiding what was in their minds than he thought and they still didn't trust him.

"Listen Paul I wouldn't put her or anyone in danger, I should have told you all what was going on, I should have been keeping an eye on him. I didn't mean for him to show up here." He didn't. He didn't think that Embry would take off. He didn't think that he would run to Forks, run to Bella.

Jacob wanted to know why it seemed like Paul actually cared what happened to Bella the only thing he could think of was…

"Did you imprint on Bella!" At this point Jacob couldn't rule out any possibilities, apparently it was possible to keep secrets even with six other people in your head. Paul narrowed his eyes at him.

"Fuck no." Paul stepped back and let out a frustrated grunt. If it wasn't imprinting then what the hell was it?

"You fucking started this shit Black. You brought her around. You brought your thoughts of her with you when you phased. When I ran with you the _only thing_ I could think of for fucking days after was _her_! It's not just me either! That's probably why Embry ran to her too. You, little alpha, fucked us all over when you brought your infatuation with her to us! Did you forget about the pack mind? Forget that your alpha thoughts flooded our minds constantly? I cant even tell what the fuck my feelings are for _that_ girl anymore because of you!" Paul turned around and ran, phasing before he even made it to the trees, leaving Jacob confused.

"What the fuck was that?" His thoughts of Bella messed them up. How did that work? Quil looked at Jacob and shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know man but why don't we get Embry back to the Rez before we get into this discussion. I don't feel like standing out here all night when there are other things to take care of." Quil walked into the house with Jared behind him. The pack had a lot of things to talk about. Jacob walked in the back door of the Swan house. It was his first time there in months and it made his stomach clench a bit when he could no longer smell Charlie. It looked different, like Bella moved things around. His chair was gone and only a few of his things were lying around. She was sitting in the corner with a book in her hands and Embry was sitting on the floor by her feet, he looked terrible but he was calm.

Paul's words were echoing in his mind, making his head throb. He felt guilty about messing with their minds, its not like he meant to but he was so tangled up when it came to her, he loved her but he wasn't always in love with her. His thoughts of her were obsessive, he was protective of her at one time, the way Paul seemed to be now. Embry sought out her comfort had he done that too? He wondered if it was all of them. If parts of them had grown attached to her through him. Bella cleared her throat.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start trouble. He came to the door and he looked upset, I couldn't turn him away and when he didn't say anything at all, I had to make sure things were going to be okay. I'm sorry." Her head was down and Jacob felt like shit. It wasn't her fault and she was apologizing. Embry grabbed her hand and was nodding his head at her, trying to say something, maybe to tell it her it wasn't her fault.

"You didn't start trouble Bella. Maybe Paul overreacted but..." Jacob didn't want to think about what this meant for her now that Paul was her own personal guard dog. Imprinting would have been something he could understand but _this_, this was something that was harder to grasp. He looked from her to Quil and Jared before continuing "...but he isn't mad at you, none of us are mad at you." He sighed. This was frustrating, he needed Embry to explain why he ran to Bella's and he was going to have to deal with everyone else being mad, that probably included Leah, they were finally moving forward and the last thing he wanted was something to disrupt the perfect flow they had going.

"We have to get back, the others are expecting us and I have a lot of explaining to do. Its not your fault though Bella." When he looked at her he felt sick, she was not the same Bella he had loved. This Bella wasn't the fragile girl he wanted to protect, she could take care of herself and she was doing just that but she still carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. Everything she loved was pulled out from beneath her, she nodded her head, she looked sad but it wasn't painful for him to look at because she was different, stronger, not the same Bella he loved, this Bella didn't need him.

"Thank you." Embry finally spoke up. He sounded sick, tired, pained. Bella gave him a tiny smile and nodded her head again, letting tears fall. The four men left the house and were headed back to the Rez. Jacob thought about Leah. The way she fit so perfectly into Bella's life, the way she protected her when he didn't. He didn't understand it to begin with and now things were starting to make sense. Before Sam died, before the Cullens left, he respected Leah enough to leave all his Bella fantasies out of his head, but he still thought of her. With Paul he used his fantasies to drown out the noise of Paul's mind and he constantly defended her, threw mental pictures of her when she was weak, frail and vulnerable to make Paul feel bad, to shut him up. Jacob was completely consumed with thoughts of her until one day he wasn't.

He no longer worried about her because she didn't need him to. He didn't seek comfort from her anymore because he no longer needed it. He didn't love her anymore, wasn't in love with her because there was nothing left for him to love. Those pieces of him disappeared but she didn't and the memories that Leah, Paul, Embry and possibly everyone else had now, didn't either.

***Finally!(There is/was some sort of error making it impossible to update anything but thanks to some googling and some smarty pants in FFhelp desk forum, I can update hooray!)  
**

**thanks for reading :)**


	10. Chapter 10

_Moving on._

_Bella_

When Leah came over with Jacob, Bella knew something was wrong. It had been a week since Embry showed up on her doorstep and she hadn't seen much of the pack since. The two of them were perfectly fine but there was something _off_ about them and she knew it had something to with Embry. They wouldn't tell her about him, just that he was 'holding up', whatever that meant. It was starting to frustrate her. They didn't even explain why he was sick, she thought werewolves didn't get sick, none of it made sense to her and no one wanted to explain it to her, not that she felt they owed her that much, but she really was concerned about him.

"What's going on?" They looked at each other and Jacob nodded before Leah finally said something.

"Embry isn't doing so well. The reason he's been..._sick_ is because he imprinted on Emily. That's why she left and he looks a lot worse than the last time you seen him. We don't know how to help him Bella and if she doesn't come back we think he's just going to keep getting worse, he's not eating and not sleeping properly. Emily isn't doing so well either, she, she wont talk to anyone." Her voice cracked and she was crying. Bella had never seen Leah cry, it was hard to watch a woman she knew was so strong, break down. Jacob pulled her into his arms to calm her down, Bella tried not to stare, this was much worse than she thought.

"Do you think you could talk to Emily?" He asked her so quietly she wasn't sure he said anything at all until Leah looked up from his chest and shook her head at him. Why didn't she want her to help? If Bella could help of course she would.

"We cant just force her to come back. We cant guilt her into accepting it if she doesn't want to. She's been through enough already." Leah wasn't looking at either of them. Bella thought about what Emily had been through. Losing Sam, her _everything_ that was much more than anyone should have to go through. And now this.

She remembered that Emily tried to fight the imprint, with Sam. She wondered what caused her to give in and accept it.  
Was the pull_ that_ strong and if it was, did that mean it was just as strong for her with Embry?

She thought that maybe Emily wanted to suffer, because she felt bad about something she couldn't control. Bella didn't want to think about that, but maybe it was the truth. It wasn't fair to Embry though, they didn't have to make Emily feel guilty or force her to come back but they should at least make sure she was okay and that she was sure this is what she wanted to do, that this choice was one she was sure of.

"Maybe I can go and check up on her. If its that bad for him its probably just as bad…" She didn't need to finish that thought.

The Makah Reservation, where Emily was staying with her mother, wasn't too far of a drive and Bella was sure she would be okay to make it there on her own. But the thought of showing up uninvited didn't sit well with her. Leah didn't say anything, she just nodded her head.

"When will you be ready to go?" Jacob asked her. Bella looked at the clock, it was close to dinner time, if she left now, she wouldn't be back until later tonight and she wasn't sure she wanted to drive alone at night but the sooner she talked to Emily the better.

"I could leave now." Leah's eyebrows shot up, before she could say anything Jacob nodded his head and spoke.

"Paul's outside, he can go with you." Bella looked at Jacob like he was insane. Did he really expect her to drive a couple hours with a man who hated her guts? She was terrified of Paul and even more so after the day he was furiously pacing her back yard. Leah was shaking her head at him again but she wasn't saying anything, Bella wondered _why she wasn't_ saying anything.

"I don't think that's a good idea Jacob. I mean, I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable." No that wasn't true, she couldn't make him uncomfortable if she tried, it was her that didn't want to be uncomfortable.

"It'll be fine. Paul can sleep in the back seat on the way there. Besides, _nothing _can make him uncomfortable." He and Leah smiled at her and she was starting to think they were both insane, or maybe she was. It didn't matter anymore. She wasn't going to argue, _this_ wasn't about her, she got her things ready to go. They were waiting outside, she looked for Paul but didn't say anything when she didn't see him. She assumed that he got mad and phased when he was told he would have to accompany her. That was okay with her, at least she wouldn't have to deal with his glares and cruel comments, but even that would have been better than silence and having to deal with her own thoughts, maybe she wasn't okay with going alone.

"Paul's already in the car…in case you were wondering." Bella tried to narrow her eyes at her ex best friend. When did he decide that it was okay to tease her again…and about Paul? Leah was staring at the car when she spoke.

"If he does anything at all to piss you off just kick him out, he'll find his way back and if he can't there's a number on his collar." She could hear him growling from her car at Leah. Did she forget that she didn't have that kind of strength? Paul would definitely not go anywhere if she kicked him. Before she could say anything back to Leah, they were running, to the trees. Bella took a calming breath before she got into the car, Paul was sitting in the passenger side, his seat was pulled all the way back and reclined, his eyes closed.

"You know you_ don't have _to come with me right? I could drop you off anywhere you'd like" She said as she started the car. She waited for him to say something but he didn't. She drove in silence until they were out of Forks then she turned on the radio and pretended he wasn't there. It was hard to focus on the road when a very shirtless man who was literally hot enough to steam up her windows, was sitting next to her. She decided to just keep the window open. It was a two hour drive at most and Paul was quiet for the first half hour. When he finally sat up, he switched the station, she kept her eyes on the road and switched it back.

"Why are you listening to this garbage anyway?" It wasn't garbage it was classical and she listened to it because it was calming.

"My car. My music." She didn't realize she said it out loud until he snorted, or at least it sounded like a snort. She was afraid to look at him. He just switched the station again and opened his window. When she finally looked at him the corners of his mouth were turned up slightly.

"Paul. I know you hate me but I would really appreciate it if you weren't rude to me in my own car." She looked at him with the bravest face she had in her and he laughed. Why was he laughing? Bella pulled over and waited until he was done. She once wondered what he sounded like when he wasn't bitter or angry and right now while he was laughing at her, she decided she didn't like it, she didn't care if she ever heard it again.

"What the hell are you laughing at?" He pressed his lips together in what she thought was an attempt to stop, she glared at him and it only seemed to make him laugh harder. His laugh shook the whole car and she was getting irritated. That was a first, she hadn't been irritated by anyone in a long time. He finally calmed down enough to speak.

"Relax Swan. Why are you always so serious?" She wasn't always serious. Not usually. It was difficult for her to relax, especially around him, and she didn't want to think about why that was. Why did it matter to him anyway? She groaned and turned the radio back on, country music, it wasn't classical and it wasn't whatever the hell he wanted to listen to. He was quiet again until they got there. She didn't know anyone and she wasn't sure where she was going.

"Do you know where we're going?" She was looking at the numbers on the houses as well as trying to keep her eyes on the road. She seen Paul shaking his head from the corner of her eye.

"Nope. Never been here before." He had his eyes closed and she was sure he was doing this to irritate her again. She slowed down just enough to get a better look at the number on the third house they passed. She was probably going to be driving in circles if she didn't stop to get directions from someone. She was about to pull over and ask when Paul finally sat up and pointed to the road closest to the water.

"Its five minutes that way in a blue house, the only one with a fence." She wanted to ask him how he knew that if he'd never been here before. But he spoke up before she could.

"Pack mind. Leah stood outside that house too many times to count, she wanted to walk in there and kill Emily you know?" No Bella did not know that. Although she could understand why Leah felt that way at the time, she had no idea that her ex boyfriend was a werewolf and that he couldn't control the pull he felt when he saw Emily. Bella parked in front of the house and stared at it. She was so afraid of Emily and that was almost funny, but then again it wasn't, nothing about this was funny. Provoking werewolves and vampires was something she did without hesitation but knocking on someone's door, to talk to a woman who was human like herself, was somehow terrifying. There were a lot of issues she still needed to sort through and _that_ was definitely going on the list.

Paul opened his door and started walking toward the house, not waiting for her. She jumped out and nearly tripped over her feet trying to catch up to him. It wasn't that she needed a body guard, she just didn't want to go in there alone, yes she was a coward but this wasn't anything new. He looked down at her hand, which was now gripping his arm, and smirked at her, she didn't even care. He knocked, probably too loudly and too hard on the door. A woman who definitely looked like she could be Emily's mother answered. She looked exhausted, drained, and a little on edge, similar to the way Jacob and Leah looked before she left, although she thought they were much better at hiding it.

"We're here to see Emily." Paul didn't waste time with introductions, Bella thought it was rude but he knew why they were there and apparently so did Emily's mother. She let them in and led them to where Emily was. Bella couldn't even see her in the dark room. But she could hear her crying.

"There are some people here to see you sweetheart." Her mother turned on a very, dim lamp and kissed her daughter on the head before leaving them alone. Paul stood as close to the door as possible. Bella took a few small steps toward the bed where Emily was. When she got close enough she kneeled down.

"Emily?" She opened her eyes and that small movement looked as if it were painful. Bella didn't wait for her to nod or blink or anything. She had to make sure she was alright. Emily was not alright. She wanted to make sure she was doing the right thing. Everything looked so completely wrong, so wrong to her. Emily wasn't the same after Sam but she had gotten better, she was at least living. This was not alright at all.

"I don't know what you're going through and I probably wont ever be able to understand the amount of pain you've suffered but you _need_ to be okay Emily, they need you, all of them. They, they can't lose you too. Please, there might be a way to break the imprint somehow but you have to come back. Please." Bella had no right to cry, but the tears were coming down anyway. She had no right to make her feel guilty for everyone else, that was not her place and she had no right to beg this woman who lost so much, because of _her_, for anything but she had to try.

"I'm sorry Emily, I wish I could go back and fix everything for you. To give _him_ back to you. I wish I could take away all the pain that I've caused you and everyone else. I would if I could." But she couldn't. This would never go away, someone was always going to suffer. Emily shifted in the bed until she was sitting, or leaning against the headboard. She looked so much worse than she had just a moment ago, every movement looked stiff and painful. She didn't say anything and Bella wondered if they should just leave her but she stayed put in her place kneeling down beside the bed.

"I cant…I cant go back." These words alone made Bella's heart stop. Why was she doing this? Why couldn't she see that this wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. If imprinting happened for a reason then she wanted to know what reason there was for _this_. It wasn't fair for any one of them. She couldn't be mad at Emily. No one could. she was in pain, suffering the same as Embry, both unsure of what would happen if she won this fight.

"Okay." The words weren't hers, they came from Paul. He was just going to give up then? "Lets go Bella." She couldn't believe this but she had to, Emily made her choice and she wasn't sure what this meant but Bella gave her wave goodbye and they left. This was her choice and she did not want to imagine herself in the position to make that same choice, it wasn't easy for Emily and that's all she needed to know.

Paul took her keys, she didn't care, she just wanted to get back home and go to bed, sleep until she _had_ to deal with everything again.

"You cant take it back. Any of it. You have to stop wishing you could. It doesn't change a thing. It happened. We're all moving on." He watched her, she didn't want to look at him. It wasn't that simple. It couldn't be. How could they all move on after this?

Paul started the car and Bella fell asleep thinking about ways to help Embry, there wasn't much she could do for him and that bothered her. She though about the ways she could try to get Emily to come back. When she woke up she was home, she was on her couch curled up underneath a blanket. She was confused but the man that was sprawled out on the bigger couch, snoring, woke her up, she remembered where she was and everything that happened.

The world wasn't hers to save, things happened and she needed to just let it go, move on. It was still dark out and she was still tired, she pulled her legs up, wrapped the blanket around herself and went back to sleep.

***For those who are wondering "what the hell is going on with Paul & Bella?" I guess at this point it is developing, he's a confused man and she is just starting to recognize the fact that he is more attractive than he is scary, these things take time.  
For those of you who need more Jacob & Leah I promise there is plenty more of them to come. This awful imprinting ordeal is killing me and I want to kill it with fire. No more death's are taking place here though. Things will come back together. Just painfully slow is how this story seems to be working out(sorry about that)  
**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing :)**


	11. Chapter 11

_Naturally._

_Jacob_

Emily was not coming back. That was what made Embry run, that was what drove him as far into the forest as he could go to be alone. He didn't want to live, he didn't want to die, he just didn't want to feel it anymore. He didn't want his whole world to revolve around a woman who could never feel the way he did for her or the way he was supposed to feel for her. It wasn't fair to either of them. There was nothing more terrifying to Jacob than the though of imprinting, not when he had Leah and he planned on holding onto her for as long as he possibly could, as long as she would have him.

Embry kept moving because he could no longer sit still, he pushed and pushed until he felt the snap, it was like an elastic band that he just couldn't break until finally…he did. It wasn't simple. It was the most difficult thing he would probably ever have to do, but he did it. The invisible force that had him bound to Emily was broken and he could finally breathe, without being in pain. He could rest without the headaches that weighed his entire body down. He could finally sit down and eat and when he did, he didn't want to stop. Nothing was ever going to be normal with them so there was no 'getting back to normal', they accepted that this was an incredibly difficult and painful process to go through to un-imprint or whatever it was, but it could be done and Embry was proof and life went on.

Jacob sat on the stairs outside of Emily's house waiting for Leah. Since Emily wasn't coming back she needed to discuss a few things with a member of the pack, one who would not be as likely to imprint on her. Leah agreed, she was a bit on-edge about everything that had happened, he knew everything about this situation bothered her. She didn't want to be mad at Emily, but part of her was. The devotion that Emily had to Sam bothered her, she wasn't mad about their past but about her future. How Emily was torturing herself by holding onto a man that could never come back. Jacob was so lost in his thoughts of Leah that he almost didn't notice Bella's car pull up with Paul behind the wheel. And that was another thing he had been wondering about. Paul got out and he looked between the car and him.

"Why the hell do you have Bella's car?" He was trying not to pry, it wasn't really his business and there was probably a lot he didn't want to know but this wasn't something he could ignore like he had been doing lately with Paul.

"Not that its any of your business alpha but she's with Leah and she didn't need it, so she let me use it." Paul stood there a moment before flopping down beside him. It wasn't like Bella was changing him, that would be ridiculous, but there was something different about Paul. He was still a hot head, still found ways to irritate the hell out of everyone around him but he did seem to be a little happier, or maybe not happy, just more satisfied with himself. Jacob had been trying to avoid this topic all together but there was a tiny part of him that wanted to know.

"What's with you two anyway?" he tried to keep his tone as casual as possible but maybe he wanted to know a little more than he was willing to admit because his tone came out sounding more demanding. He couldn't imagine Bella being anything with Paul, it was too weird. Then again so was imagining her being friends with Leah and well, he knew how that turned out. So Paul was spending time with Bella, they weren't affectionate toward eachother or anything, most times they argued. Yes she had argued with Paul, it was obvious that whatever she was afraid of when it came to the beast sitting next to him, had disappeared at some point. Paul shrugged his shoulders.

"Nothing. Why the fuck does everyone keep asking that?" Jacob shook his head, and pressed his lips together tightly. Really, nothing? Maybe Bella was too stubborn or stupid to realize that Paul had suddenly taken an interest in her life. Jacob hated to admit that the two of them would be an interesting couple, but it was true. They had all been watching it unfold, Paul brought out a side of Bella that no one else had been able to, not even Leah.

"I just want to see what all the fuss was about I guess" Paul said this like it was nothing. At one point Bella was all Jacob could think about and although he loved her, he realized now that he wasn't in love with her. Infatuated with her maybe but he wasn't in love with her. What was the fuss about with her anyway? He couldn't remember.

"Yea so did you figure that out then…?" Paul stood up and gave him his self-satisfied smirk and patted him on the back, this only irritated Jacob.

"Nope. But I promise you Black when I _know_, you'll know." He walked into the house, and before Jacob could respond Leah pulled up. He could tell she was upset but he would wait until they were alone before trying to figure it out. Bella got out of the other car and waved at him before she noticed her car. He gave her a nod and said hello.

"Um why the hell is my car here?" It seemed like a stupid question considering Paul said she let him use it, where else did she think he would go?

"Because you said Paul could use it?" He sounded confused because he was. She had one hand on her hip and one up on her face, she let out a sigh and shook her head.

"I said he could use it to go to the store to replace all the food that he's eaten from my house, I'll bet he didn't even do that!" Jacob wondered how often Paul was going to Forks to see her and how he had not realized it. He had seen her be feisty but Paul brought out this aggressive side he had never seen, it was interesting. She stormed into the house mumbling something about Paul being an asshole. He sort of wanted to stick around just to see Paul get chewed out by Bella but Leah was upset and they still had to go through whatever details Emily needed to pass along to the rest of the pack. So they left the Paul and Bella show to discuss what they needed to.

They found a spot not too far from Emily's house, it was far enough not to be heard or hear what was going on inside.

"Emily doesn't want to come back at all, not even to pick up her things. So you're going to go through her and Sam's things. Bella and I are going to drive everything back to her." He really didn't want to go through their things, it just seemed like it was too personal but whatever he could do to help he would.

"She also said that Embry could keep living there if wants to." He watched the way she spoke each word through gritted teeth. He nodded and waited, there was a reason him and Leah worked as well as they did in their relationship and in the pack, he didn't have to push her, there was no need to. They could read each other now and he was patient enough to wait until she was ready to talk about this. Leah took a deep breath and let it out.

"She wanted me to move in there. Into their fucking home. I love her, I'll miss her and I have moved on from the shit that's happened but that was _their _home and I don't want to live in a house that will remind me of that fact every time I wake up." He grabbed her hand and pulled her into his arms. He wished he could make it easier for her, take away that hurt that still crept up on her from her past but he couldn't. It was a part of who she was, it made her stronger and even if there were moments where she was too difficult, even for him, he loved her for it. He nodded in understanding. They were quiet for a few moments before Jacob spoke.

"So has she been okay since Embry broke the imprint…or whatever?" He still wasn't sure what exactly happened when an imprint was no longer an imprint. They had no experience with it until now and he wanted to know if Emily was back to…normal or as close to normal as she could be. Embry had been acting like it didn't even happen, like it was just a tiny bump in the road, like he wasn't in constant pain over the woman whose house he was now living in. It was nice to have him back but Jacob couldn't understand how something so huge could become so insignificant so quickly.

"She seems okay. She wasn't in pain or anything and Bella said she looked a lot worse the last time she seen her. I guess she's okay, or at least she's better than she was. She'll be fine."

Then so would Leah and that's the only thing that mattered to him. Of course he cared what happened to everyone else but at the end of the day it was Leah's happiness and well being he cared about the most. He was still holding her when she finally looked at him and smiled. That had become his anchor to reality, that smile. It was all he wanted to see when everything else was crashing down around him. The hold he had on her tightened.

"Leah do you worry about one of us imprinting?" She stiffened in his arms and he almost wished he didn't ask but he needed to reassure her. There would never be anyone else for him. She was it. If he had to walk around with his eyes closed to stop it from happening, to hold onto her, he probably would. But something in him made him sure that he wouldn't imprint, that he couldn't.

"Sometimes. I think about it. It would probably happen to you before me, I don't know if its possible for me to imprint. There are a lot of things_ I can't do_ remember?" Her voice sounded pained and it had nothing to do with her fear of either of them imprinting. It was the other things she thought she couldn't do. He had been in her head enough to know that she wanted children, not now but eventually and she was so sure that it wasn't possible.

"We didn't think it was possible to break an imprint and it is. We didn't know it was possible for a person to be imprinted on twice and that happened. A lot of things we didn't think or know were possible are, so I think there are a lot of things you can do, but we wont know until we try-" she looked up at him and smiled before giving him a kiss on his chin.

"What exactly are you trying to tell me Black?" Leah raised an eyebrow at him. When he finally realized that there were implications behind his words, his face turned red. They had a very good thing going and there was a reason he left her in control. The only experience he had with women was her, he didn't count the one desperate kiss with Bella, it just wasn't right. So whenever Leah wanted to turn things up a notch he could only hope he was ready.

"I didn't mean it like that. But I will be here to help you try whatever you need to…just so you know." He didn't give her a chance to speak again, his lips were on hers and all he could think about was trying. It was easy for him to forget about the world around them when he could see, hear, smell, feel and taste her so at some point, without him really noticing, they moved from outside Emily's to his house, every part of him was focused on her. Her skin, her lips, her hands on his body. He almost didn't hear his dad clearing his throat, from behind them.

"Jacob." His dad said, he sounded more amused than irritated. Jacob held Leah where she was, which was now wrapped around him. He did not want to face his dad because when he realized they hadn't made it much farther than the front door before they were tearing off each others clothes and he was wearing nothing but a half dressed Leah, he was embarrassed enough. He was also incredibly frustrated, now because his dad had interrupted them.

"Um. Yea dad?" Leah's face was buried in his neck and her body was shaking, she was laughing and he was trying to keep her still because he was still naked with every part of her pressed against him of course his body was going to respond. And his dad was still there expecting to have a conversation or something with him, why was he there again?

"There's a game on" Jacob looked to the TV and then back to the direction of his dad, he didn't want to actually look him in the eye at the moment. He nodded and grabbed whatever he could with her still clinging onto him, they went back to his room. By the time he put her down she was laughing so hard her face was red. It was funny, not just funny, it was hilarious but he didn't laugh. When she finally calmed down enough to look at him she noticed that he wasn't laughing. She wiped the tears from her eyes and took a few breaths before approaching him.

"What's wrong Jake?" Nothing was wrong, in fact, everything was right. Exactly right but just when he had enough balls to take control of things with them, it goes wrong. Leah wasn't perfect, no one was, but she was perfect for him. She had everything he didn't.

He gave her a weak smile and shook his head, it was nothing.

Leah was always confident in every single thing she did, she never hesitated and it gave him a sense of his own confidence. He grabbed her and pulled her onto his bed, the tips of his fingers brushed along her skin, tracing the curves of her body, he loved her, every single part of her. He didn't like to treat Leah like she was indestructible even if she practically was, because he knew her. He knew that beneath her tough exterior she was more than that. She was softer, gentler. Beneath everything else she wasn't 'the only female werewolf', she was the woman that he fell in love with. She pulled her shirt over her head and smiled up at him, Jacob's nerves had died down as he kissed her, everything came naturally with her and this would be no different.

**(A/N)**

**I like to update as quickly as possible but this chapter was just…lets just say I am going to throw in an extra chapter at the end from Embry's POV because his whole ordeal wasn't simple and it would not leave me alone, seriously. Its relevant to the story but not enough to take up an entire chapter in between all the other things going on. So I am going to add that later for anyone interested in seeing it. It wont be until the end though. Anyway I hope you enjoyed Jacob and Leah getting caught and then just taking it to the bedroom in the small house while Billy sits in the living room watching the game(haha)**

**and also a little bit of Jacobs thoughts on Paul and Bella, it's a question mark for everyone I guess…well except for me.**

**Hey one last thing before this authors note turns into something crazy(too late?) I started a Tumblr and I am going to leave the link here just this once(I PROMISE I try not to whore my Tumblr but its there if you ever want to check it out, I also posted it on my profile page)but its where I you can find me when you haven't seen an update in a while(which is rare for me, but it might not be like that for long)**

**so the link is:(fuck it I tried it wont post and I am not spelling it out, its on the homepage there/my profile if you want to look its there.)**

**I think you can see it even if you don't have a Tumblr. You will see my stress related posts about writing this chapter there as well as other things. **

**As always thank you for reading **


	12. Chapter 12

_Reality_

_Bella_

Night after night she woke up screaming and crying, she would walk through her empty house searching for comfort, it was never there. The only time she seemed able to sleep was in the middle of the day or whenever Leah or Paul made their appearance. Since Leah was engaged in other activities with Jacob, she found herself looking forward to having Paul around. He never asked her why she slept while he was there, he just took his place on the couch next to her. She usually fell asleep curled up on the opposite end of the couch and woke up tucked into his side. He was warm and comfortable, safe.

"You look like shit Swan." She sat up and stretched, she felt better but it didn't change the fact that she couldn't get through a night without dreaming about _him_. The dreams were always dark and terrifying, being changed used to be a dream she welcomed now it was a fear and it usually woke her up sweating, screaming and pleading with Edward not to kill her, not to take her. It made her feel sick and she was always afraid to open her eyes, afraid to really wake up and find him there. Paul was watching her, she noticed he did that a lot.

"Gee you're so sweet Paul, thanks." she bit back. It was easy for her to be herself with him, he didn't expect her to be perfect, he didn't expect anything from her and she liked that.

"Yea, yea. You can repay my kindness with a meal, a big meal, I'm starving and since you didn't feed me yesterday I expect it to be something more than that casserole shit." Bella rolled her eyes at him, she wasn't going to jump up and cook for him just because he demanded it, but she would eventually have to eat too and she thought that was the least she could do for him, since he did help her out she wasn't going to tell him that though.

"I did too feed you yesterday, I always feed you and you know damn well that you'll eat whatever the hell I cook so don't complain about my casserole." She stood up and walked toward the stairs.

"You made me a sandwich and filled it with crap I hate so that doesn't count. And where do you think you're going…the kitchen is that way." She laughed and turned around to say something but lost all train of thought when she practically slammed into his chest. Being a werewolf had its perks, she was pretty sure that sneaking up on her and watching her jump out of her skin was probably something he considered a perk.

"Jesus christ Paul, I thought I told you to stop doing that!" She shoved him but he didn't move an inch, just stood there in her space, making her heart speed up and her stomach twist uncomfortably. She could feel his eyes on her but she refused to look at him, because she knew that if she did she would be locked in place and breathing would become difficult, she knew from experience and at this point it was almost a daily occurrence.

"Since when do I listen to you." Bella didn't realize she had been moving, that they had both been moving until her back was against the wall and he was towering over her. It didn't worry her that he was big enough to squash her if he wanted to, her concern was losing the internal battle she had when he was this close to her, her body wanted to act but her brain usually kept her in check. Her mouth felt dry and she shook her head.

"You don't." She managed to choke out. She felt his hot breath on her face when he laughed. Her brain was shouting at her to move, to step away to stomp on his foot, whatever she could, she needed to retreat but her body refused to listen. Paul finally took a step back and the air moving around her became too still, too cold and too uncomfortable. She stood there a moment longer, allowing her senses to come back to her, a little late she thought. She needed a shower, a hot shower because she didn't like the way the cold air felt on her skin after being so hot, she never wanted to be cold again.

By the time she was out and dressed Paul was feeding himself and Bella had calmed down enough be able to look at him again. There were a lot of things she didn't quite understand about him, it seemed like he liked her as a person at least and if that was all he'd ever feel she would happily accept it, or at least try to.

"Really Paul you couldn't even wait fifteen minutes?" He shook his head and stuffed another spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

"Fifteen minutes my ass, that was like an hour. I'm surprised you even remembered I was here." She narrowed her eyes at him, it was not an hour, maybe a half an hour but not an hour and she needed to clear her head _because_ of him.

After feeding him, again, Bella was looking at the clock, hoping he wouldn't realize how late it was getting. She honestly did not want to be alone again, swallowing all the pride and fear she had, she had to ask him a favor and she really hoped he wasn't going to choose this moment to turn into a prick like he sometimes did.

"Paul do you think you can stay here tonight?" It wasn't that big of a deal, he had crashed on her couch a few times, she usually never had to ask him and it made her feel awkward. He looked at her and she really hoped she didn't look as desperate as she was feeling.

"Why?" Because she didn't want to be alone when she had another nightmare seemed silly when she thought about it. So she shook her head, she didn't want to sound like child. His simple question would open up a can of worms, she didn't want to unload everything on him,it would most likely drive him away if she did that and she did not want him to go anywhere.

"Never mind. Forget I asked." She didn't bother trying to guilt him into it, because if he didn't want to do something no amount of begging and pleading or guilt tripping would make him change his mind, she was learning a lot from being around him so much. He rolled his eyes at her and let out a frustrated sigh. Frustrated because she was as stubborn as he was when she wanted to be, and rather than simply answering him she closed off the subject completely, leaving no room to try and resolve it, not that she thought he wanted to hash through her life's troubles, he had his own to deal with. It irritated him that when she put up that wall, even he couldn't knock it down.

"I'll stay." She felt relieved almost instantly but she remembered that she needed to ask him something else, it could wait until tomorrow but the thought of another sleepless night, or waking up screaming and crying with Paul there didn't sit well with her. The dreams felt too real and she wanted to be sure that Edward was not creeping into her room while she slept, he's done it before who's to say he wouldn't do it again?

"Paul don't laugh but I need to ask you for something else." He raised an eyebrow at her and waited, she really did expect him to laugh at her, to call her an idiot or a baby.

"Can you check my room for me?" He looked at her like she was crazy, and it was the sort of reaction she had been expecting, she felt like she was insane for asking but she needed to be sure.

"Check your room? You mean like for monsters or something?" Bella nodded her head, that was exactly what she feared a monster, one she should have been afraid of all along. Paul must have seen something on her face that she had so desperately been trying to hide he didn't laugh, didn't call her a baby, he ran up the stairs to her room without saying anything. Bella stayed exactly where she was until he came back.

"No monsters. But maybe you should think about burning your bed or something...the smell is all over it." She let out a weak laugh. He might have been kidding but she had already considered it. It would have been easier to burn everything that he ever touched but she was sure she couldn't afford to replace it all, still something had been making her uncomfortable in her own room. Paul went to sit back on the couch and she stood there for a minute thinking.

"Do you think maybe you could help me flip the mattress?" If he was irritated by her yet he was doing a very good job of hiding it.

"You mean I'll flip the mattress while you watch…Anything else you need your majesty?" Bella laughed and followed him up the stairs, he already had it flipped when she got there, she was watching him while he looked around her room.

"Well this is pretty much what I expected Isabella Swans room to look like. Minus the 'hang in there' kitty poster, I thought for sure that would have been in here somewhere." Bella burst out laughing, she actually had that poster, she refused to hang it on her wall but she had it. She walked to her closet and pulled it out to show him.

"You mean this? My mom bought it for me when I moved here, I just never hung it up." He grabbed it and tacked it onto the wall above her desk, he was smiling proudly at his work and she couldn't help but smile with him, she wondered how something so simple like his smile could warm up the entire room, then she thought it was probably just her.

"Now its exactly how I pictured it." She was going to tease him about imagining the layout of her bedroom but she didn't get the chance because he was looking at something on her floor and before she could ask what he was doing he had a piece of the floorboard off. He pulled out a folded up piece of paper and a small velvet box.

"What the fuck is this?" Bella was shaking and she really needed to get sick, she ran to the bathroom and she didn't want to think about what Edward had left behind or why he would leave anything behind, he had obviously left those things for a reason, like he had done before. Because even if said he wanted her to forget him, he wanted some sort of claim on her and that was unnerving to her. She brushed her teeth and washed her face, when she caught sight of her reflection she started crying, she did not want to turn into a pathetic mess because of Edward again, she didn't want to lose all that she had gained since he left. Her cries turned to sobs and she balled herself up on the floor.

Paul didn't say anything to her when he walked into the bathroom, he didn't have to, he picked her up and brought her downstairs. He held her, he didn't kiss her head or tell her everything would be alright, he just held her until she fell asleep and that was comfort enough.

When she woke up Bella was in her room, or a room with her stuff in it. She sat up and looked around. It was her dad's room but all of her stuff was there she spotted the 'hang in there' poster above her desk and she couldn't help the ridiculous smile that crept up on her. She went downstairs and found Paul sprawled out on the couch. She had the urge to hug him, so she did. He went completely stiff when she wrapped her arms around his neck,

"Uh. What are you doing?" He sounded a little panicked and she tried not to laugh, she caught him off guard for once.

"Thanking you." He sat up with her still clinging to him. He didn't try to move her but he didn't hug her back either. She finally let him go, trying to hide the disappointment she felt by his reaction. He had already done enough for her, more than enough so she plastered the biggest smile she could on and asked what he wanted for breakfast.

The next few days were better, she felt comfortable in her fathers room and although the nightmares didn't stop, they weren't every night and she knew they weren't real so she could go back to sleep without the worry.

Her old bedroom door was shut and the only things inside there were the small box and a letter that she didn't want to read. It made her sick to think about she knew she wasn't ever going to want to read it, she honestly didn't care what it said. When she was ready to she was going to destroy it and the box which she was sure contained the diamond heart he had given her to put on her bracelet, a bracelet given to her by Jacob. He had wanted to put a claim on her because Jacob did or tried to.

The more she thought about Edward the more afraid of him she was and she kept telling herself that she always should have been and that scared her. Bella was brought out of her day-nightmare by Leah's voice from downstairs, she was arguing which meant that Paul was probably back now. She walked downstairs to see them glaring at each other.

"…you are such a prick and I swear to god if you even try it I am going to fucking kill you myself." Leah was almost right in his face and Bella watched as Paul took another step forward. She had no idea what they were arguing about but it was probably not worth getting involved, she figured out that for the most part, they were all talk and as much as they wanted to kill each other, they weren't going to.

"Fuck you Leah, I thought banging the alpha would have calmed you down but nope you're still the same bitch as before." Leah growled at him before punching him in the face. Bella could hear something break, she ran to grab a towel for him and led him over to the couch, he cracked his nose back into place. She didn't even realize that she hadn't become nauseous over the smell of his blood, she was too busy concentrating on breathing properly and not letting her fingers linger too long on his warm skin. She wouldn't meet his eyes, even if she really wanted to, she knew that both he and Leah were watching her and they could hear her breathing hitch and her heart nearly pounding out of her chest when his hand touched hers. She pulled away and went to the kitchen to clean herself up.

"Mind telling me what the fuck it was that I just witnessed in there?" Bella shrugged. She knew Leah was going to push her until she had answers, that's just the way she was.

"You broke his nose, it bled and I helped him clean it up. Did I miss anything?" Leah crossed her arms over her chest, she looked amused by Bella's too quick answer, she was watching her, waiting for her to slip and Bella was very close to slipping. She needed time to figure it out on her own before broadcasting it to anyone else.

It wasn't that she was in love with him because she wasn't. She thought it was just a crush but with him being around so often it had turned into more than that. He knew how to rile her up and he knew how to calm her down, he could easily make her laugh and he wasn't afraid to make her cry. He pulled her out of the shell she had stuffed herself into after everything that happened. She did not _need_ him, she _wanted_ him. Something inside her brain finally clicked, this was what it was supposed to feel like. She didn't need to become anything for him, she was her and that's all she would ever need to be. Although she was positive he didn't feel the same she couldn't keep holding onto the denial she had been living in all this time, she had to face facts and understand that she wouldn't know unless she asked and she wouldn't fail unless she tried. It wouldn't be the end of her world if he didn't return those feelings, it would hurt but it wouldn't kill her, she wouldn't let it.

**A/N:**

**...Finally.**

**Thanks for reading :)**


	13. Chapter 13

_Stress._

_Jacob_

If he didn't have two older sisters he would probably be worried, but since he knew that these things were _normal_ even for Leah, he wasn't, or he was trying not to be. Being in her head was difficult for everyone especially when all she could think about was what was going on with her body. Jacob didn't like the idea of anyone knowing these things about her but there wasn't a lot he could do. Leah was freaking out because she started getting her period again, even if it made him cringe to think about, it also made him wonder what was going on with her. Since she started phasing it stopped and now…he didn't know what it meant really, just that she was going through a whirlwind of emotions and he didn't want to be in her head for any longer than he had to be, it wasn't any easier to be around her in their daily life either, she was quieter and a lot moodier than he was used to, she sort of pushed him away and he knew better than to push her back.

Over the next few weeks Leah had calmed down over the idea of her body 'returning to normal' and Jacob didn't feel the need to 'back away slowly' whenever she glared at him. It was ridiculous of him to think she wouldn't catch on either, when she confronted him about his behavior he managed to stutter out a response that he was lucky enough to walk away from in one piece, he might have been a lot stronger than her but she was quick and he wasn't stupid enough to believe she wasn't capable of pulling him apart. While he sat there by himself on the beach thinking about how completely whipped he was, Paul and Jared walked up.

"In the doghouse again Black?" Jared was in no position to be making fun of him, Kim had been upset by a comment he made about breaking the imprint. Since Embry did it and Quil was seriously weighing out the pros and cons of breaking his imprint , Jared had been thinking about it, he couldn't not think about it being a possibility and of course he couldn't lie to his imprint when the subject came up so now he was being shut out. Jacob shook his head and kept quiet, he didn't need to remind Jared that he was an idiot too.

"You fuckers are pathetic." Paul flopped down beside Jacob and he resisted the urge to push him or hit him. He was calling them pathetic? After all the hints and signals and seeing Bella practically throw herself at him, he was still completely clueless. He was the only one who couldn't see it, Jacob thought Bella was also pretty stupid for not seeing the way Paul followed her around and watched her, they were both ridiculous. Jared growled and Jacob didn't care enough to get into it, he was immune to Paul's stupidity.

"You're one to talk asshole. Who's the one chasing the ex leech lover around?" Paul moved so quick Jared didn't see him coming. Although it was true, Jared shouldn't have said it. Jacob watched for a few moments as they wrestled to the ground, when he finally heard something crack he ordered them to quit. They were all frustrated and a fight wasn't going to kill them, just release some of the tension they had been holding onto. Since he knew Paul was probably going to explode soon if he didn't fight or well…fuck he thought he'd let him fight, god knows how long he would be waiting for the other option.

"Enough." He didn't have to shout, it was one of the easier part's of being a wolf, the alpha voice, he rarely used it but it worked all the same when he had to. Paul and Jared moved away from each other, Jared's face was cut and Paul's hand was broken. Jacob shook his head. Controlling their emotions was harder to do when they were all mixed up in what the others were going through, it was easier to lose control sometimes.

"Jared you need to fix this issue you're having with your imprint. I suggest you figure it out before she figures it out for you." Jared nodded his head but he was clearly upset with having to hear it. Paul still had his eyes narrowed at Jared, Jacob sighed and spoke to him next.

"And you, you need to straighten out this _problem _that you're having." He didn't say her name, it would only make things worse and he knew it, Paul grunted and nodded. They weren't always willing to listen so forcing the sense back into them was sometimes necessary, or so Jacob told himself. He had his own stress to deal with and needed to work on that, he sent them both home and went to find Leah.

Of course he found her with Bella at her house, she was looking just as stressed out as the rest of them, he didn't want to interfere but if her or Paul didn't open their eyes soon he was going to lock them in a room together, that would at least solve one of their problems. Leah looked bothered by his presence and he was hoping that he wouldn't have to walk on eggshells around her for the rest of his life, he wasn't sure he could handle that. Bella didn't say much and he knew he interrupted something, after a moment of awkward/tense silence he walked back out the door, he knew Leah was dealing with a lot but her attitude was irritating him. There weren't a lot of things he wouldn't do for her but even he had a limit to being treated like shit. He heard her following him.

"What is so important that you needed to come all the way to Forks to see me Jacob?" She had her arms crossed over her chest when he turned around to look at her.

"I just wanted to see you. Why do I need a reason to want to see you?" He tried to keep his tone as calm as he could but he knew he wasn't fooling her. Leah sighed and let her arms fall to her sides. Watching her moods shift so quickly was something he couldn't get used to, no matter how hard he tried. She was always okay with expressing herself emotionally but it was usually focused on one emotion at a time. He knew that it frustrated her more than anyone else because she told him so but it was still challenging for him to deal with.

"Look I'm sorry Jake, I'll come over to your place later I just want a bit of space and Bella needs someone to talk to. By the way if you see Paul tell him I am going to kick his ass if he doesn't get his shit together soon." Jacob rolled his eyes but nodded his head. It shouldn't take an entire pack of werewolves to play match maker, but for some reason that's exactly what was happening. If this was what pack-life was like without the presence of vampires, he wasn't so sure if he cared all that much for it. They had to live out each others daily drama's and he could think of better things to do than watch their love lives or lack of love lives unfold, wasn't that what daytime television was for?

"I've already seen Paul and his shit is as together as its ever going to get. Maybe you should talk to Bella and tell _her_ to get her shit together, or we could go with my idea and lock them up until they figure it out." Leah already threatened to 'cut him off' if he did so much as think about _that_ idea again, it wasn't like he was completely serious, but the more he thought about it the better it sounded, having a moody Paul around was far worse than a moody Leah, he could deal without one for a while and he was not going to give up Leah. She shook her head and sighed impatiently.

"I'm kidding Leah. But seriously talk to her." Jacob wondered how Paul hadn't seen it through their minds, how he couldn't see what they were all seeing but he figured that he probably just didn't want to see it, that had to be it. He walked over to Leah, she could claw his eyes out if she wanted to but he wasn't going to go anywhere without at least being able to touch her when she was right there, standing in front of him. He kissed her head and breathed in her scent, he noticed _that_ had changed too but it wasn't something he was going to mention, it wasn't a bad thing, she just smelled different. Leah shook her head again.

"I have talked to her, that's what I'm doing…again. We all know its Paul that's the bigger dummy of the two of them. She's practically thrown herself at him every chance she gets, I'm surprised she hasn't stripped down yet, but hey maybe there's an idea, anything to wake that idiot up." Jacob shuddered at the image of Bella naked, he used to think about it all the time but she just didn't do it for him anymore.

"Yea well…I'll see you at the house later then?" He hoped he didn't look like the lost puppy he felt like. Leah smiled and nodded before pulling him down to kiss him, it didn't make him forget the world around him but it was enough to hold him over until he seen her again. She went back to the house as Jacob watched her, he waited until she was out of sight before turning around and heading back to his house.

Quil was waiting out front, when he arrived, he looked like he was in a lot of pain and Jacob knew what it meant. All he could think about for the last few months since Embry came back was breaking his own imprint. He loved Claire but the part of him that existed before he imprinted on her wanted the choice back. Jacob walked inside with Quil behind him, they sat down on the small sofa, Quil was already starting to look like a mess, it was a long process and one he had clearly already begun.

"I talked to Embry already and he explained to me what he did and I'm going to go. I need to at least try. If I can do it she wont have to be tied to me for the rest of her life, she'll have a choice too." Jacob nodded his head, he was afraid to let Quil run off alone but he couldn't make these sort of decisions for his pack.

"You're sure about this? What are you going to do if it doesn't work?" Jacob needed to know that he was sure about his decision, that he thought about everything before doing something that would change everything for him. Embry struggled and he was only imprinted on Emily for a short time, it was different for him, it would be harder for Quil.

"It has to work. I've already made up my mind, I wont come back if it doesn't work." Jacob didn't know what to say to that, he couldn't just let him run off and kill himself. He shook his head, the thought of losing another pack brother was not something he wanted running through his mind.

"Quil, I cant let you do that. If it doesn't work then you come back and I will figure out a way to help you but you have to come back." He hoped that as his friend he might be able to convince him without having to alpha order him. Quil just shrugged his shoulders like it truly didn't matter to him.

"It will work." He didn't look as confident as he sounded but Jacob had to trust that he knew what he wanted, that he had made the right choice. When Leah came by that night he held her longer, tighter than he had been able to in a while. She didn't question him or push him away. Even when things weren't perfect with them he knew without a doubt that they could get through it. She wasn't what he_ needed_, she was what he had, she was what he _wanted_. Nothing was tying her to him the way imprinting did, he could easily lose her and as strange as it sounded to be grateful for that, he was.

**a/n:**

**I really hope you can see where I am going with these 'changes' to Leah...(?) **

**Bella and Paul, well they are going to hash it out...finally, it could go either way at this point**

** and because I hate imprinting especially those baby-imprints...well I might as well see what I can do for Quil too, because seriously who the hell waits like sixteen years to have sex with someone, someone who you've watched grow up, its just not right. Just my opinion on the subject.**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing :)  
**


	14. Chapter 14

_Light._

_Bella_

If there wasn't pain and suffering, death and darkness they wouldn't appreciate love, happiness, life and light, or at least that was what she kept telling herself. The people she had come to know and love as family were dealt a shitty hand but they always found a way to keep moving, even when it hurt. It had been two weeks since Quil set off to break his imprint and Bella watched the pack holding themselves and each other together, fearing the worst but hoping for the best. She did everything she could to support them, to be there for them, help them in whatever way she could. Her house became werewolf central and she didn't mind at all, it was no longer _too_ quiet and there was always someone to keep her mind off everything she was avoiding.

Nothing could change their past and she knew this now, she couldn't wish it all away because it brought her and everyone else to where they were at that very moment. They were stronger because of all the bullshit they went through, she was stronger too.

Jared brought Kim over to her house a few times and Bella wondered why all imprints couldn't be like theirs, they weren't perfect but they worked and they didn't have to hurt anyone to get where they were. If they were forced into loving someone why couldn't it be simple and painless like that?

Seth came flying through her front door interrupting her thoughts and everyone else's conversations.

"They found him." Bella felt the knots in her stomach tightening, Jacob and Embry had been gone for two days, Jacob was determined to drag Quil back if he had to and no one disagreed, his wishes were to be left alone if he couldn't break the imprint but even Bella couldn't find the sense in that.

"Well…is he okay?" She didn't mean to say anything but when no one else asked she wanted to know and her mouth moved before her brain caught up. Seth bowed his head and she felt the lump forming in her throat. She wasn't best friends with Quil or anything, they got along but she still cared about him and didn't want anyone including Quil to suffer anymore, they had been through enough.

"He's alive, just barely." Seth sat down on the floor with his head in his hands and Bella wondered just how bad it was and if he managed to break his imprint. The room was silent, they would have to wait until they brought him back to find out and she prayed to whoever was listening that he would be okay, that they would all be okay.

There were no words to describe what she felt when she finally did see Quil, he was broken and it made her chest tighten and her stomach twist uncomfortably just to look at him. Pain, regret and loss were what he experienced and soon after, all he felt was gone replaced with absolutely nothing. Bella drove back home from Embry's house where she had dropped off some food for the pack, she knew they would be too busy focusing on Quil to feed themselves. He was laid out in Sam and Emily's old room and she could feel the pain from where she stood, it was everywhere.

Paul knocked on her window, she had been sitting in her car worrying and putting all the hope she had into this, she got out and walked behind him back into her house they sat in silence for a few minutes before he finally spoke.

"It's not as bad as it looks Swan, he'll be fine. He needs some food and sleep and he'll be alright." Paul was a lot of things but he wasn't a liar and he truly believed that Quil would be fine, Bella nodded her head, she hoped that he was right.

Bella watched as Quil slowly found his way back to life, he still appeared lost but over the next few weeks he had improved. She stood in the kitchen at Embry's tidying up the mess they had made, she missed having them over but she did not miss their messes. She was thinking about how quickly things had changed in their lives. Even when it felt like nothing was moving she knew that changes were coming, they always did.

"Why the hell are you cleaning up Embry's kitchen? Let that slob clean his own mess." Leah walked in and sat on the damp countertop. Bella had been watching her, noticing the changes and she wondered how no one else could see it. Leah had been emotional over everything and she was sure that her features had changed slightly, how was it that she, the only one without supernatural senses, picked up on this before anyone else? At some point, when there weren't ears everywhere, she was going to have to ask her friend about it.

"I just thought I'd tidy it up while I'm here. Everyone's been busy and I just wanted to help." Leah nodded, keeping whatever smart ass remarks she had on the subject to herself. She hopped off the counter, and looked at the doorway before letting out a sigh. Bella finished up and turned around to look at her.

"Alright Clearwater cut the crap and tell me what's on your mind " Leah grabbed her hand and led her out the front door.

"Well for starters you are spending too much time with Paul, did you really just tell me to cut the crap?" She smirked and Bella laughed, it wasn't that bad, she had to admit though that having friends like Leah and Paul came with side effects, blurting out the first thing that popped into her head was one of them, she did swear a lot more than she used to, or should. The got into Bella's car before Leah continued.

"Bella I think…oh god I don't even know if its possible but I might be…" Bella knew exactly where this was going and she started the car, they needed to get to a pharmacy before Leah had an anxiety attack.

"Pregnant?" Bella finished off for her. Leah nodded and Bella could hear her crying, it was strange to see her so vulnerable but it wasn't like Leah wasn't human, she was and of course she reacted like any woman would in her situation.

"It'll be okay Leah, we'll get you a test and everything will be okay." Bella didn't have much practice comforting Leah, it was usually her that needed the comfort. She glanced over at her and thought that she would definitely get better at it, she would have to especially if she was pregnant.

They got to the pharmacy and picked up as many tests as they could and brought them back to Bella's, three positive tests and a meltdown of epic proportions on Leah's part later, Leah finally admitted something she once believed impossible…she was in fact pregnant. Bella wanted to comfort her and let her have her moment of panic but she couldn't help the huge smile that appeared on her face. Leah glared at her.

"What are you smiling about Swan?" Bella stood up and looked down at the tests and at her upset friend shaking her head in awe, she wanted to squeal and scream but she knew Leah would probably pull her tongue out, she needed that to be able to talk the sense back into her so she did her best to keep the excitement from spilling everywhere.

"You're going to be a mama Leah" It was like every dark shadow that they had seen over all these month's had been smothered by this tiny light. Leah gave her a small smile before breaking down again.

"Oh my god Bella I cant be a mom and what the fuck is Jake going to say? What if he imprints and leaves me?" Bella sat down on the tub and took Leah's hand in her own. Jacob would never leave Leah and she was clearly to hormonal to understand just how happy he was going to be…well she hoped he would be happy, she wasn't above kicking him in baby making parts if he wasn't, how could he not be?

"He's going to be fine, you'll both be fine. I honestly don't think its possible for Jacob to imprint. You're the alpha female and he's alpha male, I don't think either of you can imprint…you are who he is meant to be with." Bella had thought a lot about it and it didn't make sense for the two leaders of the pack to imprint on anyone, they had too much to think about when it came to their duties, their responsibilities, having their world shift and focused entirely on one person didn't make sense for them, or at least that's what she thought. Leah laughed while she wiped at her face.

"Alpha female?" She had her eyebrow raised and Bella laughed. It was something she read about online about wolf packs, they weren't the same but there were a lot of similarities, she nodded and explained all she had learned about wolves. She drove Leah home after she had a clearer head, although she was still in shock, she seemed to be okay with the idea…sort of.

Paul was waiting in her house with the strangest look on his face when she got back. He looked a little pissed, _that_ wasn't anything new but she thought there was something else, something different in his eyes. She wasn't sure what to make of him these days, she wanted to tell him that he was an idiot for not getting it. For not seeing all the hints and signs that were there in front of him, she was sure that if she held up a sign saying 'interested' while completely naked, he still wouldn't notice.

"Why the fuck are there like fifteen pregnancy tests in the bathroom?" Bella wouldn't tell him who they belonged to, it wasn't her secret to tell, she cursed herself for not hiding them properly, of course Paul would find them, he practically lived there, he probably knew when things were put out of place. She shook her head at him, unsure of why he was so upset, she was never going to understand him, how could he be so simple and so complicated, that should not be possible.

"Are you planning on running around jumping on every uncovered dick in Forks or something, are you trying to get pregnant?" Bella's face scrunched up in disgust. She was still a fucking virgin and she was positive everyone knew this embarrassing fact about her. She was annoyed at his accusations, and what right did he have to accuse her of anything any way? They weren't together, he clearly wasn't interested in her, so what business was it of his?

"Fuck off Paul. Why do you care anyway?" He glared at her and he started to shake slightly, Bella stepped back. They fought a lot and she noticed that he had a better handle on his emotions lately, he never got angry enough to shake but at that moment he looked pissed enough to phase.

"Seriously Bella? You think I don't fucking care? I don't know how you cant see it, everyone else sees it but you. How the fuck can you _not_ see it?" He stopped shaking but Bella took another step back, now she was frightened of where this conversation was headed. Of course she knew he cared about her, but in the same way he cared about everyone else, even if it bothered her she could at least admit to that.

"What exactly am I supposed to see?" He shook his head and remained silent, she was starting to get irritated with him. Bella was starting to give up on the idea of her and Paul, she had practically thrown herself at him in hopes of something happening. Of course she knew it would have been easier to just admit her feelings to him but she was afraid of being rejected, so that never happened. Paul let out a frustrated sigh and she waited for him to answer.

"God you really are an idiot Swan." He didn't give her a chance to respond he had his mouth on hers so quickly she didn't even have time to think, she was kissing Paul and just like that it finally clicked, everything fit so perfectly together that she did feel like an idiot for not seeing something that was so painfully obvious. He pulled away and she blinked a few times. He was watching her and she couldn't think of anything to say, all she wanted to do was kiss him again, so she did.

Her only experience with kissing was with Edward and that one kiss she had with Jacob and she didn't think that counted. Paul wasn't afraid to hold her tightly against him, even if he could break her. His lips were rough but not needy, there was nothing desperate about it. She wanted him, he wanted her there was nothing to complicate it, it was exactly what it should have been, it was exactly what she wanted it to be.

Someone cleared their throat from behind them and Bella unwound her fingers from his hair and untangled her limbs from his body, she didn't want to but it would have been rude to continue while someone watched. Jacob was standing there with a huge grin on his face.

"Its about fucking time"His blinding smiled made Paul mumble something about him being "a no good cock blocking asshole" He laughed and Bella had to remind herself that he was going to be a father, and Leah would kill her if she managed to somehow kill him. He was there for a reason and it involved Paul having to go with him somewhere, she wanted to pout but that would have been childish and silly, she did glare at Jacob although it didn't affect him at all, she wondered if he knew about Leah yet, maybe that's why he was so bloody happy.

Paul kissed her again before leaving and she had some things to think about before he got back but one thing she knew without a doubt was that Paul was what she wanted right now, the past didn't matter and future was not important, right now he was so completely right for her and that's all that mattered.

**a/n:**

**(I apologize for not giving any real reference of time here, if it helps this is now about eight months after Sam's death I was hoping that was obvious but I realize it might not be)**

**I squished three major things into one chapter and tried to do so smoothly(sorry if it wasn't)**

**I will be jumping through time again in the next few chapters**

**Thank you for reading :)**


	15. Chapter 15

_Fears_

_Jacob_

There was something different about her but he wasn't sure what it was. With nothing left to distract him, she was all he could think about again and this time there were too many questions running through his mind, like why her scent was different, and why she hadn't phased in over two weeks. Why was Leah ignoring him…again? He wasn't sure if she was moodier because he hardly seen her at all, hell he's seen more of Bella than he's seen Leah and since that was hardly ever, that was definitely saying something and he needed to figure this out.

Jacob was digging though the minds of each pack member, looking for some clue as to what was up with Leah, he did not want to walk into anything blindly. Seth would know if something was going on but going through his mind was like torture, in a way. There was nothing wrong with being eternally happy but Jacob was more irritable these days and Seth was just too…Seth. He tried anyway, the only thing he could really determine from his mind was that Leah was quieter than usual, well there was that and she was back to spending lots of time with Bella again and that wasn't really strange anymore.

Embry and Quil weren't very helpful in the Leah department either, Embry was probably worse than Seth when it came to being obnoxiously happy, he was like some peppy cheerleader, his thoughts were scattered but annoyingly happy, he was glad to have him around but sometimes he liked being miserable. Quil, well he had his own troubles and Jacob was doing his friend a favor by keeping out of his mind, there was just too much that he knew Quil was going through, things he didn't want to share. Jared was thinking about quitting his pack life all together, settling down and being 'normal', his entire focus was of Kim and what she wanted, Leah was the last thing on his mind. Jacob wondered why all imprints couldn't be like that.

There was always Paul…Jacob cringed at the thought of being in his head. Since he walked in on him and Bella that day he avoided running or being phased with him. It was just too…weird. Although he did have to give Paul credit, he had learned to keep a lid on most things when it came to his budding relationship with Bella, those two were interesting to have around, they were still entertaining to watch when they fought, which they often did, but there was so much more to it Paul didn't seem to care that he was being less...Paul-like, he wasn't completely fixed but he was trying.

Jacob thought he probably could have asked Bella about Leah but he scratched that thought almost immediately, she was a master when it came to keeping a secret, he could respect that but only when it didn't involve the love of his life. It was becoming unbearable for him, all this silence. The fear of losing her was easing its way into him and he didn't like it, he needed to see her before he lost his mind or something. Jacob quickly got dressed and headed over to the Clearwaters.

Sue answered the door, she was wearing her most sympathetic smile, or at least that's what it looked like to him, he could never be sure with her.

"Leah just left, she's gone over to Bella's for the night." Jacob did his best not to let the frustration slip through, he nodded his head and thanked her before leaving again. He didn't want to chase Leah all over the place but she was really starting to irritate him. He drove to Forks, the silence would allow him some time to think about what he wanted to say, he still wasn't sure what that was. Paul was running tonight, Jacob thought about talking to the pack about what they wanted to do, it was ridiculous to keep them tied to La Push if they didn't have to be, there weren't vampires around and he doubted that the Cullen's would be a threat if they ever decided to return. If they wanted to do something more with their lives he didn't want to be the one to hold them back.

The Swan residence looked different now, it looked like Bella's rather than Charlie's, Jacob was sure Charlie would have been happy with the changes she made, it looked like a home, her home. He pulled up and sat outside a minute knowing Leah would hear him, she did. All the changes he had noticed in her were small but he could see them. The way her face seemed to be lit, even under all the stress. Her curves looked softer, he was pretty sure that her hair had grown too, which was a weird thing for him to notice but he did. They sat in his car for a few minutes before Leah looked at him, her eyes were glassy but her lips were turned up, she was smiling.

"Jacob I wasn't sure how to tell you this…" His heart faltered and he did not want to think about why Leah was biting her lip so hard, it had to be good news right? Of course it had to be if she was smiling…but she was also crying.

"…I'm pregnant." Jacob stopped breathing, stopped thinking, stopped seeing, hearing, feeling. Everything stopped.

It was only a few moments and he could hear her breathing, he could hear her heart beat and suddenly everything else made sense, all those subtle changes were bigger and he really should have seen this coming.

"Breathe Jake." She laughed, her humor hadn't changed and he was glad for that. Leah was smiling up at him from the passenger seat, he was still in shock but he managed to lean over and kiss her. He was going to be a dad and he should have been terrified but seeing her so happy put his fears to rest, there was no room for him to feel anything but happy.

"I'm going to be a dad?" Leah nodded and she was completely glowing and how did he not notice that? He jumped out and moved to her side of the car, pulling her out as gently as he could, as much as he wanted to pick her up he didn't want to take the chance of hurting her or their baby. Jacob knelt down, with his hands on her hips he pressed his ear to her stomach and smiled. He had never been more thankful for his senses than at that moment, he could hear the heart beat, he kissed her still flat stomach.

"I can hear her." Leah laughed, he stood up and pulled her into his arms. She looked up at him, her eyebrows raised.

"What makes you so sure it's a girl?" He shrugged, he didn't know why he knew that they would have a daughter, but he did.

"I just do." Leah rolled her eyes. He honestly didn't care if they had a boy or girl but he _knew_ it would be a girl and she would be beautiful like just like Leah, she would probably be just as strong and just as outspoken too.

It occurred to Jacob at some point that he didn't even know how long they would have to wait to meet this baby, and well, he really should be thinking about important things like hers and the baby's health and who was going to take care of her when he couldn't? Would she be able to see a regular doctor? There were a million things he should be thinking about but that smile on her face shut him up, he would find out later, he wanted nothing more than to enjoy that moment with her, so he did.

After they told their parents, who didn't seem as shocked as they should have been, they told the pack. There was a bonfire, the first one in a long time and things felt right again. He got slaps on the back for 'doing a good job' and Leah got hugs all around, it was the first time he'd ever seen them be so careful with her, even Paul and it was the first time she let them. He watched the way she interacted with everyone, her rough exterior seemed to be softening, if only slightly.

After a few weeks Billy, Old Quil and Sue found a suitable doctor, one they trusted enough to handle _anything_, Leah was measured, poked and prodded, it was one of the few times that Jacob almost lost control.

"_Calm the fuck down Jake. He's just doing his job." _Leah said it low enough so only he would hear. He wondered why the hell they found a male doctor, what was this the 40's? There were lots of women who could do the same job weren't there? He got his breathing under control and nodded. The doctor said she was eight weeks along and they left to share the news. Things were strangely normal for them now, Leah wasn't phasing and he was too worried about her to leave her for too long so he didn't phase much either.

It was Paul who approached him first about leaving the pack, he surprised the hell out of Jacob by telling him he wanted to stop phasing now. He expected that it would have happened at some point but he assumed Paul would have been the very last one to ask.

"I'll have to speak to the elders and council and then hold a meeting, you need to be sure about this Paul." Jacob was curious as to why Paul would want to stop now, his temper was no where near as bad as it once was but it was still hard for him to control his emotions and it would probably be a while before he could fully stop. Paul nodded his head, he had been quiet for the past few weeks, not silent but not as loud as he normally was.

"I'm sure." Jacob looked at Paul and for the first time since he'd known him, he looked calm, not cocky but confident and strong. Jacob wouldn't deny that Paul was strong but he used his physical strengths more than anything else. It was the quiet certainty that he had that made Jacob sure that could do this and his reasons didn't matter, even if he was positive that they were somehow tied to Bella, it wasn't his place to pry.

"Are you going to stop?" Paul was watching him, waiting for him to respond. Of course Jacob wanted to but he would have to wait until he didn't have a pack to think about first.

"Eventually. When everyone else does and I don't have a reason to phase anymore, sure I'll stop, what made you decide this so suddenly?" He really wanted to know what would make Paul of all people want to stop before anyone else.

"I haven't imprinted yet. I don't want to have that choice taken away from me too." Paul looked frustrated at that thought, even if he knew that he could fight imprint he didn't want to have to.

Jacob wasn't completely oblivious to the world around him. Paul might have been good at hiding his thoughts but it was obvious to Jacob just what he would be losing if he imprinted...Bella. If he needed a wake up call to see outside himself and Leah this was certainly it, Paul clearly felt more for Bella than he was willing to admit, he was willing to give up the physical strength, something he leaned on, so he wouldn't lose her. Jacob nodded in understanding, this was something he would help him do, because even if he and Bella weren't as close as they were, he knew that she deserved to be happy too. They all deserved to be happy and if that meant giving up the curse/blessing of shape shifting to get that, then that's what they had to do.

**A/N: I really appreciate your patience with this story, I have been busy and tired and a bunch of other things(sorry) there are only a few chapters left to write (hooray) but anyway thanks for those of you who are still around**

**thank you for reading and reviewing :)  
**


	16. Chapter 16

_Losing.  
_

_Bella_

Nothing was set in stone when it came to life and Bella's life was certainly no exception. Of course it had been flipped on its side one too many times to count, but she was still alive, still living and she knew from experience that it could be worse. When her ex boyfriend happened to show up on her doorstep she didn't panic because she knew that there were far worse things than seeing the person or vampire she thought she would have once given everything up for standing before her very eyes. Even if her now boyfriend, who was trying to quit phasing was at her side growling, things could be worse.

Everything had been going smoothly or at least as smoothly as they could be with Paul, they fought but she was always happy, he made her happy. When Edward showed up claiming he needed to see her. Her heart did not stop and the rush of old emotions for him did not suddenly resurface, she calmly told him to leave and never come back. He didn't plead or beg and she didn't cry or experience an emotional breakdown because after nearly a year without seeing him, she truly was over it. There wasn't a fight or nasty words exchanged, he politely left from where he came and that was it. Bella continued on with what she was doing before he showed up, which was baking for Leah, when Paul finally spoke up.

"Aren't you going to say something? Your ex boyfriend, the leech just showed up to "check in on you" and you're really just going to act like nothing happened?" He didn't sound angry, just honestly curious as to why she wasn't freaking out. She shrugged her shoulders before setting the timer and putting the would be cookies in the oven. She wondered if she really should have been freaking out, after all the nightmares and worries she had over seeing Edward again, she probably should have had some sort of reaction but she didn't.

"There's nothing to say. Nothing happened, you were standing right there Paul…unless I missed something. I mean, we could talk about this if you want. Or you could talk and I could listen because honestly…I have nothing to say." Bella waited for him to say something back, when he didn't she turned around to clean up the dishes. Part of her was worried that he was going to walk out the door and leave her behind and that thought was enough to make her panic but the other part of her knew better. It would be a long time before she could truly be over the abandonment issues she had but she was trying and she was proud of herself for handling the sudden disruption in her life as well as she did.

Paul had his arms around her a few moments later, she could almost feel his relief and she wondered if he could feel hers too, she tried not to think about the future but she couldn't help herself in moments like that, she would always want Paul in her life, even if she couldn't be with him, even if he imprinted on someone else and left her, she was sure she would still want him in her life, he was a part of her now and always would be.

They didn't discuss Edward or any the Cullen's after that, it wasn't that she had forgotten about them, or that she ever could, but she wanted to live her life without the heavy weight of the past holding her down. There was a different path for her in life and she was more than happy to take it now that she could see it.

Paul had slowly but surely been moving in and Bella didn't seem to mind. He practically lived there anyways. It got to the point where she wondered why he didn't just pack up all of his belongings at once but she knew it was because there were possessions he didn't want to go through, she understood that, it was still hard for him to deal with his past.

The physical relationship she and Paul had was moving at a frustratingly slow pace, it seemed that they had done everything but have sex and she was glad that he was respectful of her but she had been ready the moment she realized she was attracted to him and she was sure he wanted her too, she decided to ask him about it one night after they finished watching a movie.

"Paul…why haven't we had sex yet?" She wasn't normally so blunt or impatient but waiting for him to man up was starting to get on her nerves. What she wasn't prepared for was his reaction or reply. He let out a frustrated sigh before pulling her into his side and kissing her head.

"Because I don't want to hurt you. As much as you piss me off sometimes, the last thing I'd want to do is hurt you." Bella looked up at him, his answer had surprised her and she wasn't sure how to respond. He had softened up a bit since he decided to stop phasing, not completely but he didn't hesitate to show her or tell her that he cared and she wasn't always prepared for it.

"Okay. But its going to hurt anyway right? So…" Paul was shaking his head and Bella knew that the rejection she felt had shown up on her face. At this rate she believed she would remain a virgin forever. She stood up to get away from him, the last thing she wanted to do was cry because her boyfriend didn't want to have sex with her…again. It had happened with Edward and she knew that this was a very different reason but she still felt just as shitty as she did then. Paul didn't let her get far he held her, reassured her and comforted her in his own way, like he always did.

"I'm not saying I don't want to drag you up the stairs and fuck you until you cant walk straight, I'm just saying I want to make sure I'm not going to hurt you first." Bella had been expecting that response, or at least the first part of it, she still wasn't so sure why he thought he would hurt her, she buried her face in his chest. His temperature had started returning to normal a few weeks ago and it felt so natural that she didn't really notice it until now. Not a lot had changed, he still towered over her and his body had still been quite solid, she wondered how long it would be before that softened up, or if it ever would.

"Wouldn't fucking me until I cant walk straight hurt too?" Paul laughed, she imagined he was probably proud of just how honest she was now, or how she cursed just as much as he did. It had a lot to do with him, he had brought out this confidence in her, more like forced it out of her but she was glad that he did.

"Don't laugh at me, I'm serious. I don't think its fair that I'm probably the only 19 year old virgin around here. Are you going to force me to marry you first or something?" In all fairness if he'd asked her to marry him she probably would have said yes because for some reason she liked the thought of being his wife, it would be the worlds longest engagement but she would have said yes. She really didn't want to be bribed into marriage just for sex, that was ridiculous. Paul looked at her strangely, before shaking his head.

"Bella I wouldn't force you to do anything especially get married and definitely not for sex, who the fuck does that anyway. I just…" He paused before letting out a breath.

"If this was just about sex I wouldn't even be talking about it with you. It's not. I don't want to have you and then lose you, I want to make sure I have some control first."

Bella knew she loved Paul, there wasn't a doubt in her mind but there was always that fear that he didn't feel the same, she knew he cared about her but since neither of them were willing to speak up first, she wasn't sure just how much he cared. She nodded to let him know she understood, she was worried that if she spoke her voice would crack, and there was that lump in her throat, she still had her arms wrapped tightly around him but she was afraid to look up at him.

"Are you crying?" Over the time she had spent with him, she had sort of hardened up, crying wasn't a rare occurrence but it didn't happen as often as it used to for her. She let go of him and sat down on the couch again covering her face with her hands, it wasn't like he never seen her cry, she just didn't like an audience, especially one who had unintentionally brought her to tears.

Paul kneeled down in front of her and pulled her hands from her face before kissing her, he looked at her for a moment, there must have been something in her eyes that he had been looking for because before she could say anything he was picking her up, throwing her over his shoulder and carrying her to the room.

It was painful but Paul had been gentle with her and she understood just what he meant when he said he didn't want to hurt her. Having him in every possible way now made the idea of losing him _that_ much harder. It wouldn't be the end of her world but she was sure it would be incredibly difficult to get through and she really didn't want to go through it. Bella decided that she would fight for him as long as he would fight for her.

They didn't go anywhere for a few days so when Jacob showed up at the door with a very worried Leah at his side, she shouldn't have been surprised.

"Where the fuck have you been Swan? I've been calling your phone off the damn hook, I've been worried sick about you and Jesus Christ…" Leah stopped and scrunched up her nose. "Open the windows Jake and tell Paul to go with you to get me some ice cream or cookies or both and some cake too. I need to talk to Bella for a bit…" Bella quirked her eyebrow at her friend, her tiny belly had rounded out over the past few months and she resisted the urge to pat it. Jacob simply put on his best "yes dear" face and called out for Paul. Leah waited until they were out the door, in the car and down the street before turning on Bella.

"You had sex!" Bella blushed, she and Paul hadn't left the room very much and she was sure she would rather have been with him than being interrogated by her pregnant friend. She simply nodded her head, Leah not only had werewolf senses but pregnant werewolf senses and she already knew, there was no point in denying something she could probably smell. Bella blushed at that thought, she didn't even get the chance to clean herself up .

"How long has this been going on, and why in the hell didn't you tell me?" Leah didn't look as angry as she did amused, of course Bella thought, she was glad Paul wasn't sharing his thoughts with everyone else anymore, it was bad enough they could smell him on her, she would probably never leave the house if they had all witnessed a play by play.

"Just the last few days and I've been sort of…busy." Bella's face had turned a few shades darker which only made Leah laugh.

"I hope you're on the pill and you've been using condoms because I'm not going to be available to babysit any of your pups, I've got this one to worry about and I've already called dibs on my mom, Seth and Kim, you'll be shit out of luck if you get knocked up. Plus I was kind of hoping you'd be the first one I'd call…" Bella grinned at her friend.

"Of course I'm on the pill and yes mother, we've been using condoms too. I don't think you'll be able to pry me away from this little bean when she…or he arrives." Leah rolled her eyes, since Jacob found out he was going to be a father he had convinced everyone it was going to be a girl, Bella was convinced but she didn't care either way, as long as the baby and Leah were fine she would be happy for them.

"So did Paul fulfill all your fantasies and whatever?" Leah asked as she finally kicked her shoes off and leaned back on the couch. Bella's blush had quickly returned and Leah laughed again, Bella thought she was enjoying this far too much.

"I didn't have fantasies about him." Bella got up hoping to distract Leah or herself from the subject of her and Paul's sex life, she started picking up things that were lying around when she really noticed the shape her house was in. Paul's things were everywhere and she hadn't cleaned in days. Leah rolled her eyes at her again.

"Paul can clean it up when he gets back, sit down and tell me how it finally happened." It wasn't that she was uncomfortable sharing these things with Leah, she would tell her eventually anyway, it just felt like she should at least have some sort of rest period and a shower before getting into the details.

"I don't know…It just happened. I wanted it, he told me he didn't want to hurt me, I cried, he caved, it happened." Leah's mouth was hanging open and Bella wasn't really sure why. What had been so shocking about it? she already knew these things didn't she?

"Paul was the one that was holding out? Well that's…weird." Leah sat there for a few moments before saying anything again. "I knew it. I knew that fucker was hiding something." Bella was confused now, Leah wasn't upset but she did sound a little too smug about knowing something that she obviously didn't.

"We all wanted to know why Paul wanted to quit the pack, why he wanted to stop phasing but he kept saying it was no one's business or that it was because he wanted his choices back or some shit about not imprinting, but come on Bella I don't want to have to draw you a diagram here…the guy is obviously in love with you." Bella blinked a few times, she didn't think that was it at all. Of course Paul wanted to be normal, that's why he didn't want to phase anymore, so he could have some control of his life, she wouldn't believe that he did it for her, she wanted to do but she couldn't.

"He is not in love with me…" Leah cut her off before she could say anything else.

"Of course he is and you're in love with him, you're both clearly just too stubborn to admit it to each other, it really is a good thing you've got me around, you know that right?" Bella was thinking about Paul being in love with her when he and Jacob walked back in the door. Leah sprang up and started dragging Jacob to the door.

"Well we're going now. Sorry we interrupted earlier, I'll call you later Bella." She thought she heard Jacob trying to protest but Leah shut the door too quickly to be sure. It wouldn't have surprised her if she was outside listening. Bella worried about Leah sometimes, she was still the same outspoken and tough Leah but she had started to become overly involved in everyone else's lives since she stopped phasing, it was probably out of boredom but Bella still thought it was strange…for Leah. She shook her head and turned around, Paul was watching her.

Now that the idea of him loving her was in her head she couldn't seem to shake it. It was what she wanted more than anything else and she refused to think about it for so long that it was flooding and drowning out everything else.

The fears she had of losing him, of him not loving her the way she did him, seemed to disappear when she really looked at him. If she had looked sooner she would have realized that she had nothing to worry about, nothing to fear. Of course he loved her and she knew that he wasn't going anywhere.

**A/N: Okay so Edward made a very brief appearance, it was so quick you might have missed it. I didn't want to put him in here at all because he was never really a part of this story and I only wanted to show you all how much Bella has grown and how much has changed for her. I also wanted more of her relationship with Paul (yay) I love Bella & Paul together by the way. The proposal you see in Eclipse at the end…that didn't happen here. Okay anyway sorry these chapters are taking me forever…life is full of distractions but I am definitely finishing this up. Only a few chapters left!**

**Thank you for all of your reviews throughout this story, I know I'm no good at responding but I do read them all and they are fantastic! Thank you for adding this to your favorites and story alert, I cant tell you how encouraging that is…actually I can, it is very encouraging.**

**As always thank you for reading :)**


	17. Chapter 17

_Moving along_

_Jacob_

Time changed everything once, twice, so many times that Jacob decided to stop counting. What was the point in keeping track of the past when there was a future to worry about? He held his breath until every doctors appointment had passed certain that things were too good to be true and that at any moment something was bound to come crashing down. It wasn't until Bella pulled him aside and forced him to look around himself, everything had already been in ruins, now they were simply rebuilding, that he really relaxed. As stubborn as Jacob was he knew that she was right.

The first four months had been rough on Leah and him. Of course he didn't complain, she was the one going through the rougher parts but it didn't mean he wasn't constantly stressed. Worrying about Leah and their baby was the first thing he did when he woke up and the last thing he did before he went to bed, he was in what seemed to be a constant state of stress, and if he wasn't then he was acting as her servant/punching bag, it was in its own way an escape.

Paul shook his head at him behind Leah and Bella's backs, he would make comments about what a pussy Jacob was becoming but he didn't let it get to him, at the rate he was going with Bella, Jacob was sure Paul would be in the same place in the very near future, he had that to look forward to but for now he kept his remarks to himself.

Leah had been a little bit demanding but that wasn't anything new, she had weird cravings and her hours were completely out of whack, she slept all day and pestered him when he tried to sleep at night. After she was officially in her second trimester Jacob decided he needed a job, there was no way he was going to be able to support his family on table scraps, he was lucky that his dad was there to pull a few strings, there weren't many options, he could fish or work construction and since fishing meant leaving Leah for longer than a few hours, he took up a job working construction. It was more like clean up for the first few months, he might have been an alpha of his pack and a-soon-to-be chief but it didn't mean he didn't have to earn his keep, he had to work his way up like everyone else. The money wasn't bad but between that and still running the occasional patrol with the remaining members of the pack, Jacob was left completely drained at the end of every day.

Leah's soft and steady breathing had slowed, she sat up quickly, too quickly rubbing her sides. Jacob didn't want to wake her up when he got back, he had so much on his mind lately that he had a hard time focusing on any one thing in particular, she had been throwing baby names at him and talking about setting up the crib in the spare room. Neither of them had their own place and for the time being they were staying at his dads house because he had the extra room. He watched her while she stretched and groaned in frustration, it was hard for him to see her so uncomfortable and not be able to do a damn thing about it.

"What time did you get in?" She was still rubbing her sides and looking very much in pain. Her belly had really popped out after she reached six months, she was becoming much more uncomfortable and Jacob hated that there wasn't a lot he could do for her.

"I got home about an hour ago, didn't want to wake you up…you looked comfortable." The small smile on her lips made him glad he didn't wake her up sooner. Leah stood up and walked over to sit down on his lap, he was exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally but having his whole world right there in his arms, safe and happy, well mostly happy, made it all worth it.

"How's my little sweet pea today?" He asked while patting her stomach. Leah rolled her eyes at him, she was quiet for a moment resting her hand on his.

"Your little 'sweet pea' has learned where my ribs are today and I'm pretty sure my bladder has become a punching bag but the good news is I didn't throw up once today." Jacob laughed and held her a little tighter.

"That _is_ good news, we should celebrate wanna go grab something to eat?" Leah stood up as gracefully as her body would allow, Jacob tried not to laugh, she would kill him if he laughed. It wasn't funny, he just thought she was just cute and he doubted she would take that as a compliment.

"You better not be laughing at me Black, I might be big and awkward but that doesn't mean I cant still kick your ass." Jacob had to laugh at that. Leah turned around to glare at him but he didn't give her a chance he had his arms wrapped around her and his lips on hers before she could say or do anything. He pulled away to look at her, she was still as beautiful as she had always been, her hair hung just below her shoulders now and he was positive that her skin was lighter in color and cooler, things that had changed when she stopped phasing and probably had to do with the pregnancy. She kissed him again before going to get changed.

As they were driving in to Forks, the only place with something close to a restaurant that wasn't hours away Leah pulled out her phone and made him turn around.

"Bella said she needed to talk to us about something, maybe we should go there before dinner." He was tired, hungry and really not in the mood to see Paul before he ate. He and Bella were fine now but Paul still managed to irritate Jacob, even without having to share his thoughts he was a pain in the ass, well, some of the time.

"I haven't eaten since lunch and I'm sure it can wait until we're done." He needed to at least have a bit of fuel in him before being forced to sit around for hours, it wasn't that he didn't like visiting them, he was just a lot more irritable these days. Leah sighed but nodded anyway.

They ate in silence, he thought that Leah was probably mad at him for not getting her way but he figured it was only once every couple weeks it happened and she would get over it. He paid for their meal and they got into the car, he felt a bit better but he knew that this was no where close to being finished. The drive to Bella's was quiet and for once it didn't bother him, she struggled a bit getting out of the car and he pressed his lips together, she didn't need another reason to be pissed with him.

Bella answered the door looking flustered as always when they showed up, it was usually unannounced but this time they had the decency to call before, Jacob was going to guess that she had been busy with Paul and they had cock blocked him once again, they seemed to do that a lot. Jacob thought it was hilarious and since Paul no longer exploded into a giant wolf when he was angry, it was even funnier to watch him narrow his eyes and try to appear intimidating.

"Hey we weren't expecting you guys for at least…" Bella looked at the clock before turning back to Leah and blushing. "Oh…well, come in, come in." Jacob laughed at her embarrassment, it was obvious that whatever she and Paul were doing, they had gotten carried away. Leah shooed Jacob in before her and she and Bella walked into the kitchen, leaving him with Paul, who looked a little weird. He sat down on the couch, while Paul sat in the arm chair. They were quiet for a few minutes before Paul finally spoke up.

"So Bella's going to school in the fall…" Jacob sat there silently absorbing that information. He looked at Paul and realized why he looked weird, he was freaking out and Jacob had no idea why. It wasn't like he couldn't pick up and leave with her, unless she didn't want him to, but that wasn't going to happen, even if she told Paul to stay put, everyone knew he'd follow her, it was just the way their strange relationship worked.

"Oh. Where?" It occurred to Jacob that Leah was probably going to be a little upset over this news, sure she would be happy for Bella but they had become really good friends, maybe even best friends over the past year and she was definitely going to hurt over it, at least a little bit. Paul was quiet for too long, Jacob wondered if they were moving across the country or something.

"Vancouver, she got accepted at UBC." Jacob nodded and then looked at Paul.

"So why don't you look happy for her? Come on man, your girls in school, it gets you away from this place, cant be that bad."

"I am happy for her. I just don't know if I can leave here yet." Jacob raised an eyebrow at Paul, he could not be serious. Why wouldn't he want to leave? He thought that was one of the reasons he quit the pack, was to have the freedom, what good was freedom if you never used it?

"It not like its forever, I cant imagine Bella wanting to stay away from here that long. I'm sure you'll both be back for holidays and whatever. It'll all be here when you get back man." Paul nodded his head, Jacob could tell just how hard it was for him.

"Yea. Well anyway Bella figured since I'm not using my old place, that maybe you and Leah could take over…if you want. I know it needs a shit load of work but there's enough room there for you two and the baby. I can help you fix it up." Jacob was pretty sure his mouth was hanging open, and his eyeballs were probably bulging out of their sockets from shock. He quickly pulled himself together and nodded, it was the nicest thing Paul, no scratch that, anyone had done for them and he wasn't about to refuse that offer.

"Yea man, that would be…" If there was a moment that Paul could have torn him down and held over his head forever this would have been it. He was a bit overwhelmed but Paul didn't say anything, didn't laugh at him or call him a pussy he just nodded in understanding. It was then that Jacob understood just how much the pack, his brothers had cared for each other. Bella walked in and sat down on the arm rest beside Paul, Leah wasn't far behind, Jacob noticed that their eyes were glassy, he pulled Leah into his lap.

"I already told him." Bella wiped her eyes and nodded before turning to Leah.

"Paul and Jake are going to be fixing up his old place for you two, it'll be done before baby bean arrives." Leah didn't even try to hide her sobs and sniffles. Her body shook and Jacob did his best to comfort her, it was easier for him to hold it together when she was around. They sat there silently while Bella and Leah cried, at some point they ended up comforting each other as he and Paul watched on, they both knew that it was going to be tough on all of them. Bella had become a part of their family as reluctant as Jacob had been at first, he was glad that she was there, it was strange for him to think about her as anything but a member of their dysfunctional family, she fit in perfectly.

At some point they got up to leave thanking both Bella and Paul for everything, it was late and Jacob was even more exhausted after this emotional bump in the road.

"Are you okay?" He asked Leah as they were driving back to his dad's house. She nodded but remained silent, no longer angry but she was upset. It wasn't until they got home and into bed that she finally said something.

"I'm going to miss her Jake." Their room was dark but he knew she was crying, he could smell her tears, he shifted so he could hold her.

"I know." He rubbed her back and did his best to sooth her. It wasn't long before Leah's breathing evened out, she had fallen asleep. Jacob laid there thinking about missing Bella, he knew the feeling but it was something so foreign now, of course he would miss her because she was such a big part of their life, he'd miss Paul too but he knew that they would be back, it might not happen for a few years but eventually Bella would return to the place her father called home, they were all in each others lives for a reason, he wasn't so sure what that reason was yet but he knew it meant something.

**A/N:**

** My apologies on this slightly late update. I have no excuses, except well, life is always in my way, kids, school and a bunch of other things(I watch hockey and its the playoffs lol) but I am going to try get the next chapter up as quickly as possible and hopefully have this wrapped up by next week(fingers crossed)**

**thank you for reading :)  
**


	18. Chapter 18

**(extra long chapter with both Bella and Jacob's POV'S)**

_Arrivals  
_

_Bella_

There was so much for her to leave behind, just thinking about it made it difficult for Bella to breathe. Over the past year she had really found a family in La Push. Sue had continued to be a strong and supportive presence in her life, it was obvious where Leah had inherited her loyalty and strength, the Clearwater family had welcomed her into their home when they didn't have to and even more than that, they made sure she could stand on her own two feet and for that she would always be grateful, for that she would always love them like they were her own family.

Sue had always been kind to Bella, always made sure she knew that she was cared for and loved. It hurt her for a while to know that her own mother had never shown her the love that Sue did, but she got over it. When Sue told her to call her mom she cried, she would never not love Rene but she knew that their lives were very separate and the one phone call a week was more routine than it was anything else. Sue was the mother she wished she had, the kind of woman that her father would have loved, she was in many ways her mother and Bella was more than happy to call her mom.

The love she felt for Seth was simple, he had been the sweet little brother she always wished she had. There wasn't anyone he didn't respect and Bella admired that. Being kind and accepting without being a complete pushover, for anyone other than Leah, was who Seth was. When Bella was at her worst he reached out for her, he made sure to include her as his sister and she would always have a soft spot for him. It was ridiculous the need she had to protect him, he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself but like the big sister he wanted her to be, she did anyway. Leah would laugh at her for it, but she knew that they had come to a silent understanding when it came to him, any girl who dared to hurt him, would have to answer to both of them and Bella was positive that even without super human strength she'd be the one sister to worry about.

Leah was in so many ways the sister she never had, she didn't hold back, when Bella needed a lesson in life, she did not miss the opportunity to nudge her in the right direction. They had a relationship which was untouchable, until Leah the only friends Bella really had were gone, or hated her. It hadn't taken much effort for either of them, they didn't have to worry about stepping on the others toes, they fit perfectly in each others lives and Bella was sad to have to leave her behind. Leah had been there for her when she didn't have to be, she helped her dig up the buried pieces of herself. The confidence and strength she had now was thanks to the woman who had shown her exactly what she was missing out on in life.

Bella smiled to herself as she organized Leah and Jacob's new kitchen. Paul, Jacob, Jared and Quil were busy working on the yard while Embry and Seth painted the third bedroom. Leah was due in a few weeks and Bella would be leaving in a few months, she knew that seeing the baby would make it even more difficult to leave but every part of her knew that she would be back, this was her home.

"Jesus, we've been out there busting our asses for an hour and you're still in here and is that the same fucking box of dishes!" Paul's loud footsteps were a lot harder to miss these days, but somehow she hadn't heard him walk in. He was scowling at her, she did her best to ignore his comment but he knew just how to bait her.

"Shut up. I had to wipe down the insides of the cupboards, which you somehow missed. And you know what, I don't have to explain anything to you. I've organized every room in this house…" Paul shut her up with a kiss before lifting her up on the counter, he might not have werewolf strength but he was still able to pick her up like she was nothing and she was always happy to let him.

It wasn't long before they were interrupted.

"Dear god, is there ever going to be a day I wont walk in on you two?" Jacob walked in dramatically shielding his eyes and Bella had to roll her own, it was always him or Leah interrupting a moment between her and Paul. Of course she wasn't going to strip him down in Leah's kitchen, she wanted to live to see the baby arrive, but that didn't mean she didn't want to enjoy a quiet moment of passion with her boyfriend.

"I'm starting to think that you and your woman get off seeing me and Bella in action." Bella smacked the back of Paul's head before jumping off the counter top. Jacob laughed and gave him a rough pat on the back, it was funny to watch the way they interacted now that Paul, Jared and Quil had stopped phasing. They were all still strong, probably stronger than most human's but no longer as strong as they once were. Paul flinched at the contact which made Jacob laugh harder.

"Don't flatter yourself Paul, I've got everything Leah needs to get off…" Bella shuddered before cutting him off and then kicking them both out of the kitchen.

"I really don't want to know what it is that turns my best friend on. Now if you both would get out of here I can finally finish-" She looked at Paul before continuing. "-putting away the same fucking dishes and move onto the next box already."

"Jeez Bells I hope you clean up that mouth of yours before my daughter is born, I don't want to have to pull out the ear muffs whenever you come over." Jacob and Paul laughed as they walked out of the kitchen. Bella shook her head, she had missed this part of Jacob and was glad that they could leave their drama behind them and continue where they left off, without all the awkward feelings.

After everything was done and the house had been aired out to Jacob's satisfaction, he wanted to be sure there were no fumes to harm Leah or their baby, they finally moved in. The small house warming party that Bella, Sue and Kim had thrown was quiet and perfect. Everyone had a chance to catch up and they even had a chance to meet Quil's newest girlfriend, she had a tiny waist and big tits, there was nothing more to her than that. Bella did her best to ignore the fact that she had been flirting with every male in the room. Leah on the other hand, did not. After she watched as Jacob politely turned down her advances, several times, she snapped.

"I don't know who the fuck you think you are little girl but this is my house and that man that you're trying to push your tits on, he's mine." Bella almost lost it there, the girl tried to remain confident but Leah had the ability to tear down anyone's ego and this was no different. Paul was the first one to start laughing, Quil apologized to Leah before taking the girl home, Bella shook her head as he walked out the door. His life had sort of fallen apart after he broke his imprint with Claire and he was slowly putting it back together, that didn't stop him from living it, or sleeping with every and any girl he could, which at this point seemed to be all of them, well, the ones who weren't related to him. Jacob had been beaming with pride at Leah's words and she was looking suddenly uncomfortable.

"You okay sweetie?" Sue asked as she led Leah to a chair for her to sit on. Leah nodded her head but remained quiet. Bella and Kim cleaned up while Leah quietly watched on, it was about an hour later that Bella finally realized what was happening. Leah had been calm, and almost too still, but she noticed that there was definitely something up, she watched as Leah winced in pain again, it was clear what was happening.

"Oh my god Leah are you in Labour?" Leah nodded her head she had her eyes shut tightly and her bottom lip was bleeding from her biting down on it. It took her a moment to speak. Seth had been standing close enough to hear what was going on, he walked in with a huge smile on his face which only seemed to irritate Leah.

"I love you very much little brother but if you don't wipe that smile from your face you wont live to see your niece or nephew." Leah spoke through gritted teeth while her hands gripped the seat of her chair. Seth pressed his lips together, he knew that Leah was being Leah and normally he would have only smiled harder but he didn't want to upset her, especially when she was clearly in too much pain already.

Bella didn't waste any time, she had Sue and Jacob in the kitchen, while she called the doctor. Kim kicked everyone else out of the house while they prepared for a home birth, Bella was glad that Leah was insane and made them go through this drill a thousand times, at least they were prepared and calm, the only one who seemed to be panicking was Jacob.

"Calm down Jake, she's going to be fine. The doctor's on his way and everything is ready to go." Bella had been timing Leah's contractions which were quickly becoming more intense as the minutes ticked by. None of them were sure what to expect when it came to this birth, Leah had joked that she would give birth to a pup and they all laughed about it but they knew that it had been one of her worst fears. Jacob nodded his head while taking deep breaths. Bella continued to run around finding ways to organize things and find ways to make Leah as comfortable as possible, it was too hard for her to remain still, she needed to move so she wouldn't start freaking out the way Jacob was.

"Maybe you should sit down a few minutes Swan, you're wearing me out running around like that." Leah had been quiet, it was obvious that she was in a lot of pain but she was still Leah and she didn't complain or whine about it, she simply closed her eyes and breathed through every contraction. Bella smiled as she sat down beside her friend.

"Sorry, I just want to make sure everything else is done, I know you're going to be busy around here after she…or he is born." Leah let out a laugh before closing her eyes again.

"You're still going to be here for a few months, I expect you to be here at least every other day until you leave. You're not getting off that easily." Bella wiped the tears that were slipping, she didn't want to take away from this moment but the thought of leaving was just too much. Leah smiled before grabbing her hand and gently giving it a squeeze.

"Hey now, I know you're going to come back whenever you get the chance. Its not forever Bella. This is your home right? We're you're family and we'll always be here, and if I have to come up to Vancouver and drag your ass back home, well, I'm willing to do that. Its not forever, besides this baby is going to need a crazy aunt to turn to, whenever his or her crazy mother becomes too much to deal with." Bella nodded and smiled, wiping at her face again. The choice to go wasn't easy but she'd be able to leave knowing that her family would be here to welcome her back with open arms again. That part made it not so painful to think about. Leah was having another contraction and Bella knew it would be a long road ahead for all of them, but it would all be worth it.

_Jacob _

Watching the woman he loved go through so much pain and not be able to do a single thing about it, was killing him. Every time Leah closed her eyes and gripped his arm or the bed, he'd feel that stab of guilt, of course he was glad she was bringing their baby into the world but he felt bad that she was the one who had to endure all the pain. Bella was the one to calm them both down, even if he knew that she was freaking out inside, she was doing a much better job at hiding that panic than he was. The doctor finally showed up just as Leah felt the urge to push, Jacob wanted to tear the head off his shoulders for not getting there sooner but he knew that Leah would probably kill him so he didn't.

"Alright it looks like you're ready to have this baby, the next contraction I want you to focus on just pushing." Jacob turned around and looked at Leah, Bella was on her other side holding her hand and while Sue was sitting there watching on as her daughter prepared to give birth to her own child, her grandchild. Jacob took his place at Leah's side.

Every time Leah pushed Jacob would hold his breath. Her strength is what kept him standing there conscious, he was aware of everything around him when their daughter was finally born. The tears that were streaming down Leah's face as their baby let out her first cry. The grip she had on his hand until the doctor had him cut the cord. The look of absolute pride and joy on Sue and Bella's faces as they wiped away their own tears.

He didn't need to concentrate to hear his daughters heartbeat, the sound was all he could hear, her cries were soft and he promised himself that he would do everything he possibly could to protect her, to make sure that her cries would never be cries of pain or suffering, he would do everything he could to shield her from the part of the world that caused heart ache, of course he knew he couldn't stop her from living her life but he would always protect her when she needed it, he would always love her. When Sue wrapped her up and put the tiny bundle in his arms he melted. Her beautiful eyes were dark like his and her tiny lips and nose were Leah's, he wondered how he lived so long without her in his life, how he thought he had everything when this baby girl in his arms was his everything, their everything.

It took him a few moments to look away from her but when he did he thanked Leah and told her he loved her, she gave him a daughter, she gave him a family and she gave him hope, she gave him everything and there was no way that he could thank her enough but he was determined to spend the rest of his life trying.

They had gone though every name of every name book they could find but none of them seemed right for her. It was Seth who gave them the idea after he commented on her black hair looking like raven feathers. Raven Sarah Black. She was two weeks and five days early but was perfectly healthy and Jacob thought she was simply perfect. Beautiful like her mother and everything Jacob didn't know he wanted or needed in this world. Bella hadn't left Leah's side until Jacob forced her to go home and sleep for a bit, Leah would be fine and so would their daughter.

Jacob couldn't sleep properly for the first few nights, he would wake up to check on their daughter, to make sure she was real and that she was still breathing. Seth had been over every single day, Leah hadn't even pretended to be annoyed with him like she normally did. The proud smile that lit up his face when he held his niece stopped her and it didn't hurt that he was willing to jump and help them out whenever they needed, if he wanted to spend all of his free time on diaper duty who were they to stop him?

"I'm gonna quit phasing now." Seth had been quietly holding Raven while Leah was asleep upstairs in their room. Jacob looked at Seth and nodded.

"Embry is talking about it too. I don't want to watch everyone else get older and now that she's here..." He smiled down at the sleeping baby in his arms. "I don't want to not be here for her and I know that she needs you more than we do. It just seems like the right thing to do." Seth had grown up so much over the last year, they all had, tragedy could do that. Jacob nodded again.

"You sure about this Seth? I don't want you to do something you're not sure about." Seth looked at Raven and smiled before looking at Jacob.

"Yup. Never been more sure of anything in my life. We're always going to be brothers, all of us. We don't need to turn into a mountain of fur to know that. Raven's going to need us and if we want to keep a lid on things we're going to have to age like everyone else. It'll be weird though, to not be able to hear and smell everything but it'll be nice not to have you guys knowing whats going through my mind...yea that part I don't think I'll miss." Jacob chuckled, it had been different not hearing the thoughts of Jared, Paul, Quil or Leah over the past few months, it definitely wasn't a bad thing but it took a lot of getting used to. They talked a bit about Seth's plans for the future, about what everyone else was going to be doing, Raven started crying and Seth was quick to jump up and sooth her, it was incredible the hold this tiny girl had on all of them. Even Paul had held her and turned into a big pile of baby talking mush.

Leah had come downstairs looking a lot better, she was getting less sleep than Jacob, he watched her as she fussed over making sure Raven was okay. He had to bribe her to take a break and get some rest, he was now officially responsible for cleaning the bathroom and dishes for three months, which he could deal with as long as Leah was getting some sleep and Raven was fine a few dishes didn't seem so bad.

"Bella's coming over, she's got food and something for baby." She sat down beside Jacob and they watched as Seth calmed down their daughter.

"Seth I hope you know you're not allowed to leave until she's potty trained. And I expect you to be here when she starts teething." He stopped to smile at Leah, Jacob wished his own family cared as much about his daughter as Seth and Sue did. Of course his dad cared, he was always over and he knew that Raven would be spoiled rotten as long as Billy was around. It was his sisters, they had called him to congratulate him and Leah but neither of them bothered to come home to see her, it was something he should have accepted but he couldn't. Billy was upset with them and they just didn't seem to care, Jacob shook his head, he knew that he did have a family, the pack, and maybe they didn't share parents but they were still there for him.

Bella and Paul showed up right after Seth finally got up to leave. Jacob was thankful that Bella had been there for them, she made sure Leah was eating and sleeping properly when he wasn't around.

"We were in PA yesterday and I found this." Bella held up a tiny silver bracelet. "It's got a raven and wolf design and well...its perfect for her. I know she's too small to wear it now but when she's older..." Leah turned it over in her hands as Jacob held onto their daughter, it was perfect.

"Its beautiful, thank you Bella." Leah spoke with tears in her eyes, she was still emotional, Jacob would catch her crying about a lot of things, Bella smiled and nodded.

They sat down and ate together and Jacob knew that it was going to be hard to see Bella leave, even harder now that she had become such a big part of their lives. He knew she was struggling with the idea as well, she was emotional every time she walked in or left their house.

The weeks seemed to be flying by and he decided he needed to talk to Bella before she left. They met at the beach and sat in silence for a few moments before he said anything.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you Bells. I'm sorry I blamed you for Sam's death and I'm sorry I didn't tell you this sooner." She smiled and he continued. "I know your dad would be proud of you. You're doing the right thing you know. We'll miss having you around all the time but it'll be good for you to get out of here for a bit." Bella bit her lip the way she always did and then she started sobbing, he held her while she cried and did his best to show her that he was sorry. They were friends again and he knew it had been childish of him to blame her for everything the way he did, for them to move forward he needed to let go of the past.

"I'm sorry too Jake. I know that I was selfish and stupid for so long when Edward was around. I'm ashamed of the things I was willing to give up for him, I was even willing to give you up and that's something I know I'll have to live with. I'm glad you found Leah, I know that you two will take care of each other and I'm just happy that you're happy." Jacob hugged her and was glad that they could finally move on from this.

**A/N: **

**God this chapter was my favorite one to write so far. **

**I hope you enjoyed it and I'm a bit sad because its almost over.**

**As always thank you for reading :)**


	19. Chapter 19

**(I've decided to use both Bella and Jacob's POV again)**

_Departures._

**_Jacob. _**

Two months went by too quickly for his liking. Raven was holding her head up on her own now and she was so much more aware of her surroundings, she paid attention to his voice and watched him carefully when he spoke and held her, she was always alert and he could swear that she smiled at him once. Leah told him it was probably gas but he was positive his little girl smiled at him, most of the time he spent with her he thought he probably looked like a babbling idiot but he didn't care, as long as she was happy then so was he and really nothing else mattered.

Smiling to himself he thought of how completely powerless he was when it came to his daughter and to Leah. No longer an alpha of a pack but a father and practically husband, they would be married when he had enough money put away and if she actually said yes when he proposed, he had his doubts but he had time to get over that. After Seth and Embry quit phasing there was no longer a need for him to lead, he would still step up as a chief when he had to but there was no longer a reason for him to phase, he had a family to take care of and that came above everything else on his list of priorities.

Jacob was finishing up at work and driving over to Bella's to pick up Leah and Raven. They had started packing up the house a week ago and he was proud of the guys and Leah for continuing to work like a pack, without hesitation each of them helped out, they were still a family and he knew that even if they were no longer tied together, they would always be a part of each others lives.

As he pulled up to the house Jacob thought about how empty this space would be without them there, Jared and Kim were planning to stay at the house on weekends and everyone else would take turns checking in, he hoped that the people of Forks were used to a bunch of people from La Push coming and going to the Swan residence by now, the last thing they needed was to be arrested for house sitting. Bella didn't want to sell the house since she definitely planned to return and she refused to let anyone besides them stay there, it made sense, she would need a place to stay when they came back for the holidays and breaks, he could understand that.

Paul was sitting in the living room holding the very adorable sleeping Raven when Jacob walked in the house, he had to hand it to him, to all of them, they would each bend over backwards to make sure Raven was protected and they went out of their way to make sure she was happy, it never stopped amazing him the bond that they had formed over the past few years. They could and would make friends outside of the pack but they could still rely on each other for support when they needed it, perhaps transforming into giant wolves had more positive points than they thought.

"They're in the kitchen." Jacob nodded at Paul before flopping down beside him, the long day he had finally catching up with him, he rubbed his face and tried to reach for his daughter. Paul just chuckled and shook his head. He looked at the man holding his daughter like he was insane. He was insane but refusing him his own child? That was a bit much, even for Paul.

"I'm not stupid enough to hand her over to you when I know you haven't even washed your hands. Leah would kill you and then she'd convince Bella to kill me." Jacob laughed, shaking his head, wondering how one tiny little person could have him and everyone else so tightly wrapped around her little finger, then again Leah was her mother...

Of course he got up and went to the kitchen to wash his hands, Leah and Bella were sitting there talking quietly. Leah looked up at him and quirked an eyebrow.

"Paul wont let me hold our daughter until I've washed my hands." She stood up and kissed him before looking down at his hands and then pushing him over to the sink.

"Well I'm glad he's learning something." Leah looked at Bella then back to him before continuing. "Finally." They both laughed as Jacob shook his head and walked back to the living room where his daughter was, the women in his life would always confuse the hell out him and he did his best not to think about what it would be like when Raven turned into one of those women.

"Leah approves now give me my daughter." Paul handed her over, the cocky grin on his face made him roll his eyes. He was getting used to this version of Paul but there were still traces of his old self there, it was a good thing, he and Bella would still keep each other on their toes and that was something he was sure they both needed. Raven must have sensed him, that or Paul's loud laugh, because she was awake and squirming in his arms, he patted and rubbed her back until she went back to sleep while Paul glanced between him and the tv.

"Bella said she doesn't know if she wants to have kids." Jacob turned his head to look at Paul. The look on his face made him feel bad and slightly uncomfortable it was rare to see Paul so...vulnerable. He remained quiet for a moment not really sure how to respond. He thought that Bella wanted kids, wasn't that what her and Leah were always talking about when she held and cooed at Raven? Didn't they talk about their kids playing together? He was positive she'd mentioned it at some point.

"She's probably just freaked out. Leah says she doesn't want any more kids, I mean after all the hours of painful labour and shit. Maybe shes just worried about having a kid with a head as big as yours." Paul laughed before rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it Paul, she needs to focus on getting through school before worrying about popping out a litter for you." Paul smiled and nodded, turning back to the tv. Jacob knew it was hard for him, it was shitty how they all had to grow up so fast. Guys their age shouldn't be worrying about kids and marriage and their future but they were and that was just a part of growing up for them, the choices were theirs now but for some reason they felt like they had to make those choices a lot sooner than they should. It really fucked them up. He stood up and handed his daughter back to Paul, the smile that tugged on his lips when he held her made Jacob feel a bit better, Paul and Bella could worry about kids later, for now they had time to enjoy their own lives. Bella walked into the room and stared at her boyfriend holding Raven and Jacob knew _that_ look in her eyes, whatever she was telling Paul about not wanting kids was definitely bullshit and he'd bet on anything that they'd end up with a great big family ten years from now, this conversation with Paul would be long forgotten.

They were finally headed home after what felt to Jacob like decades rather than hours, he was exhausted and just wanted to relax. The drive back was quiet and it reminded him that the big move was only days away. Paul and Bella were leaving and things would be different but that wouldn't be a bad thing. It wasn't like it was the end of the world but he knew that change was difficult sometimes. Even in their world where nothing could ever be the same, where things would always change, it was still sometimes hard to accept.

After laying their daughter down to sleep, Leah crawled into bed beside him, the exhaustion he felt earlier on seemed to disappear the closer she moved her body to his. The tiny smile that lit up her whole face was playful, their quieter moments were harder to come by these days and he was going to enjoy every moment he had alone with her. Jacob rolled over and hovered just above her placing small kisses from her temple down along her jaw and finally her lips. The heat that he felt the first time he kissed her was still there, the smile on her lips never leaving. He tried not to think about how long it had been since the last time he held her and kissed her like this...

The moment was short lived as Raven cried from the room across the hall.

"Of course." Leah said before she kissed him as she practically jumped off the bed to get to their daughter. There would be lots of 'moments' in the future and he knew that Leah was as tired as he was, he didn't need to be in her head to know just what went on her day. Being a parent was hard work and he felt bad that she handled almost all of the responsibilities while he worked, he got up to check on them and Leah shooed him out of the room and back to bed, he was far too tired to argue and it wasn't like he'd win anyway, he dragged his feet back to their bed and eventually went to sleep.

How was it possible for the days to crawl and fly by at the same time? It seemed to Jacob that when it came to his daughter there was never enough time and when it came to everything else the time seemed to drag by. Work days were long, the days of helping Paul and Bella pack seemed even longer. It made him wonder how two nineteen year old people accumulated so much junk. Of course they both held onto their parents things, Charlie's belongings were stored away in totes and bags in the attic. Paul's mothers things had been organized and stored away in their attic by Leah before they moved in. Everything else they owned seemed to be things that neither could let go of. Jacob looked down at the box of comic books and hockey cards, he shook his head, in all the time he knew Paul he had no idea the guy liked either of those things, really Paul liked hockey? There were stacks of Bella's cds sitting next to it and Jacob had to laugh at that, the girl had held onto every cd she had ever owned.

"Jesus christ Bells, ever hear of an ipod? They're these nifty little things that you can put all of your music on…" Bella rolled her eyes before punching him in the arm, he pretended to wince for her sake, she smiled proudly at herself for being able to inflict even a small amount of pain on him.

"Yea yea, you're so hilarious. Maybe I'll leave some of these behind for Leah to put on yours. Some classical, some jazz and of course some Britney Spears, she never gets old." Jacob rubbed his arm, smiling.

"Britney Spears…really?" They both laughed and Bella eventually got up to get back to packing up her collection of books or whatever the hell else she had left to pack.

The people in his life were finally living their own lives, without having to worry about all the bullshit. They would of course have their own struggles and real life drama but that was a part of life and he was pretty sure they could all agree that money and family problems were welcome issues, anything was welcome after dealing with the supernatural drama that they had faced before, he gave his head a shake before getting back to work, after all, this junk wouldn't pack itself.

**Bella**

Saying goodbye was not so simple when she was leaving the ones she cared about the most but Bella knew it was better than having to say goodbye forever, this goodbye wasn't forever. After watching Paul say his goodbyes Bella became choked up and did her best not to cry but ended up sobbing, it wouldn't be right to not make an entire room uncomfortable before she left. Sue held her, she didn't need to say anything and her comfort was enough. Bella shook her head and wiped away the tears, it wasn't supposed to be this dramatic exit but of course with her it was, when wasn't something in her life turned into a giant production?

They would be back but that didn't stop the anxiety or dissolve the fear that crept up on her when she looked around the room, all she could do was remember this exactly the way it was because she knew the possibilities, they wouldn't all be in the same place when she returned and she wanted to hold onto this particular moment for as long as she could.

Jared and Kim were planning to move sometime in the next few years, she wanted to get back into school and he would of course go wherever she went, they were the only imprinted couple left, remnants of a magic that would only return when and if vampires ever returned. What brought them together and made their bond stronger, he could never leave her but it was obvious that he didn't want to. It turns out imprinting was a choice, sort of, and he chose her, he chose not to fight the imprint. This was something that he believed was meant to be, she was his choice. Jared was Paul's best friend, his brother, even before they became a pack they were brothers and Bella promised him that she would look after him, she would take care of him. The guilt weighed her down a little heavier than usual when she thought of taking Paul away from Jared, from all of them, they were a family and it was probably going to be hard for him to be so far away from all of them but she promised that she would be there for him and it was a promise she intended to keep.

Watching Quil, who was actually single for the first time in weeks, smiling and play fighting with Embry and Jacob made her feel a little lighter, they were happier and of course things would be difficult but there was something normal about their lives now. Quil was settling down a little bit and although she could still see the lost look in his eyes from time to time, he looked better, she hoped that he would find a woman he could love and move on when he was ready, it was a long road for him, for all of them, one she hoped they could make it through without too many more bumps. He told her to be careful and to give him a call if Paul fucked up, which got a laugh, from everyone but Paul, it was how Quil worked, his default mode was 'smooth-talking', even if she didn't think he was very smooth, the fact that he did care was enough for her.

Having to say goodbye to Seth and Sue wasn't as difficult as she thought it would be, she could bet that Sue would call, text and email her whenever she could and Seth hadn't stopped talking about coming to visit them in Vancouver, in fact he promised that as soon as he could get his hands on a car he would head up and he was probably going to drag Embry along, that is if Embry's girlfriend was okay with that arrangement.

It wasn't that she or anyone expected Embry to stay single forever, they just assumed he'd be happy dating for as long as he could, sort of like Quil. That certainly wasn't the case when he met his girlfriend, it wasn't like he planned on marrying her but he was happy in the moment and Bella was glad to see the smile on his face where it so clearly belonged.

"Good lord Swan, this is the longest goodbye in the history of goodbyes. You're starting to annoy me, we all know you're coming back so you better get the hell out of here already." Leah was standing in front of her with a pretty smile on her face, it made Bella even more sad to leave but she smiled back at her friend.

"Alright, Alright we're leaving, no need to get your panties in a twist Clearwater." Leah's mouth fell open before she barked out a laugh, Jacob was behind her, their daughter in his arms, a blinding smile on his face. Leah stepped forward and pulled Bella into her arms and spoke quietly enough for only her ears.

"I'm going to miss you Swan." Her voice had cracked a tiny bit and Bella knew that she was crying too. Thankful for everything that Leah had done for her, Bella held Leah a little tighter, she didn't trust herself to speak right away without breaking down completely, one outburst at time was her limit and she had already used her one for today.

"I'll miss you too Leah." The room was quiet and when they finally let go of each other the only people still left were Jacob, Raven and Paul. Bella chuckled, leave it to her to clear a room. Jacob handed Raven to Paul and hugged Bella.

"Take care of yourself." Those few words meant so much coming from him. He knew that she was capable of taking care of herself now. The helpless Bella that he brought back to life too many times to count was stronger now, even if she ended up alone, she could handle it. Bella took a breath before letting him go...

"You take care of them...and yourself too." Bella knew that Leah could take care of herself but she knew that sometimes it was nice to have someone there, someone who wanted to take care of you, sometimes it was necessary and it went without saying but she said it anyway, to take care of his daughter and she expected Jacob to take care of himself, he had to if he wanted to take care of his family.

"You better take care of her Paul, I swear to god I will hunt your ass down and make you suffer if you hurt her." Leah narrowed her eyes as best she could as Paul did his best not to laugh. Bella rolled her eyes at the two of them, Paul would miss Leah and Leah would miss Paul, they wouldn't dare say it but everyone knew it was true.

"I wouldn't hurt her Leah. I might irritate the shit out of her but I wont hurt her." Paul said to her seriously. The love he showed her should not come as a surprise but it always caught her off guard. Leah was obviously still experiencing hormonal changes, or at least that was the excuse Bella was going to let her have because she was tearing up again and she would probably be more upset when she realized that it was Paul who managed to make her cry.

"Alright well let me see my niece before I go." Paul handed Raven to Bella. The beautiful baby girl in her arms watched her, the same curious look she always had, Bella tried to memorize each and every detail of her tiny face before kissing her on the nose and telling her she loved her before giving her back to Leah. When she felt like she was about to fall apart she waved goodbye and told everyone she loved them before rushing out to the car. Paul got in and of course he would be the one to drive, there was no way she'd be able to see the road through all her stupid tears.

Watching the houses disappear there was nothing left to see but trees and a long stretch of pavement. Paul was silent, there wasn't a lot he could say and she was glad he knew her well enough to let her be for a bit. The drive wasn't long but the road ahead was, after taking a deep breath and looking at Paul, she felt comfortable again, she had a piece of home with her and she felt confident when she looked at him, there was where she belonged, wherever he was.

Leaving behind the world that had shown her heartache and love she was thankful. There would always be memories that pained her from the inside out but there would also be memories that she could smile back on. The place that had shown her light, darkness, death and life was never far away. One last look back Bella thought to herself, it wasn't really a goodbye.

**A/N: I'm sorry this took a little longer than it was supposed to. I kept trying to fix it and I ended up just starting it over again(and again...and again)**

**One chapter left...**

**As always thank you for reading :)**


	20. Chapter 20

_**(Really quickly I want to mention that this is it, the end and anything else I want to say will be in the authors note at the bottom-also to let you know you will be jumping ahead in time twice through both Bella and Jacob's PovS)**_

_**The end**__._

_Bella(seven years after the battle)  
_

What was it about weddings that she loved and hated, there was no middle ground when it came to her. Maybe because everyone she knew including herself had endured a wedding a year for the last five…yea that was probably it. It was always beautiful and everyone was always happy but maybe it was because she had to stuff herself into some dress and she was usually standing for the entire ceremony…damn friends, and their need for large wedding parties.

She huffed and grunted in frustration before Paul walked in, took one look at her and started laughing.

"Its not funny you asshole, I can't seem to get the stupid zipper on this dress up and fuck!" She struggled with the zipper as she stared at her self in the mirror.

"I swear I've gained like fifty pounds, why the hell did I agree to this again?" Paul walked up behind her and did up the zipper, she stared at him in the mirror before letting out a breath.

"Because its Quil's wedding and you made friends with the bride." Bella rolled her eyes at him, of course she was happy for Quil and his wife to be, Nicole but couldn't they have waited until she lost the baby weight, was that so much to ask? Or they could have at least found someone to take her spot, she didn't have to be a bridesmaid, she had already filled that role a few times before today, it wasn't that big of a deal.

"I just had a kid and look at me Paul, I look like a fucking whale." She wiped at her face angrily, stupid hormones. Paul grabbed her hand and pulled her to sit down on the bed beside him.

"You do not look like a whale Bella, you look beautiful, you always do." Bella tried to hide her smile, she didn't want him to think that he was right, which he wasn't. What did he know anyway? It wasn't him who gained thirty pounds, although she was positive he actually did put on a little bit of weight, he still looked good to her. Bella rolled her eyes and stood up, she examined herself in the mirror. Okay, she knew she didn't look _that _bad, besides it wasn't her day anyway.

The ceremony was beautiful, Leah stood beside her looking as gorgeous as she always did and Bella was sort of irritated with how easily the weight fell off her best friend. Three kids later and she still looked like she did nearly ten years ago. The bride was absolutely beautiful and Bella was proud of Quil for finally taking the leap, after all these years he finally found someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

Just about all of them were married now, Embry was the first, which probably should have surprised them but it didn't. He met a woman when he moved to California to pursue his dreams of acting and modeling or whatever, it was the cheesiest love story to ever be told but he was happy and that was all that mattered, his wife was some beautiful American-born Aztec woman named Jade, they met at an audition for some soap opera that neither got a part in. When Jade found out she was pregnant they moved back to La Push so that their son could be brought up knowing at least part of his heritage.

After Bella and Paul came back for their first summer break was when Jacob proposed to Leah, they were married the next summer, Sue walked her daughter down the isle and Bella wept like a child, even more than Raven who only cried because she did not want to be sitting down at a place where no one was paying attention to her. Emily surprised Leah, actually all of them when she showed up…with her boyfriend Keith. She met him in Seattle when she was up there interviewing for a job. After he received the third degree from pretty much everyone, especially Leah, he was welcomed to the family, even if they had only been dating for a year or so.

Sure enough, Keith ended up proposing to Emily not too long after that, Bella was invited to her wedding, it was the one wedding she didn't stand the entire time, she watched as Leah cried, and Emily's face nearly cracked from smiling so hard, it was beautiful to see her so happy, she especially deserved it.

The next wedding was of course Kim and Jared's, it was a little bit shocking that they weren't the first to get married but they had lives and they were already committed to each other, marriage for them was something they did to shut their parents up. Kim was Bella's second best girlfriend, of course, things like that were bound to happen when their boyfriends/husbands were attached at the hip, it wasn't long after they moved to Vancouver that Kim and Jared moved up to Seattle so they ended up spending a lot of time together, being friends with all these women automatically put her in the running for bridesmaid, and for some reason she just couldn't say no.

Quil was reading his vows and Bella couldn't help but cry, thankfully she wasn't the only one, Sue, Kim and Quil's bride Nicole were crying too. After they were pronounced husband and wife, the wedding party (otherwise known as the pack and two of Nicole's best friends) went back to Leah and Jake's before the reception. This was sort of their wedding tradition, the groomsmen and bridesmaids all came together before the ceremony and then afterwords for a few drinks and to change and prepare the bride for her honeymoon, it was just what they did, it was the party-before-the-party-wedding-tradition. Bella had been sitting in her very uncomfortable dress when Paul walked in and handed her a bag.

"Whats this?" He smiled at her but didn't say anything. Realizing that forcing an answer out of him was a lot more work than actually just looking for herself, she opened it and found a much more comfortable dress, Paul always pulled through for her, most times he did it without her having to ask, she was pretty positive that her husband was the best of the whole bunch, but she was probably a little bit biased. She thanked him and pulled him down to her height to kiss him properly.

"And you used to call me whipped, look at this guy. Did you pack yourself a dress too?" Bella glared at Jacob for teasing Paul.

"Hey that's enough, I know for a fact that Raven and Maya make you play dress up Jacob Black, where's your tiara today hmm?" Bella laughed as Jacob muttered to himself about women.

Jacob was a great father, two daughters he would do anything for, including play dress up and have tea parties with, he also had a son so it wasn't completely thrown off balance, he loved his family. The women in his life were in control and he had absolutely no problem with it, not that Leah would let him anyway.

"Seth does it too." Jacob pouted while Paul gave him a pat on the back, there was an understanding there, or there would be one day. Bella and Paul had two children of their own, a three year old son Michael and a two month old daughter Charlotte or Charlie as Jacob and Billy started calling her. Paul would be doing the tea parties soon enough. Bella watched as her husband and friend walked back to sit with everyone else, she pulled out the dress and went upstairs to change. It was the same colour green as the dress she was already wearing but it didn't cling to her uncomfortably, sadly the weight didn't fall off as easily as it did the first pregnancy and it didn't help that her breasts were much larger than they were then, it usually didn't bother her but today it did. The bride was thin, hell, everyone was thin and she felt fat and she was trying not to cry but her brain had sort of stopped working properly after her daughter was born, the tears were always falling, over every little thing.

"What are you doing up here by yourself, there's a virgin margarita with your name on it downstairs." Leah walked in and sat down behind her, she tried to wipe away the tears but Leah had already seen, she was somehow always around when she broke down, Bella would have to cut her friend a break soon and learn to manage the broken-faucet-syndrome she had developed since becoming a mother. It was just the other day while watching Sesame Street with her son that she cried, it wasn't even sad but because her hormones were completely all over the place she cried.

"I just had to change that dress, it was too damn tight." Feeling silly for crying about nothing, she turned around to look at Leah. "I mean seriously I could barely get the stupid zipper up." Leah nodded her head laughing.

"Yeah I know, that's how I felt at your wedding." Bella smiled guiltily as she remembered Leah's tears and frustration from then, they had been married four months after Leah gave birth to Maya, she hadn't been any bigger, maybe her hips were slightly curvier but she wasn't carrying any left over pooch, or if she was, she had done an amazing job hiding it, she certainly understood now the frustration Leah felt then.

"I'm sorry Lee, even more so now that I know how you felt back then, I feel terrible." She laughed and then shook her head, thinking about her own wedding. Billy held her hand down the isle, walking her or rather wheeling her towards her future, he told her that her father would be proud of her which only made her cry harder than she already was, she was pretty sure everyone cried. Instead of a father daughter dance she had danced with Jacob, this was her family now and although she stressed over every thing it turned out to be the best day of her life, or one of the best days of her life, the birth of her children were right up there too.

"It was worth it, I was close enough to watch Paul cry." Rolling her eyes Bella put her small stupid dress into the bag.

"It was sweet and if I remember correctly Jake was bawling at your wedding, in fact I'm sure I have pictures." Leah laughed.

"Of course he cried, Jacob is a crier, don't you remember him crying when Raven was born, he also cried with Maya and he cried extra hard when Ryan was born, so happy to have his son finally...the man just cant help himself." Bella smiled at her friend. Willing herself not to get emotional again, wedding's brought everyone she loved together, she touched up her makeup and they went back downstairs to join the rest of the party. Paul was standing next to Jared, Bella rolled her eyes, could he at least try to socialize with someone else? He got along fine with everyone but he always ended up at Jared's side when he wasn't with her, she shook her head but shrugged it off, that was his brother, like Leah was her sister, it was something she had accepted but still...even her and Leah gave each other breathing room.

After many heartwarming toasts from Nicole's best friends and some laugh out loud speeches from Embry and Jacob the reception was in full swing. Bella danced until her feet hurt and laughed with her friends while she had the chance, their lives were so different now. Although they were all still very close, they had families now and it wasn't very often that they had time together without their children. Paul enjoyed his time drinking with the boys and Bella knew she'd have a long day tomorrow, the thing he probably missed the most about being able to phase was not getting sick, not being hungover. She thought about making an extra loud breakfast with her son in the morning.

After Nicole's sister caught the bouquet and Seth caught the garter, Bella and Paul called it a night. They had children to get back to and she took back her earlier thoughts on Paul and Jared's bromance. Without Jared and Kim they wouldn't have Nana Di and Papa Ron, who were Jared's parents. They were always there for their children and Bella was grateful. Her own mother lived too far to be any help, she thought she probably wouldn't help even if she lived across the street, she had been pleased to know she had grandchildren but not enough so to make any trips up to visit. Paul's parents died years before she even knew him, Sue was there when she could be, she insisted that she was Nana Sue and took them whenever she could, Jared and his family had accepted their children and her with open arms and really she was glad that there were so many people to love her children, it made her sad to think about the grandparents they wouldn't know, Charlie would have been a wonderful grandpa, it bothered her that Rene was so still so selfish but she would eventually get over it.

Paul had sobered up a bit and Bella called Diane to let her know they were on their way, she drove and thought about how much had changed over the years. Everything she thought she never wanted, she had and wouldn't dare give it up for anything. Growing older with a man she loved and who loved her for _her_, raising beautiful, amazing children with him. All those years ago she was willing to throw this away without knowing just how valuable it was.

Bella pulled up to her their house and nudged Paul because he had fallen asleep. Diane let them know their children were perfect and that she expected to have them over for dinner the next weekend. Bella thanked her and then went to check on her kids. Michael was asleep in his own room, she kissed him on the head before going to check up on Charlie, she watched her daughters tiny torso rise and fall, her little lashes fluttered and Bella couldn't hold back her tears, she wondered why she had been given a happily ever after, it didn't really seem that fair.

"Hey babe, you okay?" Paul crept up behind her and she nodded her head before kissing her daughters head.

"Yea" They went to bed and Paul held her, the way he always did when she became a ridiculous puddle of emotions. Just like the first time he didn't need to kiss her or tell her it would be okay, he just held her and that was comfort enough.

Bella listened to his breathing even out, the house was silent except for the sounds coming from the three people she loved more than life itself. It still didn't seem fair.

Every year on the anniversary of Sam's death she would think of him, think of what used to be and sometimes she thought of what could have been for Sam and Emily, even if Emily hat gotten her own fairy tale ending. It was a hard world and she knew that everyone suffered, she still felt bad for him having to lose his life because of her.

Every single day she lived she was grateful to him, to the Cullen's to every single one of them who fought for her, when she looked at her children, when she looked at her husband, she felt like she had a purpose, she felt like she might have been worth saving but it still didn't seem fair.

* * *

**_Jacob.(14 years after the battle.)  
_**

Patience is a virtue...or something, wasn't it? Jacob did his best not to raise his voice at his now thirteen year old daughter Raven. What had Leah been thinking letting her go to a dance where there would be boys? Of course now she thought she could make all her own decisions and hang out with boys and argue about every single thing. Was this what all thirteen year old girls were like?

"Are there going to be adults there to supervise this dance?" Jacob probably sounded as panicked as he felt, he honestly didn't care, this was his daughter and if someone even tried to...

"Of course, why would I let her go if there weren't chaperone's Jake, what do you think I'm an idiot or something?"He rolled his eyes before shaking his head.

"No I don't think you're an idiot, I just don't see why she cant wait another year...or ten, before she goes to her first dance. I mean come on Lee she just turned 13." Leah smiled before patting him on the shoulder.

"Exactly, she's 13 now, we cant hide her from the world forever. Besides at that age boys are too scared to even ask girls to dance, they might look but they know better than to touch Jacob Black's daughter." He laughed, if boys were scared of anyone in their family, it most definitely wasn't him. Leah had a reputation to uphold and he couldn't touch it if he tried, he was usually the more mellow of the two of them, but when it came down to his children he felt he had no choice but to go 'alpha', he needed to protect them.

Raven sat there rolling her eyes at him and he sighed. No matter how hard he tried he wasn't ever going to win a battle when they ganged up on him. He turned around to look at his 8 year old son, at least he'd have him for back up in a couple years.

"Fine but I get to drop you off and pick you up. As soon as that dance is over _and_ you have to change into a more appropriate top, I'm not going to let you out of here until you change." It was Leah's turn to roll her eyes but she didn't argue, which looked like it pissed off their daughter even more. Of course she stomped up the stairs to change and came back down mumbling about how unfair everything in her life was and how Jenny Dawson's dad wasn't like this. Jacob only smiled at his daughter, it was scary how much she looked like her mother, right down to the fierce glare on her pretty face.

"I changed. Can we go now?" Patience. Jacob nodded his head, grabbed his keys and kissed his wife before walking out behind his daughter. There weren't a lot of moments that he got to talk to Raven, she was a social butterfly, a girly girl and he didn't know what to talk to her about half the time. There were moments when he missed the tiny bundle he held in his arms thirteen years ago, when he could protect her and not have to worry about things like teenage hormones and everything else that was horrifying about teenagers.

"I know you're getting older now Ray but you have to understand that its hard for me. You're always going to be my little girl, no matter how big you get and how old you think you are...okay?" She turned to look at him and smiled, she didn't need to say anything and even now she made him feel lighter the way she did the first time she smiled at him. It wasn't that he loved her anymore than his other children, he loved them all the same, Raven was the light that they needed when they were coming out of a dark place in their lives.

After he dropped her off Jacob drove back home to the rest of his family. Maya was ten turning eleven and soon he'd have two teenage daughters to worry about, for now he wanted to enjoy it. Leah was on the phone when he walked in the door, probably talking to Bella. It was nice to have them so close, but not too close. Paul and Bella lived in Forks with two kids and they would all see each other as often as they could but even living in the same area made it difficult when everyone had their own lives and responsibilities. Jacob,Paul and Embry would take their boys out on Saturdays and Bella would come go to the house with Charlie(Charlotte) to spend time with the girls and they all made the effort to get everyone together at least every other week.

Jacob walked into the kitchen to make himself something to eat. Seth walked in the back door and made himself comfortable as he always did when trying to escape his wife. Jacob laughed.

"No food at home?" Seth let out a frustrated grunt.

"You know she's pregnant and I'm not allowed to touch any of _her_ food. All the good food is hers and I swear she's been trying to put me on some wheat diet or some shit. There's nothing good to eat. 'Sides Leah said I could." Jacob chuckled at Seth's whining, even if he did come to steal their food at least he was entertaining.

"So I hear my niece is gone to her first dance today..." Seth said it as if it was his own daughter going to this boy/girl dance. As if it was his own daughter that he was worried about. That's one of the other reasons Jacob liked having him around, Ryan might not have been old enough to back him up just yet but Seth was. It made him wonder where the hell he was an hour ago. Probably with his very moody, very pregnant wife Vanessa, she was great but the bigger she got, the more demanding she became, he felt a little bad for his brother in law but he knew he was happy at least most of the time he was.

"Yea I tried to talk her out of it, tried to get Lee to see what a bad idea it was, you know her though, you know both of them. Ray was pissed because I made her change her _top_." Seth laughed and shook his head.

"I knew she'd be like Leah. I hope for your health and well being Maya doesn't also turn out like Leah because seriously man, three of them. Imagine that?" Jacob shook his head to clear that thought away. Raven wasn't that bad, yet and if he did things right she wouldn't ever be. A little attitude wasn't so bad and Maya would always be his angel, she was too sweet to ever turn on him...

"It'll be fine." Leah took that moment to walk in, she looked over at Seth and shook her head.

"Your wife called here twice looking for you. Better get your ass home. Oh and she said something about making you a...wheat-shake...or something gross." Jacob burst out laughing. The things they did for the women they loved. Seth shuddered and nodded before giving Jacob a wave and then leaving.

"So you still mad at me for letting our daughter out of the cave?" Leah asked while putting away his dirty dishes. He couldn't see her face but he knew she was smirking. Jacob got up and went to wrap his arms around her.

"I wasn't mad at you. I'm mad that Ray's thirteen and I cant stop her from growing up. You realize she's going to walk in here with a boyfriend one day right?" Leah let out a soft sigh and leaned back to put her head on his chest.

"Of course. I'm a little more worried about other things though, like her or any of the kids phasing, I mean, I know we've talked about it and it's probably not going to happen but you know how attached to this place those leeches were, what if they breeze back into town and it sets off the gene in all the kids?" Jacob nodded his head, it was a valid concern, if anyone were to phase it would be their kids first. All of them had children now and it could easily happen and he didn't want to leave it to chance, it could happen.

"Maybe we should sit them down and tell them about it." Leah nodded her head. He thought if they could teach the kids control young they'd have a chance to live normal lives if the chose, they wouldn't have to give up everything, they all had each other but it was hard being in on a secret and not having a life outside the pack, they all knew that, if they could teach their kids now, maybe it wouldn't have to be so bad. All of this meant nothing though, they would still have to go through the council first. Jacob kissed Leah on the neck and wondered why life couldn't be this simple. Simple kisses, simple touches to forget about all the bullshit.

"You're going to have to pick Raven up soon, so you shouldn't start something you know you cant finish...Black." Jacob smiled and turned his wife around.

"You know me, I don't start anything I can't finish." He winked before leaning in to kiss her on the nose.

"I better go get our daughter, who knows what sort of trouble she's getting into." Leah smiled and kissed him on the chin. He had to wonder what all the ball-and-chain jokes were about, what was so bad about being married? The woman he loved was strong and beautiful, she spoke her mind and that's what he loved about her. Maybe that was it, he had already known everything about her and loved her for everything she was. There was no one as perfect for him than her. She was it and as long as she was by his side he'd be happy.

Jacob often thought back to the day they fought the newborn vampires. After Sam died he wasn't sure what would happen to them and they nearly fell apart as a pack, as individuals. Each and every single day was a challenge for one of them and they fought through it. Embry and Quil almost died breaking their imprints and it took time and patience for them all to stop phasing.

It wasn't the worst thing in the world to have morphed into giant wolves when they were needed. They were protectors and they did what they were meant to. Sam died protecting Emily, his people and a girl that Jacob loved very much. They would never forget him because he was a part of them, he helped them cope with a world they didn't understand, he took care of them when all they had was each other.

The death of their alpha didn't weaken them or tear them apart, it brought them together, it led Jacob down a different path, the proper path. Every day they lived and enjoyed living was a thank you to him, he would always be their alpha.

**END.**

**A/N(its going to be a long one)**

**Thank you to all of you who reviewed and left me kind messages of encouragement, I really appreciate the feedback. I loved writing every bit of this fic, it was a bit rough for some chapters but believe me when I say I have focused on this and only this and I am ready to move on to something else now. I did say I would post an extra chapter about Embry breaking the imprint...I have it half written and when its done I'll add it here. If there are any thoughts or questions about something you didn't get or I wasn't clear please feel free to let me know so I can clear it up. **

**I really hope you enjoyed this. I thought this chapter would work best broken down into different points in time because I couldn't just end it with Bella for one thing and I wanted to give a bit more of Jacob as a father. **

**So we're clear here.**

**Bella and Paul are married with two children Michael and Charlotte(Charlie), I do love one of Bella's children being named after her father but I though it would be a bit of a twist up if it were the girl and Michael is just a common enough name to use...I realize now that Mike was one of Bella's stalkers but lets just forget about him shall we?**

**Jacob and Leah are married with three children, Raven, Maya and Ryan. **

**Seth is married to Vanessa(hehe)and they have a child on the way.**

**Embry is married to Jade, they have a kid(age/gender)not mentioned...but I imagined them having a boy...so lets say a boy and he's six.**

**Quil is married to Nicole and they have kids...twins girls because someone has to have twins right?**

**Jared and Kim are married with a daughter. **

**I hope this ending wasn't too much or too little. I didn't want to go overboard(even if I feel like I did)or not give enough(I probably did that too)**

**AS ALWAYS thank you so very much for reading and sticking with me.**


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